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Response to NewsCenter28 (Original post)

Thu Mar 6, 2014, 08:24 AM

2. Before he died, I had a very good married friend who happened to be a psychiatrist;

We shared certain strong interests which his wife didn't. Knowing her husband to be an honorable and loyal man, she seemed relieved to know she was off the hook where their interests diverged. Larry the Shrink, as I always called him, always believed the happiest marriages were between people who didn't really need each other but preferred to bond by choice.

Unfortunately too many people confuse perceived need with love, and you're right - some will viciously prune out anyone who could ever pose a threat in their wildest imaginations. I always try to show the wife of a married male friend the greatest respect and consideration, hoping to allay her natural fears. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. But I understand because my first and last husband turned out to be such a bed hopper.

Meanwhile I try to follow Larry the Shrink's advice in life. To love everyone (or as many as possible) as appropriate but not to think for one second that I can't do fine w/o any particular individual. I believe it helps me to avoid clinginess. Some people will like that because I'm low maintenance. Others won't like it if they're the insecure type who needs to exercise emotional control and can't cope w/o it.

My final point being, learn to love yourself enough, and then you can love others better w/o needing them too much. What will be, will be.... and you can be fine with that. Why suffer needlessly over things which are out of your control?

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