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DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » The DU Lounge (Forum) » Match Game Story: As Lydi... » Reply #8

Response to Chan790 (Reply #6)

Wed May 22, 2013, 09:40 AM

8. I think I like it, but I think it's either missing a word or two, or has some punctuation issues.

I have read it many times, and it doesn't work as written - definitely missing something. Like maybe "now wasted as *she* tumbled" and that take comma out after "just seconds before"... perhaps?

And it is missing the verb that goes with Lydia.

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Rabrrrrrr May 2013 OP
ohiosmith May 2013 #1
Rabrrrrrr May 2013 #3
nolabear May 2013 #2
Rabrrrrrr May 2013 #4
Dash87 May 2013 #5
Rabrrrrrr May 2013 #7
Chan790 May 2013 #6
LineLineNew Reply I think I like it, but I think it's either missing a word or two, or has some punctuation issues.
Rabrrrrrr May 2013 #8
Chan790 May 2013 #9
Rabrrrrrr May 2013 #10
Rabrrrrrr May 2013 #11
Rabrrrrrr May 2013 #12
Rabrrrrrr May 2013 #13
Dr. Strange Jun 2013 #14
Rabrrrrrr Jun 2013 #17
Dr. Strange Jun 2013 #15
Tuesday Afternoon Jun 2013 #16
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