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Feminists

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no_hypocrisy

(49,013 posts)
Mon Sep 30, 2024, 07:04 PM Sep 30

I knew a "Trad Wife". [View all]

Last edited Mon Sep 30, 2024, 07:43 PM - Edit history (1)

She was my law client, and this was about 15 years ago.

She was married (obviously) and had five children in quick succession, ages 3 to 9, three girls and two boys.

Child Protection removed her children and put them in foster care. And the agency was desperately trying to terminate parental rights in order to allow adoption by the foster family.

My job was to get the kids back. As if that were the easiest part.

I discovered that she was a victim of domestic violence, and her husband controlled her physically, mentally, psychologically, and emotionally. And Child Protection first ignored that fact and denied her services for assistance. Later CP used the DV as justification to terminate her rights because she let it happen.

Her husband was a throwback Catholic, meaning Scalia and Opus Dei would be too liberal for him. He kept my client confined to the home they were renting. She and the kids only left when they had to see a doctor. He refused to let them to school, even parochial school. He was the head of the house in every way. And she gladly went along with him with no complaints.

And there's more. Not only did the husband keep my client pregnant and lactating for a decade, but he also forced himself on her sexually, including anal sex (which is used by some men for the illusion of total submission). And he hit her.

The reason they came within the radar of Child Protection was one night he strangled her. She called the police, and they arrested him. And he convinced her to drop the charges. And then he convinced her to leave the state when the investigation of the kids and the family commenced. Child Protection caught up with them and arrested him until he told them where he hid the kids.

So, I was delivered a client who was near catatonic. She could barely talk to me and to the therapist. I knew we couldn't move forward without deprogramming her. We moved her to her mother's home in another state. When she and her husband went to court, it wasn't together. I kept them separated, even preventing him from following her to the restrooms.

We had a DV hearing, and she didn't want to go to testify because she was afraid of him. We coached her enough to be in the same room with him.

I became a social worker as well as legal counsel. I got her one of the best therapists on domestic violence. My client was receptive. She filed for divorce. She got a vocational certification. She did everything the caseworker for Child Protection demanded.

And the Court returned her kids. And she and the kids have nothing to do with him since that time.

BTW, my client "won" partially because all representation was free/pro bono and I was "between jobs" at the time and could afford to dedicate all the time needed.


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I knew a "Trad Wife". [View all] no_hypocrisy Sep 30 OP
Awesome job. Eko Sep 30 #1
Thank you for the help you gave that family biophile Sep 30 #2
Heroic work Dear_Prudence Sep 30 #3
The husband tried his tricks to manipulate me. no_hypocrisy Sep 30 #5
You're awesome. 50 Shades Of Blue Sep 30 #4
Thank you for a job well done. brer cat Sep 30 #6
You had a very good outcome. Fortunately the Court and the Resources were available to support BOTH the woman AND hlthe2b Sep 30 #7
It was a war on several fronts: no_hypocrisy Sep 30 #9
no_hipocrisy indeed. Job well done Clouds Passing Sep 30 #8
This is the kind of domestic shit JD Vance wants Blue Owl Sep 30 #10
Whew, what a cliffhanger! ShazzieB Sep 30 #11
I caught two big dogs that were escaping to the beach from their home and the dog sitter last week mahina Sep 30 #12
Great story, and I love the happy ending FakeNoose Sep 30 #13
Score one for the Good Guys! NewLarry Sep 30 #14
Thank you is not enough, AllyCat Sep 30 #15
YOU! GAJMac Sep 30 #16
Those guys are all dimpled grins and charm galore Warpy Sep 30 #17
Good job! Wish there were more dedicated folks out there like you relayerbob Sep 30 #18
You're a hero 🥇 live love laugh Sep 30 #19
... Faux pas Sep 30 #20
One of the worst moments: no_hypocrisy Oct 1 #21
Eww... Roxi Oct 1 #23
Thank you. Sadly it's a story for these times. Thank you again and again and again. n/t. NNadir Oct 1 #22
I don't see her as a "trad wife," she was a terrorized victim MorbidButterflyTat Oct 1 #24
Good point. Not clear how much she wanted the "Trad wife" life or if it was forced upon her (putting aside the physical LymphocyteLover Oct 1 #30
So much to unpack here. But, first, thank you for helping a battered woman. Not all attorney's would have... Joinfortmill Oct 1 #25
I do have to wonder how many of the awful men like in this story were also raised in a similar household? LymphocyteLover Oct 1 #31
A wonderful and hopeful thing you did! people Oct 1 #26
You are a really good person. Thank you for making my day. OLDMDDEM Oct 1 #27
Bravo - job well done! So happy this lady got her children back. n/t iluvtennis Oct 1 #28
OH MY GOD! What a story. These far-right Christians are the worst. Thank you for helping her. LymphocyteLover Oct 1 #29
Thank you for being so compassionate and so caring kimbutgar Oct 1 #32
Thank you Wild blueberry Oct 1 #33
How horrible... and you know how many are out there unable to get help :( FirstLight Oct 1 #34
Need more like you. LiberalFighter Oct 1 #35
Thank you KT2000 Oct 1 #36
My third thought (after unbelievable sorrow for her)..was a certain someone else WE know. chouchou Oct 1 #37
You are a hero! geardaddy Oct 1 #38
Wow... you dun good. NT Happy Hoosier Oct 1 #39
Thank you so much for what you did to help her! You went above and beyond. HeartsCanHope Oct 1 #40
bless you cab67 Oct 1 #41
Great effort on your part and appreciate the "case study." I still don't know what TRAD is? though. So out of touch.... Evolve Dammit Oct 1 #42
What is a Trad Wife no_hypocrisy Oct 1 #46
Well done! Aristus Oct 1 #43
You may not want to admit it, but YOU ARE A HERO! Fla Dem Oct 1 #44
Thanks. I get updates from my client and her mother. no_hypocrisy Oct 1 #45
OMG, what a wonderful continuing story. Fla Dem Oct 1 #47
You did the right thing shenmue Nov 6 #48
I was holding my breath Sparkly Nov 7 #49
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