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Response to Suji to Seoul (Original post)

Tue Nov 13, 2012, 12:53 AM

12. Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving.

We in Pennsylvania intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.


Citizen of the Enlightened States Of America

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Arrow 43 replies Author Time Post
Suji to Seoul Nov 2012 OP
hrmjustin Nov 2012 #1
Fuddnik Nov 2012 #14
olddad56 Nov 2012 #2
Hestia Nov 2012 #30
sofa king Nov 2012 #42
SayitAintSo Nov 2012 #3
oldbanjo Nov 2012 #23
rocktivity Nov 2012 #4
sakabatou Nov 2012 #9
Selatius Nov 2012 #18
awoke_in_2003 Nov 2012 #21
rowdyjesus Nov 2012 #5
kentauros Nov 2012 #33
Myrina Nov 2012 #35
SoapBox Nov 2012 #6
earthside Nov 2012 #7
TheBlackAdder Nov 2012 #8
Flatulo Nov 2012 #10
freshwest Nov 2012 #24
Flatulo Nov 2012 #29
Historic NY Nov 2012 #11
LineReply Dear Red States:
BlueSun Nov 2012 #12
freshwest Nov 2012 #25
harun Nov 2012 #32
toby jo Nov 2012 #36
Liberalynn Nov 2012 #37
zonkers Nov 2012 #13
BlueSun Nov 2012 #15
Kablooie Nov 2012 #22
Scairp Nov 2012 #16
BlueSun Nov 2012 #19
Scairp Nov 2012 #43
justice1 Nov 2012 #17
Gabby Hayes Nov 2012 #20
Drunken Irishman Nov 2012 #26
FreedomRain Nov 2012 #27
AngryOldDem Nov 2012 #28
raccoon Nov 2012 #31
Myrina Nov 2012 #34
Tx4obama Nov 2012 #38
Cha Nov 2012 #39
loyalsister Nov 2012 #40
Homer Wells Nov 2012 #41
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