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In reply to the discussion: Condoleezza Rice on #MeToo: 'Let's not turn women into snowflakes' [View all]moriah
(8,311 posts)I admit I was glad he took the time to actually ask me if he'd ever treated me badly, made me feel inferior, etc.
He hadn't, but he was probably remembering that I woke him up in the middle of the night a lot. (I worked the night shift support desk, he was a daytime onsite engineer with oncall weeks, and if a server turned into a swerver in the middle of the night.... well, it's never pleasant). And, knowing he took time to wake up, I would call him and just say "We've got a down server at the ?DC. Can you call back in a few with your ETA?" vs bombard him with details. And that I always brewed a fresh pot of coffee if a CE I called was coming in (our office was also the parts depot).
(Edit to add on chicks and coffee: I didn't take it upon myself to give that same treatment to every CE when someone else "owned" the call -- though by the time I had seniority, I often was the person "owning" those types of calls, especially if they were important to the client.
And also by that level of seniority and being the only woman, I had many kind male colleagues who took it upon themselves to refresh my coffee while I was working a call, or who would realize I didn't have time to brew for an incoming CE and do it for me, knowing it was my routine. So we were actually pretty egalitarian on coffee -- especially on the rule that the person who takes the second-to-last cup should offer the dregs to anyone who needs the concentrated burned caffeine from the Bunn, then rinse and start a new pot. Coffee was sacred.)
I did that because it was just kind -- not because I was a chick. And he thanked me for being thoughtful frequently, as did most of the others (except the Mormon, but I didn't bother with a fresh pot knowing he didn't indulge). We've remained friends since I left the company many years ago because he does have a good heart, and despite differing political views could discuss them politely vs getting into name-calling.
Yes, when he was voicing concerns about being falsely accused, the way he was rationalizing the misogyny was itself misogynistic -- yet in the "snowflake" way -- he said he was afraid a woman might feel intimidated if she was alone with a male supervisor without him meaning to.
He did at least say my suggestion to, if he was really that paranoid, keep the office door open with all of his subordinates unless they requested privacy, and keep it policy, would probably make him feel more comfortable. And he said he hadn't thought about what I said about that his very reticence to "upset" her he might be both damaging her opportunities for networking and advancement, and possibly be the very thing that she could lodge a *legitimate* complaint about, but saw my point after I pointed out how his dinners with colleagues had helped networking, and some were just him and a single higher-up.