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[malthaussen]

85. You take all the time you need.

One week? Let's get real. The amount of time you hurt will be proportional to the severity of the loss. I'd be astonished if you had another topic of conversation right now, with the loss still fresh and all the weight that is on you. Astonished, and a bit worried: that kind of sublimation isn't healthy.

Life, or a reasonable facsimile, will continue to go on. Some engagement will be impossible to avoid, but anyone who thinks you should have your new plan of life all ready to go and your emotions all tucked away where they won't "bother" anyone else knows little of human nature, and understands less. Feel free to punch them in the nose.

While most of the adjustments will be internal (loss of a loved one is always a test of one's spiritual balance), one should never feel a "pest" or "burden" when some of the adjustments spill onto other people. Most of us are going through similar processes, or have gone through similar processes, or will go through similar processes, again and again. More strength in coping is found by sharing than by sealing off, and oddly enough, at some point helping someone else with her grief can help one with her own.

Finally, consider that a failure to grieve is really a disservice to the departed. Did he mean so little to you that his loss could be shrugged off all in an instant? If so, he must not have meant much to you. I'd say you owe it to his memory to mourn him fully and freely, and if you have acquaintances who can't deal with that, the loss is theirs. Death is part of life, and should be embraced as seriously as the fun times. Perhaps more, for it is in the showing of compassion that we display our humanity best.

-- Mal