John Travolta Sued By Masseur: "He Touched My Penis"

[BanTheGOP]

25. "Welcome Back, Kotter!"

In related news, three men filed A CIVIL ACTION against John Travolta. One defendant named MICHAEL claimed Travolta asked him to GREASE his SWORDFISH. Michael replied BE COOL, you don't want to end up up with a BROKEN ARROW. The second plaintiff stated Travolta asked him if he wanted to GET SHORTY and ride his WILD HOGS like an URBAN COWBOY, and the witness claims he fought Travolta off by spraying HAIRSPRAY in his eyes. The third Witness admitted he was angered when Travolta whipped out his PUNISHER, which led to a FACE-OFF, where Travolta BOLTed before the police were called for the DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE.

Travolta denies the allegations, calling the accusations a work of PULP FICTION. "What would I want with a trio of OLD DOGS? I was busy trying to get with THE GENERAL's DAUGHTER, CARRIE (SHE'S SO LOVELY with the EYES OF AN ANGEL). These SAVAGES will be exposed and everyone will see their PRIMARY COLORS. This is a MAD CITY full of mad people. But THE EXPERTS will present the PERFECT defense, and I will SHOUT when I'm exonerated."

Some may call this PHENOMENON a case of SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, but this reporter sees sex offenses as a WHITE MAN'S BURDEN.