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Response to Bunnahabhain (Reply #52)

Sat Sep 14, 2013, 05:43 AM

59. You certainly have a point...

What you are saying is similar to what MFM suggested might be going on. However I think your second point is where you have nailed it and it has less to do with simply not wanting to do the work. The problem is that I have an almost zero tolerance threshold for failure or perceived failure. If I understand the material and what is expected of me I traditionally have been more than willing to work very hard. I have always been described as one of the harder workers by the managers I've work under at previous jobs. And when it came to hobbies and tasks I take on 100% myself I can work obsessively at these things. The problem is when I feel I am about to fail or when I feel there is a lot expected of me, I don't deal with perceived responsibility well, then I panic. My brain shuts down and I go into avoidance mode. In this case you are right I avoid doing the material, the issue snowballs and things get worse. But it doesn't stem from not wanting to work hard, if I could just fucking not panic and calm down, and if I could own this work as my own, then I could work as hard as the hardest worker out there. I know this.

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