I just returned to DU after a rather long absence. Part of the reason was my own dear husband's illness and passing. It was just two years ago the other day, and I know how much it hurts right now, but it will get better. I pretty much survived on ramen noodles for the first couple of months...getting your appetite back is an important first step, and a good sign.
I will give you one piece of admittedly unsolicited advice, though. Let yourself feel what you're feeling. I was all determined to be strong and brave. You know the head trips you go through...his suffering is over, he's in a better place, the disease can't hurt him anymore, etc. Then one day I had a total meltdown and spent the better part of the day pretty much glued to the floor and couch. I decided then that if I teared up and it made someone uncomfortable, fuck 'em. My friends and sisters understood, and that's all that mattered.
You'll get through this. It does get better. My sister told me she knew I had turned the corner when I changed my email signature from Churchill's "When you're going through hell, keep going", to "Ob La Di, Ob La Da, Life Goes On".
We're all here for you.
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