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Response to Aerows (Reply #16)

Thu Jul 12, 2012, 03:46 AM

19. I had basically the exact thing happen. Back porch, late at night. I can't remember...

...why I wanted to shoo them off but there was some reason. So I slide open the porch door and I'm all making cat-hiss noises and stuff to get them to scram. There were three of 'em. The first two sort of amble off absent-mindedly but the third one stands on his hind legs like "Oh, hey, who're you? I think I can take you, old man. What do you think about that?"

Now I'm physically making shooing motions because the psychic connection between the raccoon and I allowed me to read his thoughts and I'm a little hurt- "Hey, uncool! I'm not that old."

But he ain't moving. Standing on hind legs, little beady eyes just staring right at me in perfect concentration, while them little hands play over the cement in case there was a Cadbury egg or a chicken liver or something that he might not want to miss.

Eventually I realize I want to get a stick and poke his uppity ass with it. I just want to at this point, because fuck this raccoon. He's telepathically called me old and, damnit, if there do happen to be any Cadbury eggs or chicken livers on my back porch, they're mine.

And then I realize the best way to win this battle is to go back inside, close the patio door and fuck that racoon. I hope he found a bunch of unexploded landmines from WWII on my porch, but I know, deep down, it was probably a Cadburdy egg.

I've had lots of similar experiences, usually without the name-calling. Because of how close it is to the river, and because the campus is actually a giant arboretum, I've seen troupes of raccoons 15-20 strong moving through the middle of the University of Oregon campus at like, I have no idea, like 3am or some silly shit like that. Same with Hendricks park, which is a park on a hill even closer to the river.

15-20 raccoons and I start walking the opposite direction at 50 yards.


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cali Jul 2012 OP
Honeycombe8 Jul 2012 #1
tularetom Jul 2012 #9
SidDithers Jul 2012 #2
DontTreadOnMe Jul 2012 #3
DURHAM D Jul 2012 #13
underseasurveyor Jul 2012 #15
Kennah Jul 2012 #17
Zalatix Jul 2012 #18
Hassin Bin Sober Jul 2012 #4
magical thyme Jul 2012 #5
HiPointDem Jul 2012 #8
MnFats Jul 2012 #21
Surya Gayatri Jul 2012 #6
HiPointDem Jul 2012 #7
-..__... Jul 2012 #10
Poll_Blind Jul 2012 #11
Aerows Jul 2012 #16
LineLineLineNew Reply I had basically the exact thing happen. Back porch, late at night. I can't remember...
Poll_Blind Jul 2012 #19
Capt.Rocky300 Jul 2012 #12
Jim Warren Jul 2012 #14
pansypoo53219 Jul 2012 #20
spinbaby Jul 2012 #22
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