I used to go to Mass every Sunday, especially while the kids were young. Setting an example and all that. But then the good folks running things there started politicking from the pulpit, slipping little one-liners baldly calling for prayer for the sanctity of life and blah-blah-blah, broadly "hinting around" about who'd be the best pick for president during several presidential election seasons (not my preferred candidate during any of those times). And in one case, they actually invited some aging nun to come in and expound about marital love and the sanctity of life and how Jesus somehow had that kind of intimate love relationship with the Church. And as she - um - enlarged upon that particular point, I was shoved over from genuine outrage to almost explosive hilarity. I could NOT stop laughing! And while I wanted to walk out - to show a physical demonstration of protest during her sermon, I also wanted to stay because I couldn't believe what I was hearing and really didn't want to miss whatever kind of big finish toward which she was building. I later wrote a column about it that got some nice reaction.
Finally the kids grew up and I had no example to set for anybody anymore so the increasingly pointed politicking in church drove me away from weekly visits. Besides, by then, you'd hear a near-constant dribble of mumbled comments under one's breath from various moms whose kids went to the church school. You'd hear them quietly hiss in disgust that they were NOT dropping another nickel into the collection plate because they couldn't be sure that money wasn't going to some settlement the Archdiocese had to pay out to some family whose son had been molested by a priest when he was an altar server. Point VERY well taken. I've stopped donating, too. Yeah, all you cardinals and bishops and monsignors. We've noticed. You bet your asses we've noticed.
I reached a point where I'd try at least to make Christmas and Easter Mass, the bare minimums, to keep my conscience from complaining. But it just got worse, with the whole staunch insistence that marriage be only between a man and a woman. And they pray for vocations while at the same time complaining about the scarcity of priests, while they continue turning their backs completely on the idea of legions of worthy and capable women joining those ranks.
I finally threw up my hands when a recent copy of "The Tidings" arrived with the front page story and photo - "Celebrating Discipleship!" And the screaming headline was accompanied by a large photo of the congregation at a Mass at the big-ass cathedral downtown (we called it the "Taj Mahony" when it was being built), the congregation being comprised of all aging nuns. Oh isn't that cute! THAT is the bone they throw to us women to try to make us think that church operations and policies are just so damn inclusive!!! Oh woopie. "Discipleship." Wow - really goin' for broke out there, aren't they? We'll give all the ladies some ridiculous, meaningless title concept like "discipleship" alright, but forget ever attaining the full level of equality: the priesthood. They give our presence a new label and that's that. That takes care of it for all those "little gals" out there. Once again relegated to a familiar and frustrating position: forced to be satisfied with more stray crumbs falling on the floor from the men's banquet table, second-class "citizens" as we're so regarded.
That and the whole oppressive religionist, Christianist, force-it-down-your-throat-and-up-your-vagina regressiveness of the political climate now, especially as extremist religious views now encroach on public policy, have just alienated me completely, and driven me away.
And I resent the freakin' shriekin' HELL out of that! I can't even share in the gatherings of my own church anymore! The one I was baptized into when I was reportedly two weeks old! I'm pushed so totally away. It's like it hardly represents me anymore! And sadly, it's becoming clear that they deep-down really don't want people like me, anyway. My ideas are no more welcome, any longer, than I am, myself. Certainly my growing list of undesirable questions is lumped in there, too. Where is the nonstop focus on the poor - that subject the Bible repeatedly describes Jesus as talking about with almost every breath He took? What was the statistic I heard once - the number of references to homosexuality or abortion in either Testament of the Bible is something like three or four, while the number of references to the poor is quite literally in the THOUSANDS? That's what I learned in Catholic school where I spent the first 18 years of my life, especially during religion class.
It's such a deep wound. This hurts. A lot. It's an absolute outrage, growing worse by the HOUR! And it makes me VERY angry.
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