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Response to MarianJack (Original post)

Sat Sep 5, 2015, 10:40 AM

1. I think I was 15 going on 16 when I first realised I was gay.

 

I had (completely clean) dreams about my best friend. And one day he explained what being in love felt like, and I was shocked to realise that is what I felt for HIM.

I spent the next years hating myself, eventually coming out to my sister at 17, my parents at 18.

Sister was fully supportive but mostly clueless ( as was I), mother assured me she loved me "however I was", my father beat me up. He now denies that, and also claims that he knew I was gay when I was as young as 14, 13, 12, 10, 8... It's his way of compensating for the beating, to imagine his prescience of my sexual orientation to have been the first.

My classmates were mostly supportive when I came out to them, months before graduation. I ascribe the success to a pro-active approach.
When B**, one of my friends, said: "I'm fine with your being gay, but watch out that N*** doesn't hear it, he might bully you", I immediately went to N***, and asked him: "Hi, quick question for you. You may or may not have heard I am gay. Which I am. B** says you might have a problem with my being gay. Is that the case with you?"
N***'s answer was a resounding: "No, that's fine. Good for you for coming out."
"Thanks, I'm glad we had this talk. Have a nice day."

(The above is the abridged version of course.)

And later, at prom, the biggest two bullies of the class, N*** and W*****, were dancing together. N*** told me that he was glad to see how much my coming out had been a non-issue with the class, so he felt free to be more himself - and the same with W*****.

---


That being said, coming out is an ongoing process, and there will always be people you have yet to tell about your sexual orientation. I can pass for straight, and as such new people I meet will initially ascribe the default sexual orientation to me.

Last Monday, my (Muslim) hairdresser for instance, asked whether I had a girlfriend. It's at moments like that I wonder: do I simply say no, or do I declare my boyfriend's existence? Is it worth the fight to rile the man if he should have a problem with my sexual orientation (taking into account that he is at that very moment defining the way I will look for a month)?
"Actually, I have boyfriend, if that is all right with you."
"Of course that is all right with me. Why wouldn't it be?"
"Well, some folks have a problem with it. Not you, I'm glad to hear."
"Are you guys getting married soon?"
- talk about the question that made my day.

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Arrow 12 replies Author Time Post
MarianJack Sep 2015 OP
LineReply I think I was 15 going on 16 when I first realised I was gay.
Betty Karlson Sep 2015 #1
MarianJack Sep 2015 #3
Betty Karlson Sep 2015 #8
MarianJack Sep 2015 #9
Betty Karlson Sep 2015 #11
nomorenomore08 Sep 2015 #12
nightscanner59 Sep 2015 #2
MarianJack Sep 2015 #4
Prism Sep 2015 #5
MarianJack Sep 2015 #6
dsc Sep 2015 #7
MarianJack Sep 2015 #10
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