NRA To Speak On Newtown Dec. 21

[jmowreader]

17. Exclusive: The NRA's announcement

We, the four million members of the National Rifle Association, have conducted a full investigation of the facts surrounding the Sandy Hook Massacre. These are our findings.

It's Obama's fault.

The evil, traitorous, Kenyan-born usurper in the White House supports socialist programs like public education and gun confiscation. The patriotic American who unfortunately committed these horrific acts merely succumbed to the stress of living in a communist country and used a Second Amendment solution to his problems.

We offer these meaningful contributions to help make sure this never happens again.

First, impeach the traitor in the White House and any Democrat in line for the presidency. Only a Republican president can help bring chaos out of this disorder.

Second, close all the public schools. The assassin wouldn't have been able to shoot up a public school if there weren't any.

Third, cut taxes so private schoolteachers can afford guns. More guns means less crime, except when patriotic Americans stressed out about the prospects of living under communism snap in the presence of guns.

And finally, designate the NRA a Cabinet-level agency.