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Response to 7962 (Reply #24)

Fri Aug 14, 2015, 10:45 AM

35. I have been doing Protection from Abuse for 25 years, and there is some truth to your statement


In studies involving abused women, the abuse DROPS as the woman becomes more and more isolated from friends and relatives and become the toy in the abuser's closet that NO ONE ELSE CAN USE. As a woman becomes more outgoing, for example drives her own car, or worse gets a job to pay the bills, the level of abuse INCREASES for the abuser is losing control over his toy (lack of a better name when taking the view of the abuser not the abusee).

Thus, a man who HATES cats (as oppose to a man who just dislikes cats), implies a person who wants anything he has to be his and his alone and at his beck and call. That includes women, dogs and cats, but only women and dogs will tolerate such total control for any length of time.

Now, we men like to "Control" our women, but "Control" is again a bad term, but the best term I can come up with. We want our women around when we want them, but we also understand they have they own lives and will lead them. Most men accept that women will not always be at our beck and call and we accept that. At the same time we do want them around when we need them (and understand that is NOT always possible). It is conflict that people have lived with for over 100,000 years (if not longer).

Abusers take the level of "Control" most men want over their women to an extreme most men reject. i.e. your comment that men who dislike cats are NOT the problem, for they understand cats and accept cats and that cats are never 100% at your beck and call and dislike cats for that reason, but do not hate them for they accept that somethings can NEVER be under their 100% control.

On the other hand, men who HATE cats, dislike the the LACK of COMPLETE control one has over cats. Cats will NOT always be at your beck and call, they have their own lives to live and will live them. Thus such abusers hate cats for cats will NOT do want they want when they want it.

On the other hand dogs and women are social animals. They both want to belong to someone (again a bad term but also the best term I can come up with). I have seen dogs and women put up with abuse so that they could maintain they place in whatever social order they are in. In the case of dogs, the pack (which includes the dog's master), in the case of women living with her man. Both dogs and women value being a member of that social group and will do all they can to stay in that social group, until it become clear it is not sustainable.

When it becomes clear that being under the control of her man is no longer sustainable, women have a hard time breaking up. Worse, as a woman becomes more independent the abuse increases. You see this with dogs to a limited extent, dogs will take a lot of abuse just to be a member of the pack, a level of abuse that will found most cats long gone from the abusive situation.

On the other hand a man who dislikes cats, as oppose to hating them, has no real desire to control those cats, thus does not try to control cats. Such men also tend NOT to have a need to have a level of control over their women that is unreasonable, thus do not feel the need to abuse their women to keep their women "in line".

Thus I have to agree with your statement, men who dislike cats, tend to be men who accept they lack of control over cats. On the other hand men who HATE cats, hate cats do to that very lack of control, a level of control such men see as their right as a man (and most men reject as stupid and extreme).

Yes, I have compared dogs and women in this thread, but I have seen both in abusive situations AND seen both do all they can do to stay in the situation for they value being a member of a pack (in case of a dog) or a member of a "family" (in case of a woman) more important then objecting to the abuse.

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Liberal_in_LA Aug 2015 OP
The Velveteen Ocelot Aug 2015 #1
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7962 Aug 2015 #24
LineLineReply I have been doing Protection from Abuse for 25 years, and there is some truth to your statement
happyslug Aug 2015 #35
7962 Aug 2015 #36
happyslug Aug 2015 #38
Liberal_in_LA Aug 2015 #49
Octafish Aug 2015 #25
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