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In reply to the discussion: So I have a weird etiquette question to ask [View all]Glassunion
(10,201 posts)Last edited Thu Dec 26, 2013, 05:21 PM - Edit history (1)
A weird etiquette question would be like:
So I spilled my scotch on my lap while sitting in the parlor.
And upon retiring to the powder room to dry my pants, I had inadvertently grazed a lit candle, thus igniting the crotch of my pants.
In my panic I attempted to douse the fire by straddling the bidet and turning on the water.
However, since it was an alcohol fire, the water instantly spread the flames to the back of my pants.
Realizing that the water was exasperating the situation, I made use of one of my hosts monogrammed towels to smother the fire in my crotch and hind quarters.
After the fire had been summarily dispatched, I realized that in my panic, I had slightly shat myself, and had horribly defaced the personalized linen that I made use of.
I refolded the towel as to hide this defacement, and to properly display the beautiful stitching of the monogram.
I then composed myself to return to the dinner party, which was no small feat considering the degree of the burns to the entirety of my crotch.
To add to this, the fire had all but completely burned away the front, and a good portion of the rear of my pants.
So Lieutenant Richard and the Sergeants were prominently on display.
During my valiant effort at fighting my fire, I realized that I had missed the call to dine.
Upon entering the dining room, with my most private of privates viewable to all, smoke still lightly trailing from my now worse-for-wear pants, and trailing a steady drip of bidet water the whole way, I took my seat.
It was at that moment, I was left with the utmost etiquette conundrum.
Since I had missed the salad course, what do I do with the little fork?