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In the discussion thread: Let's talk about "Coercive Sex". [View all]

Response to redqueen (Reply #56)

Mon May 27, 2013, 08:18 PM

64. There's an awful lot of straw, in that post.

it pushes people to be more cautious about whether their partner is actually, freely saying yes, or if they are being pressured into saying yes.

But does it? Was that what Twisty was saying? Was that what she was saying when she told women that any time they came first and didn't immediately stop, they weren't "doing Nigel a solid" they were "letting him use her as a t****t"?

Those were Twisty's words, in that same piece.

http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2011/07/18/a-bit-of-lighthearted-fun/

For it is the stated position of the Savage Death Island Chapter of Spinster Aunts International that, in a patriarchy, “consensual sex” (between women and dudes) doesn’t even exist.


Now, you can reinterpret that as "gents, make damn sure that the woman you're having sex with really wants to", which, I would agree, is some stellar advice in all cases- but that's not what she's saying.

Some people clearly have no issue at all with coercing someone into going along with something they clearly don't want to. That's on them.

I would think that we could all agree that that's wrong. Very wrong. Unmistakably wrong.

Further, I would think that people would only want to have sex with partners who also want to have sex with them, but obviously I'm way, way, WAY off there. Sadly.


Except, is that really what you think is going on here? I don't. The original blog post was not well written and certainly seemed to be leaving information out. But I said upthread, if the story was ONLY as it was presented; "she had told him she didn't want to have sex, and somehow he ended up..." then no question, it's rape.

I agree, sex should be mutually and enthusiastically consented to. And as I said upthread, the ONLY way to ethically proceed in the world is to assume no always means no. I can see why the NIH study could be seen to be sending the wrong message; even though the study's authors themselves stated that they felt sexual shaming and cultural pressure might be the cause of the phenomenon and the negative fallout could include more people feeling that "no does not always mean no". That's what they said.

However, I don't think any of us are served by the personal attacks and attempts at character assassination, not to mention the dredging up of stuff from last year or beyond. We can go there, but we don't have to.

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LineLineLineLineLineLineReply There's an awful lot of straw, in that post.
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