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Response to Adenoid_Hynkel (Original post)

Mon Jul 2, 2012, 03:24 AM

18. ...and The Onion

Team Romney needs to accent the views of the parody media to reinforce his campaign platform:


Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

ESCONDIDO, CA—Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.

"Our very way of life is under siege," said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination. "It's time for true Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are."

According to Mortensen—an otherwise mild-mannered husband, father, and small-business owner—the most serious threat to his fanciful version of the 222-year-old Constitution is the attempt by far-left "traitors" to strip it of its religious foundation.

"Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear: 'one nation under God,'" said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any reference to a deity until 1954. "Well, there's a reason they put that right at the top."

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 19 replies Author Time Post
Adenoid_Hynkel Jul 2012 OP
mountain grammy Jul 2012 #1
Ratty Jul 2012 #3
TeamPooka Jul 2012 #2
krkaufman Jul 2012 #7
Mz Pip Jul 2012 #4
NCcoast Jul 2012 #5
jmowreader Jul 2012 #15
krkaufman Jul 2012 #6
BlueCaliDem Jul 2012 #8
1StrongBlackMan Jul 2012 #9
CatWoman Jul 2012 #10
jmowreader Jul 2012 #16
cstanleytech Jul 2012 #11
MADem Jul 2012 #13
stopbush Jul 2012 #12
UnrepentantLiberal Jul 2012 #14
secondwind Jul 2012 #17
LineNew Reply ...and The Onion
JohnnyRingo Jul 2012 #18
OKNancy Jul 2012 #19
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