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Response to Bonobo (Reply #3)

Sun Feb 19, 2012, 04:12 PM

7. Let me just throw this out there, then, in the context of preconceived notions:

Because there's an underlying assumption in your post, which I get is satire and a statement and not really advice to anyone, ever, on how to conduct an actual relationship (at least I hope)

But, from your OP:

willing to cook, wash and take care of the kids while they stay at home and then pursue jobs out of interest

I'm going to lay it out, because here's something a lot of people don't get. I've seen both sides of the coin. I've stayed home with kids and done the domestic angle and I've been the one with the full time job. And I've seen a lot of other people of both genders fill both roles.

Guess what? Generally- but not always- the stay at home parent works harder. This idea that someone "Gets to" stay at home and deal with babies and toddlers all day, etc. that it's some kind of a break or a freebie or a calgon-take-me-away moment? It's absurd. For the most part, it's WAY harder. Every single parent I know who has done both, given the choice, acknowledges that it's a VERY hard gig, and that most "real" jobs- unless you're a rock breaker at a quarry- are in most ways easier.

There are a lot of people who put their kids in day care expressly because one parent (often the dad) isn't willing to put up with being the stay at home, not to mention the fact that many dads just won't take what they see as that social stigma, even if it's in their own heads.

Yes, it's nice to be able to have that time with one's kids, but really- like I said; the ones who have tried it as "Mr. Mom" thinking it's going to be a cakewalk invariably are like, PLEASE, GOD, GET ME BACK TO THE OFFICE!!!


I agree with the fundamental premise (at least as I see it) of your OP: People should be free from unspoken or other expectations of roles in relationships, and they should be openly communicated and everyone should go with what works best. But this idea that it's some great, lazy, follow-your-bliss break to be a stay at home parent... not true.

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 14 replies Author Time Post
Bonobo Feb 2012 OP
Warren DeMontague Feb 2012 #1
The Doctor. Feb 2012 #2
Bonobo Feb 2012 #3
The Doctor. Feb 2012 #4
LineLineLineNew Reply Let me just throw this out there, then, in the context of preconceived notions:
Warren DeMontague Feb 2012 #7
Old and In the Way Feb 2012 #8
Broderick Feb 2012 #5
lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #6
mistertrickster Feb 2012 #9
libodem Feb 2012 #10
Warren DeMontague Feb 2012 #11
mistertrickster Feb 2012 #12
lumberjack_jeff Feb 2012 #13
Warren DeMontague Feb 2012 #14
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