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Response to DollyM (Original post)

Sun Jan 22, 2012, 06:33 AM

6. with tears and love

dolly,

i hope so much that you have at least a bit of a support system. a good friend or two? another (close) family member.

is it possible for you to stay with her? overnight?

have you talked to her about what is happening? i tried with my mom--and i tried to be strong while we talked and she knew i was completely torn up over it. she died of cancer and the bizarre thing was we didn't even know she had it until two weeks before she passed on from it. and it wasn't until one week before she passed that the docs told me she might qualify for hospic--but they expected her to live longer than six months.

we must have said "i love you" a thousand times. we were so unprepared for this. it happened so quickly. it was probably the most difficult thing i've ever said--telling her it was okay to let go--that i would be fine (which i seriously doubted), that everything would be fine (knowing it would never be the same again). i told her she'd be able to see her mom and dad, and her sister, and my dad. and a hundred more times saying "i love you."

one of the most important things, i feel, i said to her was this: "i don't know how i'm going to do it--but i will find you again, mommy. i will find you again someday." and she looked at me hopefully and asked, "do you really think so?" and i nodded and said, "yes. i will find you--and we'll be together again."

i am so glad i told her that--and i felt so determined, and so completely certain that it was true--that it was something that i coulld absolutely accomplish because i loved her so much.

and with all the ADC that's been around this house for over two years (the signs and signals, the sound of the knocking between her bedroom wall and the living room wall in a rhythm we used as a signal to each other, the flashing light that hadn't worked in years and decided to randomly turn on and off for a few months, the tv shutting itself off, the smell of her perfume--so often, and the smell of buttered popcorn that hasn't been in this house since i made it for her the last time she had some--the synchronicities of so very many things--and when i ask her to give me a sign to let me know she's here i usually get it) the irony is she found me first.

the hardest thing was telling her it was okay to let go. probably one of the kindest as well. it so wasn't okay--but it had to be because, so suddenly, she couldn't stay.

tell her everything you need to tell her for now. even if she's medicated or sleeping. but even if you don't i'm sure your mom already knows. of course she knows.

i am so sorry to hear this about your mom. i've been under the impression that you have a small family like i do (it was just me and my mom and my daughter. at least i still have my daughter). but i hope i'm wrong--i hope so much you have someone who will help you through this change in your life--this next chapter. i don't want you to be alone.

my mom was my rock and my best friend too.

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 26 replies Author Time Post
DollyM Jan 2012 OP
boston bean Jan 2012 #1
Rhiannon12866 Jan 2012 #2
auntAgonist Jan 2012 #3
applegrove Jan 2012 #4
ceveritt Jan 2012 #5
LineReply with tears and love
orleans Jan 2012 #6
livetohike Jan 2012 #7
GreenPartyVoter Jan 2012 #8
polly7 Jan 2012 #9
veness Jan 2012 #10
auntAgonist Jan 2012 #11
Paper Roses Jan 2012 #12
pipi_k Jan 2012 #13
DollyM Jan 2012 #14
Ecumenist Jan 2012 #15
DollyM Feb 2012 #16
auntAgonist Feb 2012 #17
veness Feb 2012 #22
livetohike Feb 2012 #18
Tsiyu Feb 2012 #19
orleans Feb 2012 #21
veness Feb 2012 #23
Uben Feb 2012 #20
EmeraldCityGrl Feb 2012 #24
DollyM Mar 2012 #25
LaurenG Mar 2012 #26
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