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In the discussion thread: Let's talk about "Coercive Sex". [View all]

Response to nomorenomore08 (Reply #89)

Fri May 31, 2013, 11:14 PM

90. Yes, we do all know how we should act.

And you have to leave it at that on some level.

My main problem is the misuse of the word coercion.

To call persuading someone into having sex "Coercive Sex" is to undermine the real meaning of the word and create a category of demi-criminal behavior where none exists.

The truth is that women are socialized into believing that it is their sexuality is a thing which loses value if given too easily; that their honor and purity is hanging upon not having sex. In contrast, and as a direct result, men are pushed into the position of initiating, begging for, persuading, romancing and negotiating for sex. This is an ancient "game" (dance, behavior) that exists not just in humans but among all animals.

As a result of their socialization, women may want, on some level, to have sex but feel that they have to externalize some hesitation, regret, unsureness. This is understandable but it makes the issue of consent somewhat more complex. Humans cannot read minds nor can they judge whether the "want to" has tipped the balance weighed against the "not sure" or the "let's wait"...

Ultimately a woman's word is what MUST prevail. "Yes" or "No". That is how we define consent. Men are not mind-readers and women, in the quest for equal power must also accept equal responsible for exercising of that power or agency. A woman may say "yes" but have some conflicting feelings of guilt or whatever. This too is understandable, but it is NOT the problem of anyone ultimately but the woman.

Her "NO" MUST be respected. Also too, her "yes".

And so, no. "Yes" doesn't mean "maybe" and "maybe" doesn't mean "no". The words mean what they mean and "persuasion" or "negotiation" is not "coercion".

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LineLineNew Reply Yes, we do all know how we should act.
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