I remember sitting there one night, after he had gotten out of jail and started up (stalking me) again. I had been in counseling for the whole 2.5 years that he was in jail and was much stronger. I remember thinking that I couldn't live my whole life with that kind of hatred eating me up. So, my resolution was to:
1) Find a real man who loved me and who I could love back - one who would love my daughters and show them how romantic life is "supposed to" be with their mother - not one who abuses their mother.
2) Finish school and get a job.
3) Buy a house with a white picket fence.
4) And get a dog that I could love with all my heart (long story... but he wasn't nice to dogs) and "make up" for being unable to protect the other dogs.
I didn't get a white picket fence, but I got all the rest of it (and 2 dogs, so the second one makes up for the lack of a white picket fence). And after a while, all the emotion fades as you realize that you are happy and once you start concentrating on that, the fear and rage and pain all kind of get shuffled to the back of your mind. But when you are contemplating leaving, or when you have first left an abusive partner, it's terrifying and your mind is kind of scrambled up - you don't really know what to believe anymore. I remember a lot of "if I could just keep my mouth shut..." which sounds silly now, but at the time, I really believed that there was something monstrously wrong with me.
= new reply since forum marked as read