Uncertainty for families as China ends foreign adoptions

[Dem2theMax]

18. Adoptees tend to live in a permanent state of denial.

We are told, from the moment we are able to understand language, that we were 'special, chosen, lucky to have a family.' And everyone, and I do mean everyone, praises the adoptive parents for what they have done.

We are not allowed to speak up and tell anyone that we are not happy. For one thing, we are terrified to do so. We've already been rejected once. By our birth mothers. So we live in a constant state of fear of being rejected again, by anyone and everyone. So we keep quiet, never telling anyone our inner feelings, and we suffer. Lots of adoptees never look inward, because if they did, the pain is unimaginable.

And we are supposed to be eternally grateful to have been saved. Saved? I was taken from my mother. That's not being saved. That's destroying my life.

I do know adoptees who were lucky enough to be adopted by people who actually knew what they were supposed to do. My adoptive parents thought it was all about providing the things we need in life, such as a roof over our head, food on the table, clothes on our backs. They had no idea how to emotionally parent a child.

Even if you are lucky enough to get adoptive parents who know what to do, they can't fix what's inside of us adoptees. It can never be fixed, even if you meet your birth parents and establish a relationship with them. The only thing that could fix it would be to go back in time and undo the adoption. And that's impossible.

For a lot of adoptees, our experience is that our adoptive parents expect us to be mini-versions of them. One, or both parents, are upset that they cannot have biological children. They see that as their own failure. So they do everything they can to turn us into them. But we are not them. We are our birth parents. We have their DNA. Inwardly, our adoptive parents know this, and it makes them angry. So they try to do whatever they can to crush our spirit, including trying to beat it out of us, physically, as well as emotionally.

Heaven forbid us adopted kids try to speak up. No one wants to listen to us. So we turn into people pleasers. We have to do everything we can to make everyone around us happy, to guarantee that no one else will leave us. We live in an emotional nightmare. Even adoptees who say they had a happy life, I guarantee you they have not looked inside themselves.