Last edited Sat Apr 28, 2012, 12:40 PM - Edit history (2)
You may not be aware of the DU history on this issue, but it's was routinely deleted on DU2 by the moderators after a series of very long and painful discussions with individuals to whom it is insulting and hurtful, flamefests, and a fair amount of tombstoning.
To be clear, commenting on someone's perceived gender non-conformity as an insult is hurtful to people whose gender does not conform to the body they were born with.
It is challenging for many transgender women to be accepted as women, partly because of the remnants of what my dear transgender friend calls testosterone poisoning (e.g. larger hands, prominent Adam's apple, deeper voice, male pattern baldness). When they hear people - their DU friends who are theoretically open minded and supportive - negatively commenting on, or speculating about, the appearance of a woman because she is "mannish" or wondering what her "true" gender is, it cuts to the core because they know people are also saying it about them - behind their backs if not to their faces, and they have often heard it for years as invisible captive audiences to people who made such comments who never imagined anyone who might be hurt by it was listening. Many (if not most) of them fear they will never be accepted as women - or worse, will be subjected to violence because they won't ever be quite gender conforming enough.
Just a couple of weeks ago my friend, who has not yet transitioned, was despondent about the thought of ever being accepted as a woman. Her reaction was the result of sitting at lunch (invisible as a trans woman) through her co-worker's reactions' to a newscast in which one of the people in the story was someone whose gender caused disparaging speculation. From our conversations, I know that the thought of not ever fitting in - and being ridiculed because of it - is a source of pain and fear for her.
So - no, I'm not being overly sensitive. Comments like these are really hurtful to people for whom the issue of gender conformity is real and personal.
= new reply since forum marked as read
