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Mon Aug 22, 2016, 05:17 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #39: #HoorayFreedom Edition [View all]

Last edited Mon Aug 22, 2016, 06:48 PM - Edit history (2)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #39: #HoorayFreedom Edition

Ed. Note - Before we get started this week - sorry folks – computers are shitheads. I had this whole thing planned for Sunday but my computer went down, and so I will post what I had meant for Sunday as well as this week, since there’s a possibility I won’t be here on Wednesday, and hopefully we’ll get back on schedule.

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Hey Google and Ad Choices, please stop asking me to visit advertiser because we both know that ain’t happening. Unless they sponsor my show then I would love to visit advertiser! Just sayin’. We are back! You know last week we had our special all Donald Trump edition and we ended with Mitch McConnell in the “People Who Somehow Got Elected” segment. And you know we’re getting back to normal here after the all Trump edition. So how many people are watching the Olympics? You know I thought we were going to get a shit storm in Rio but it seems like things are running smoothly, other than the swimming pool turning into a toxic green color, but apparently the IOC and the government of Brazil was like “OK it’s fine to swim in!”. But I’m getting frustrated with the coverage I’m seeing here – literally every time I turn on the TV, the only thing I see is volleyball or basketball. Can NBC show any other sports please? But I think we can all agree that we were won over and enamored with the Irish rowing team who won the gold medal in that contest Sunday. Can we show that?

That has to be the most Irish interview I’ve ever seen. But the Olympics have been great haven’t they? Well mainly not NBC’s coverage. You know it would be nice to turn on the Olympics and be able to watch sports other than volleyball or basketball which seem to be on nearly every single time I turn on the TV. Let’s get right down to it shall we? But first after the RNC, DNC, and a couple of weeks in between, John Oliver is back in true form and completely owns Donald Trump by comparing him to a character from a children's book called "The Kid Who Ran For President":

So where do we begin this week? First off, I was tipped off to a Donald Trump Tweet generator, which we will be using to our advantage not just here but throughout the Top 10. You can have some fun with this too: http://faketrumptweet.com/ . And we are going to have some fun with this! While returning champion Donald Trump won’t be occupying the top 2 slots this week like he normally does, this week instead we are awarding the top 2 slots to Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort (1, 2). It seems that Manafort’s name appeared at the top of a payroll ledger for a pro-Russian group based in the Ukraine and that has everyone talking, including Hillary Clinton herself. Taking up the third, fourth, and fifth slots of course is Donald J. Trump (3, 4, 5). In the third slot we’ll talk about Donald Trump’s health – a mysterious letter has surfaced from Trump’s doctor and reports are it may have been forged. While in the fourth slot we’re going to talk about how Donald Trump called Obama the founder of ISIS and he’s still not done with his attacks on Khzir Khan. And in the fifth slot we’re going to talk about the republicans and charities, among other Trump madness. In the number 6 slot we’re going to bring back “How Is This Still A Thing” and ask – body shaming – how is this still a thing? Specifically Fox News, Donald Trump and Matt Drudge are age shaming Olympians and Hillary Clinton, among other atrocities. In the number 7 slot is Republican Sexists (7). It starts with Milo Yiannopoulos. You may remember him as the smooth talking jackass who got kicked off Twitter for harassing Ghostbusters star Leslie Jones, but guess what? He’s back! Meanwhile Rush Limbaugh is convinced Obama is gearing for a takeover of lesbian farmers. Hey I’m for it! And for more than just body shaming. At number 8, the Bathroom Police (8) are back and not going away any time soon. So sigh… federal trans bathroom guidelines got rejected again and we’ll tell you all about it. In the number 9 slot (NEIN!!!) Stephen Anderson wants to challenge you to an arm wrestling competition to prove he’s not gay. No seriously! Finally this week we’re going to take the Top 10 Mystery Machine to Rio for a special Olympic episode. What exactly happened with Ryan Lochte at a Brazillian gas station? As we delve into this mystery, the answer is going to surprise you! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Paul Manafort[/font]

So in case you were living under a rock last week, you know that Donald Trump basically told his followers to go 2nd amendment on Hillary Clinton. Whatever that means. Let’s roll tape on that shall we?

But here’s something you didn’t know – something that got lost in the headlines last week. And it’s quite possibly batshit insane. So the Trump campaign is in turmoil, and you might be asking what is going on with his campaign manager? Well let’s first go back to last April when Trump fired his former campaign manager and hired Paul Manafort, and we’ll explain to you who exactly Mr. Manafort is:

Strangely, the HUD scandal proved a marketing boon for the firm. An aide to Mobutu Sese Seko told the journalist Art Levine, “That only shows how important they are!” Indeed, Manafort enticed the African dictator to hire the firm. Many of the world’s dictators eventually became his clients. “Name a dictator and Black, Manafort will name the account,” Levine wrote. (Levine’s piece, published in Spy, featured a sidebar ranking the ethical behavior of Washington lobbyists: It found Black, Manafort the worst of the bunch.) The client list included Philippine strongman Ferdinand Marcos (with a $900,000 yearly contract) and the despots of the Dominican Republic, Nigeria, Kenya, Equatorial Guinea, and Somalia. When the Center for Public Integrity detailed the firm’s work, it titled the report “The Torturers’ Lobby.”

His lobbying helped convince Congress to send Savimbi hundreds of millions in covert aid. Indeed, every time Angola stood on the precipice of peace talks, Manafort, Black worked to generate a fresh round of arms—shipments that many experts believe extended the conflict. Sen. Bill Bradley was blunt in assigning blame. “When Gorbachev pulled the plug on Soviet aid to the Angolan government, we had absolutely no reason to persist in aiding Savimbi. But by then he had hired an effective Washington lobbying firm, which successfully obtained further funding.” Or as Art Levine concluded, “So the war lasted another two more years and claimed a few thousand more lives! So what? What counts to a Washington lobbyist is the ability to deliver a tangible victory and spruce up his client’s image.”

Holy shit! No wonder Donald Trump wants to hire this guy – he would be the perfect guy to spearhead a campaign that’s built on trying to keep people out of this country! Or any country for that matter given what he’s done to Angola. So why is he all of a sudden in the news?

In the hours since the New York Times uncovered millions of dollars in illegal secret cash payments made from a Vladimir Putin puppet to Donald Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort, all hell has broken loose within the Trump campaign – and much of it is playing out in public for all to see. One of Trump’s top surrogates is publicly gloating over Manafort’s criminal connections, while another top Trump surrogate is publicly accusing a fellow Trump surrogate of “working for Hillary Clinton.”

The Trump campaign meltdown began late Sunday evening when the NY Times published the story exposing Manafort’s millions of dollars in hidden illegal payments from Vladimir Putin lackey Viktor Yanukovych. Corey Lewandowski, who had been Trump’s campaign manager until he was fired this spring and replaced with Manafort, tweeted out a link to the article as if to gloat about the fact that his replacement is being taken down by a corruption scandal. 3

You know replacing one guy in your entourage who's been embroiled by scandal with another, is kind of like drinking VitaminWater - you know it's not healthy but it sure as shit isn't good for you! But there's more and I feel like we're living in the Matrix.

But there’s more to this. Oh no, we’re not done.

Donald Trump's behavior in recent days - from criticizing the parents of a fallen American soldier to declining to endorse House Speaker Paul Ryan- has strained the nerves of his campaign staff as he falls behind in the polls.

I exchanged messages this evening with a longtime ally of Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort, who I asked about who was calling the shots in the campaign. The response indicated that Manafort, a veteran of Republican politics brought in this spring for the transition from primaries to the general election, has lost control over his candidate.

"Manafort not challenging (Trump) anymore," Manafort's ally wrote. "Mailing it in. Staff suicidal."


Ouch. So you’re saying “suicidal” is not the term you want to hear when you’re running for president of the United States! I say a pox, a pox on thee, good sir / madam!!

Nyuk! Nyuk! NyuK! Whooooo whoooo!! So what does Hillary Clinton think about this whole spiel? Well here’s what Mrs. Clinton had to say about that:

" Clinton campaign press secretary Robby Mook issued a late-night statement on the bombshell in the recent New York Times detailing Donald Trump’s campaign chair Paul Manafort and his questionable dealings in Ukraine.

Mook notes that the comes just before Trump is scheduled to give a major foreign policy address Monday on what his strategy will be if he is elected as president.

“We have learned of more troubling connections between Donald Trump’s team and pro-Kremlin elements in Ukraine,” Mook said in the statement. “Given the pro-Putin policy stances adopted by Donald Trump and the recent Russian government hacking and disclosure of Democratic Party records, Donald Trump has a responsibility to disclose campaign chair Paul Manafort’s and all other campaign employees’ and advisers’ ties to Russian or pro-Kremlin entities, including whether any of Trump’s employees or advisers are currently representing and or being paid by them.”

more at: http://www.rawstory.com/2016/08/clinton-campaign-responds-to-shocking-revelations-about-paul-manaforts-pro-kremlin-ties/

Ouch. But we’re still not done – in fact here’s what else you need to know about Mr. Manafort – this is very long but well worth looking into:

In 1980. Manafort co-founded Black, Manafort, Stone and Kelly (BMSK), a powerhouse beltway lobbying firm alongside partners Stone, a longtime Trump confidante, and Charles Black, a leading strategist in the John Kasich campaign. One of its most lucrative clients was Jonas Savimbi, leader of UNITA, the pro-Western rebel army fighting the Communist government in Angola. Manafort helped make Savimbi a heroic figure among conservative Washington think-tanks, and aided him in securing hundreds of millions of dollars in aid from the Reagan and Bush Administrations, money that never brought victory.

In the mid-1980s, the regime of Ferdinand Marcos, the dictator of the Philippines, paid BMSK $950,000 a year to lobby for funding, as well as polish his blackened reputation among lawmakers, with Manafort serving as his chief advocate. Another top client was Mobutu Seko of Zaire, renowned as the quintessential corrupt African dictator. Manafort even sought to recruit Siad Barre, the strongman of Somalia. In her book “Choosing the Hero,” Riva Levinson recalls that Manafort asked her assistance in luring Barre. When she objected on ethical grounds, the boss explained: “We all know he’s a bad guy, but he’s our bad guy!”

[font size="8"]Paul Manafort[/font]

So the Donald Trump campaign has essentially become a revolving door of shit at this point. Here’s what Hillary Clinton had to say about it:

" Clinton campaign press secretary Robby Mook issued a late-night statement on the bombshell in the recent New York Times detailing Donald Trump’s campaign chair Paul Manafort and his questionable dealings in Ukraine.

Mook notes that the comes just before Trump is scheduled to give a major foreign policy address Monday on what his strategy will be if he is elected as president.

“We have learned of more troubling connections between Donald Trump’s team and pro-Kremlin elements in Ukraine,” Mook said in the statement. “Given the pro-Putin policy stances adopted by Donald Trump and the recent Russian government hacking and disclosure of Democratic Party records, Donald Trump has a responsibility to disclose campaign chair Paul Manafort’s and all other campaign employees’ and advisers’ ties to Russian or pro-Kremlin entities, including whether any of Trump’s employees or advisers are currently representing and or being paid by them.”

more at: http://www.rawstory.com/2016/08/clinton-campaign-responds-to-shocking-revelations-about-paul-manaforts-pro-kremlin-ties/

And if there’s anything that the Trump campaign needs, it’s PR. I mean if you’re going to attack Hillary Clinton for some e-mails, what about the, I don’t know, 22 million that went missing from the Bush administration? Where’s the outrage there?

22 million RNC emails erased from a private server. I don't recall an intense scrutiny or "outrage" like Hillary is getting. And many of those, no doubt, were communications regarding the lead up to the illegal Iraq invasion.


But now what? When you have a campaign surrounded in turmoil, where do you go from there? Well who does Trump replace Manafort with? Well….

The problem with Paul Manafort, it turns out, was not that he was a shill for allies of the Kremlin. It’s that he tried to turn Trump into a respectable-ish general election politician. Now that Manafort has received a de facto demotion, to be replaced by Steve Bannon, the executive chairman of Breitbart News, we can expect to see Trump drop any pretense of cleaning up his act. Instead, he’s reportedly going to amplify the combative persona and ethno-nationalist message that won him the GOP primary:

Costa adds that this “gloves off” strategy entails “brutal fights with Clinton” and “heavy emphasis on nationalism and populism.” Breitbart is, after all, the online world’s biggest cheerleader for Trump and the home of the political alt-right. Bannon, whom Bloomberg once dubbed “the most dangerous political operative in America,” once chided Fox News for being too liberal. As we barrel toward election day, it looks like the campaign has decided to let Trump be Trump.

Oh man wouldn’t American politics be so much better with a steel cage death match?

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Before we get started on all things Trumpenfuror this week, OMG, I love this story. So there’s a Fox News correspondent who’s claiming that Obama and Clinton are purposefully “baiting” Trump to say stupid things on a regular basis. Uh no… sorry. Trump himself says stupid things on a daily basis:

Kimberly “Kill them all” Guilfoyle regularly dives off the deep end of our fact-filled universe, is now blaming President Obama and Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton for all the stupid things Donald Trump says. The Trump apologist claimed Friday on Fox News’ The Five,

“It’s like the most unholy partnership of all time between the Obama Administration, Hillary Clinton, constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”

Where to begin? First of all, what she is really complaining about is that to Trump’s ridiculous and unfounded claims, Obama and Clinton respond with reason, logic, and a whole lotta fact. Not the sort of stuff Trump wants put up against the tall tales he’s busy spinning.

I like that one. But I have to give props to the Donald Trump Fake Tweet Generator, which you can find at http://www.faketrumptweet.com , and you can make it say anything you want and it will come out as a Donald Trump Tweet. Like this:

Why thank you Trumpenfuror! Well Donald J. Trump – you know him as the guy who headed the reality show The Apprentice and kept Meatloaf and Gary Busey from killing each other:

By the way, if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend going to check out Seth Rogen’s hilarious new animated flick Sausage Party. *Spoiler alert* There’s a scene where a literal piece of meatloaf is singing Meatloaf’s signature song “I’ll Do Anything For Love”. That tells you all you need to know about this movie.

That one never gets old. Getting back to our possible future [strike]President[/strike] Third World Dictator Donald J. Trump, you know that republicans hate this thing called “facts”. They also hate these things called “logic” and “reason”.

According to Sykes, any attempts to continue fighting back against misinformation is dismissed with complaints that he has “sold out,” adding, “Then they’ll ask what’s wrong with me for not repeating these stories that I know not to be true.”

Sykes warned “There’s got to be a reckoning on all this.”

“We’ve created this monster,” he warned. “Look, I’m a conservative talk show host. All conservative talk show hosts have basically established their brand as being contrasted with the mainstream media. So we have spent 20 years demonizing the liberal mainstream media. And by the way, a lot has been justifiable. There is real bias. But, at a certain point you wake up and you realize you have destroyed the credibility of any credible outlet out there.”

“And I feeling, to a certain extent, that we are reaping the whirlwind at that,” he continued. “And I have to look in the mirror and ask myself, ‘To what extent did I contribute?'”

But you know failed presidential candidate and Donald Trump speech stage prop Chris Christie it was revealed that Christie might have picked up the tab for one of Trumpenfuror’s failed business ventures – his New Jersey casino:


By the time Chris Christie became governor of New Jersey, the state’s auditors and lawyers had been battling for several years to collect long-overdue taxes owed by the casinos founded by his friend Donald Trump.

The total, with interest, had grown to almost $30 million. The state had doggedly pursued the matter through two of the casinos’ bankruptcy cases and even accused the company led by Trump of filing false reports with state casino regulators about the amount of taxes it had paid.

But the year after Christie, a Republican, took office, the tone of the litigation shifted. The state entertained settlement offers. And in December 2011, after six years in court, the state agreed to accept just $5 million, roughly 17 cents on the dollar of what auditors said the casinos owed.

Tax authorities sometimes settle for lesser amounts to avoid the costs and risks of further litigation, legal experts said, but the steep discount granted to the Trump casinos and the relationship between the two men raise inevitable questions about special treatment.

This is my new favorite thing.

But there’s more to this thing – what did Donald Trump have to do with this mysterious letter? Did he write it? And what do we make of this? No one is Superman or Khan.

What are “astonishingly excellent” laboratory test results? I’m a doctor, and I don’t know. Is it astonishing that a 70-year-old man has normal results? All his results are exactly average which is good — but wait, I thought his tests are all positive?

And while we’re at it, doctors just don’t say “laboratory test results” that sounds like something on a soap opera.

5. Doctors don’t say “test score” — we just give the results.

The conventional way to reference PSA would be PSA 0.81 ng/ml (normal < 4 ng/ml). A test score is something that happens at the DMV.

6. How did Dr. Bornstein test Donald Trump’s strength and stamina?

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Buyer’s Remorse. That thing you get when you get really wasted, go on iTunes and then the next morning you wake up and find out you purchased 15 Bon Jovi albums including 3 greatest hits collections. I didn’t know Bon Jovi had that many albums! I just wanted to hear “You Give Love A Bad Name” because I was very poorly singing along to it at karaoke last night! Well Donald J. Trump doesn’t know that term and I don’t think the GOP does either. Look at what one pundit has been saying –first look at what he said in February of this year during the straw poll:

That’s my choice. They’re making a stand in Iowa today, and I want to do the same.

Incredibly, unbelievably, after these months of debates and speeches, it’s Trump. He’s the one. He’s who America needs.

And I think he is going to roll to victory, not just through the primaries, but in the general election as well. He’s going to take it Andrew Jackson style, in a populist rising that is as much about giving the finger to the establishment as it is about backing him.

I started out thinking he was a joke.

Having seen him play the toe-in-the-water game too many times, I thought his pretensions of a campaign were ludicrous. Back then, I wanted Mitt Romney to run again.

And then look at what he said last week – man the hypocrisy reeks here!

Donald, you dumb son of a bitch.

You've destroyed yourself, and you're about to take the rest of us down with you.

Do you understand that?

Tens of millions of Americans invested in you, not because they gave a damn about you, but because they love their country. And because you convinced them you could lead their country out of the doldrums of decay created by progressive globalists.

They bought into you. A whole political party bought into you.

And you crapped the bed.

You've gotten so stupid, so decidedly self-destructive, that it doesn't seem like an accident. It seems like you're a political suicide bomber, intent on destroying not just the Republican Party, but also the United States.

Yes you did asshole!!! You helped create this problem! You get to fix it!

But that guy is right in that Donald Trump continues to shoot his mouth off and say things that are as batshit crazy as what came before it. Like last week for example. Can we roll tape on that?

I like that one. So here’s what happened:

Washington (CNN)Indiana Gov. Mike Pence said Donald Trump was being "serious" when he spoke this week about President Barack Obama being the "founder" of ISIS, saying that the GOP nominee "getting people's attention."
Speaking with "Fox News Sunday," Trump's running mate was asked to clear up whether Trump was being sarcastic, as he tweeted on Friday, or being serious, as he said multiple times throughout the week.
"I think he was being very serious," Pence said. "He was making a point that needs to be made, that there is no question that the failed policies of President Barack Obama and then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, in the wider Middle East, created a vacuum within Iraq in which ISIS was able to arise."

I am having way too much fun with this thing. But there’s more! You know who is backing Donald Trump’s controversial statements? Why if you guessed it was Israeli terrorist-ish group Hezbollah, you are correct good sir / madam! Points!

Donald Trump has apparently found an unlikely espouser of his allegation President Obama was the “founder” of the Islamic State (ISIS).

Hassan Nasrallah, leader of the militant Hezbollah group, said at a rally in southern Lebanon Saturday that Mr. Trump's statement, which the Republican presidential nominee has since backed away from, was was factual, reported Al-Manar, a Lebanese TV outlet.

"This is an American presidential candidate who is saying this. What he says is based on facts and documents," said Mr. Nasrallah, adding that Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were responsible for the destabilization of the region that created ISIS.

And of course Trumpenfuror is, like a good republican, denying that he didn’t say those things that he said – calling it “sarcasm” which I don’t think he quite gets the definition of:

Washington (CNN)Donald Trump on Friday attempted to walk back the widely criticized false claim he repeatedly made over the last two days that President Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were "co-founders" of ISIS -- saying he was being sarcastic.
Trump tweeted Friday morning that the media was missing his sarcasm.

"Ratings challenged @CNN reports so seriously that I call President Obama (and Clinton) "the founder" of ISIS, & MVP. THEY DON'T GET SARCASM?" Trump wrote.


[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Can Donald Trump seriously go 5 whole minutes without making an ass of himself? I mean here he is calling for the end of the Clinton Foundation. I mean seriously what the fuck:

Donald Trump is calling for the Clinton Foundation to be “shut down immediately.”

The Republican nominee issued a statement Monday morning saying the foundation is “the most corrupt enterprise in political history.”

“Hillary Clinton is the defender of the corrupt and rigged status quo. The Clintons have spent decades as insiders lining their own pockets and taking care of donors instead of the American people. It is now clear that the Clinton Foundation is the most corrupt enterprise in political history. What they were doing during Crooked Hillary’s time as Secretary of State was wrong then, and it is wrong now. It must be shut down immediately.”

The call comes following Republican accusations that Clinton gave foundation donors special treatment and access while she was secretary of State.

If he’s going to blast the Clinton charity for doing the wrong thing, shouldn’t he be blasting a lot of charties for doing the wrong thing? I mean just this week Gabby Giffords and her anti-gun charity endorsed a republican candidate who got an A+ rating with the NRA!

The gun control group founded by Gabby Giffords and her husband, Mark Kelly, has endorsed two Republican Senators in tough re-election fights as it seeks to expand its outreach.

In an op-ed on CNN Monday, Americans for Responsible Solutions backed Sens. Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania and Mark Kirk of Illinois, who are both facing tough re-election races in a year in which Democrats hope to regain control of the Senate.

The two sitting Senators voted in favor of gun control proposals after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, where 20 children were killed.

“In the wake of the tragedy at Sandy Hook, Republican Sens. Pat Toomey and Mark Kirk broke from the gun lobby and supported a bill to help prevent felons, domestic abusers and the dangerously mentally ill from obtaining firearms at gun shows and online,” wrote Giffords and Kelly in the op-ed.


But you know Donald Trump isn’t the only guy on his campaign who’s hurling insults left and right. I give you the latest staff addition – Kellyanne Conway. We got a great big Conway across the USA! Come on sing it with me!

Donald Trump’s new campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, claimed Sunday that the GOP presidential nominee does not personally insult people.

George Stephanopoulos, host of ABC News’ “This Week,” showed Conway a series of video clips of her attacking Trump while she was supporting Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) during the primary. (Conway ran a super PAC backing Cruz’s candidacy.)

In one of the excerpts, Conway said she was not backing Trump because he “hurls personal insults.”

Oh and guess who Donald Trump hired as his foreign policy expert? Why it’s a conservative idiot hall of famer – Michelle Bachmann!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!

Tea Party firebrand Michele Bachmann says she is advising Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump on foreign policy.

The former Minnesota congresswoman attended a fundraiser in the state for Trump on Saturday, where she revealed to the press that she has his ear on foreign policy.

“He also recognizes there is a threat around the world, not just here in Minnesota, of radical Islam,” she said, according to MPR News. “I wish our President Obama also understood the threat of radical Islam and took it seriously.”

Read more: http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/292126-michele-bachmann-advising-trump-on-foreign-policy

[font size="8"]Matt Drudge[/font]

Time once again to ask:

Body shaming – how is this still a thing? And also the Drudge Report – how is this still a thing? I thought Matt Drudge was scraping the bottom of the barrel during the Bush administration but nope he’s back and getting better ratings than ever. And he’s been busy age shaming Hillary Clinton:

The Drudge Report on Sunday highlighted a months-old photo of Hillary Clinton slipping on a flight of stairs to suggest that the Democratic nominee’s health may be failing.

Photos released by Reuters and Getty in late February showed two men holding Clinton by the arms after she slipped on a staircase while campaigning in South Carolina ahead of that state's primary. As CNN’s Brian Stelter noted, right-wing Twitter users began circulating the images on Saturday night, mocking Clinton’s supposed frailty with no mention of when those photos were taken.

By Sunday, a right-wing blog called The American Mirror published a post about the “SHOCK PHOTO” that called Clinton “unstable” and asked when the “mainstream media” would question the former secretary of state’s “health status.”

Drudge quickly picked up the thread that afternoon, posting the image in a splash on his site's homepage along with a link to the American Mirror story and the headline “Hillary Conquers The Stairs.” As of Monday morning, the post had been moved just below the splash. Neither the original article nor The Drudge Report had been amended to note that the photo was over six months old, or that the caption on the image said that she had simply slipped.

Instead, Drudge supplied several links to previous spills Clinton had taken, dating back to 2009.

How is this different from the amount of times Ted Nugent has threatened Hillary Clinton or Harry Reid or President Obama? That seems to happen about once a year – conservatives recycle the same jokes more than most animated programs do. So this brings us to the subject of age shaming. Yes, we here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots are guilty of it given how many times we’ve attacked Clint Eastwood and posted “get off my lawn” graphics. So what are you going to do? Fight us about it? I thought liberals were supposed to be pacifist! Well there’s more – in fact Donald Trump is so guilty of body shaming that one street artist in New York decided to protest by creating a nude statue of Trumpenfuror. And in the interest of good taste, no, we won’t show pictures.

What has been seen, the saying goes, cannot be unseen, and for Indecline, a self-professed “anarchist art collective”, that was surely the point: on Thursday, the group installed five life-size effigies of Donald Trump, the Republican presidential candidate, in five cities across the US that left nothing to the imagination.

If you have none yourself, the title helped you out. The Emperor Has No Balls, the group gleefully dubbed it, stealth-installing duplicates of the naked Trump in New York, San Francisco, Cleveland, Seattle and Los Angeles. Each lasted barely an hour before being removed, but in an era where viral image-sharing precludes the fact of actually being there, that was more than long enough. The thousands of naked Trump selfies pinging around the social mediasphere made avoiding the gruesome spectacle impossible. Naked Trump is a part of us now, a perpetual presence forever an ill-fated Google image search away.

And by the way if you don’t have a strong stomach, we here at the Top 10 do not recommend Google image searching with the safe search turned off.

But there’s more. In fact not just age shaming but body shaming as well. There’s enough of this in your news feed that it should make your stomach turn:

An ad campaign touting a new featherweight laptop from HP is being denounced by some who find its slogan to be a body-shaming insult to anyone who isn’t skinny.

“This kind of advertising promotes fatphobia and negative body image. #ShameOnYouHP,” notes body-image author and activist Virgie Tovar on Instagram, where she has a loyal following of more than 13,600.

Um………………………………. They do realize they’re talking about laptops right?


And that didn’t stop Fox News and the NBC Olympic coverage from asking whether or not gold medal winners should be wearing makeup when they accept their awards:

Then, there was this “Should Female Olympians Wear Makeup?” segment on Fox’s “Sports Court,” featuring former New York city detective Bo Dietl and conservative radio host Mark Simone. It was certainly interesting, especially for those of us who have always wondered what Bo Dietl thought about what we should be doing with our faces. Which, we think, is probably no one. Tamara Holder, the show’s host (who, full disclosure, is a friend), opened up the segment:
We all know the old adage ‘sex sells.’ Well now, female Olympians are sexing it up more than ever by wearing makeup during their competitions. Some say this is about empowerment. Well, really? Do women who are elite athletes need to wear makeup to feel stronger, or is it simply a fashion statement?

The segment intended to address a recent USA Today article, “The empowering reasons why female athletes are wearing makeup during the Olympics,” which, despite the eyeroll of a headline, was sort of nice and cool and had a neat story about runner Shannon Rowbury wearing red or pink lipstick as an homage to her Nonnie. Most of the women interviewed wore makeup for the same reason we wear makeup, and we are basically a Professional Feminist. They like it and think it’s a fun way to express themselves. As far as we’re concerned, this should be the end-all and be-all reason to wear makeup. And it’s all good, so long as we also work toward making sure there isn’t a mandate to wear makeup and that women who choose not to are allowed to embrace their own choice.

And what does Donald Trump think of this?

”That’s because women who don’t wear makeup are the worst women. See under my watch, we'll only have the best women who wear the best makeup because that's what winners do. The stupid losers who don't wear makeup are going to be locked up in a camp, and we'll build a wall around it. Because if America is going to keep winning, it only needs the beautiful people. Look at Sweden - they win all the time, and they're represented by nothing but beautiful people. So that's how America wins - we kick the ugly stupid losers out and put only the prettiest in charge! Trump out!"

This is of course Fox News, the network headed by Roger Ailes – if the GOP were in fact the evil empire, he would be Jabba The Hutt. In fact I’m surprised he doesn’t have his own bikini clad Princess Leia tied up somewhere:


The hits just keep on coming for former Fox News head Roger Ailes, with a report that he used Fox funds to run a “Black Room” operation at the company’s headquarters where investigators and public relations staffers investigated and plotted again the executive’s personal enemies.

According to Gabriel Sherman, writing for New York Magazine, an investigation is under way at Fox looking into how Ailes spent millions of dollars to settle sexual harassment lawsuits with virtually no oversight, which might have set off alarms.

That’s enough to make you ask – body shaming:

[font size="8"]Republican Sexists [/font]

We need some appropriate music for this entry. Can we get that please?

Well you know, because this jackass claims that Paul Feig ruined our childhood. Ya know. But Milo Yiannopoulos may be permanently banned from Twitter because of harassment, but that doesn’t shut him up:

Months after he was supposed to give away more than $100,000 for college scholarships, Milo Yiannopoulos says all of the money is still sitting in his bank account.
Yiannopoulos promised in January to create a college scholarship fund for “white men who wish to pursue their post-secondary education” that would be awarded in “early summer 2016.” The fund has raised somewhere between $100,000 and $250,000 to date, Yiannopoulos told The Daily Beast via email.

But the Yiannopoulos Privilege Grant has not filed any paperwork to become a charity in the United States. When asked if an application for tax-exempt status had been sent by his lawyers to the Internal Revenue Service, Yiannopoulos said, “I’ll check.”

While the group vowed that an application page would open on the website by the spring of 2016, it has yet to appear as of this writing. The grant’s website currently states that “applications are not yet open” and “please do not write to us if you are a prospective Grant applicant.”


Now I don’t want you to think the Top 10 is all about negativity! No sir / madam! In fact we try to put a positive spin on things. To be fair, Milo won his own scholarship contest! Bravo well done!

But my favorite episode in this week in *cue reverb* NEW ADVENTURES IN REPUBLICAN SEXISM!!! One of our favorite punching bags here – Rush Limbaugh – thinks Obama is riling up America’s lesbian farmers for a hostile takeover:

Remember back in the day when wingnut hate radio wackaloon Bryan Fischer said he wished Michelle Obama would focus one of her health initiatives on solving the problem of beefy lesbians? Well apparently Michelle’s husband Bamz heard the call, so he invented a secret program to get those ladies moving, specifically on farms! Yes, Rush Limbaugh has revealed an Obama conspiracy, and it focuses on the LGBT Rural Summit, a big gay hootenanny thrown by the Department of Agriculture and the National Center For Lesbian Rights (NCLR), to support LGBT families living in rural areas. Sounds harmless enough, right? That’s because you’re not Rush Limbaugh, hallucinating because the Oxycontin ran out probably and his Dominican houseboy has been playing hard-to-get, allegedly.

Rush explained that this is all part of President Obama’s master plan to magically turn lesbians into farmers, so they can destroy rural, conservative America from the inside out, as they scream Melissa Etheridge songs at the top of their lungs through the aisles of the Home Depot, while they are buying all the things they need for their farms. How does this Free Farms For Lezzies clandestine program work, Rush?

[font size="8"]The Bathroom Police[/font]

Sigh… the bathroom police are back. And this time it’s not a good thing. Originally I was going to take this space to remind everyone of what happened when the DEA went against Obama’s recommendation of loosening federal restrictions on marijuana sales and usage, but as long as we’re going to repeatedly deny a group of people their rights why don’t we talk about what the GOP is doing to trans people once again?

A federal judge on Sunday blocked the Obama administration from enforcing new guidelines that were intended to expand restroom access for transgender students across the country.

Judge Reed O’Connor of the Federal District Court for the Northern District of Texas said in a 38-page ruling, which he said should apply nationwide, that the government had not complied with federal law when it issued “directives which contradict the existing legislative and regulatory text.”

Judge O’Connor, whom President George W. Bush nominated to the federal bench, said that not granting an injunction would put states “in the position of either maintaining their current policies in the face of the federal government’s view that they are violating the law, or changing them to comply with the guidelines and cede their authority over this issue.”

The judge’s order, in a case brought by officials from more than a dozen states, is a victory in the continuing legal battles over the restroom guidelines, which the federal government issued this year. The culture war over the rights of transgender people, and especially their right to use public bathrooms consistent with their gender identities, has emerged as an emotional cause among social conservatives.


And that’s not the only thing the bathroom police have been doing this week. In fact remember when batshit crazy lunatic fringe religious groups like Focus On The Family and the American Family Association promised to boycott Target because of their pro-trans bathroom policy (the opposite of what Jesus would do) ? Well…

Target's $20 million answer to transgender bathroom boycott

Target, facing a boycott over its policy of allowing transgender customers and employees to use the bathroom of their choice, says it will spend $20 million to expand bathroom options at all of its U.S. stores.

Target (TGT) CFO Cathy Smith said Wednesday that the company has heard objections to the transgender bathroom policy from some customers, though she said other customers had voiced support. In response, Target has decided to expand its use of a third, single-toilet bathroom at all of its stores, which can be locked by users.

Hey AFA…

But there’s still more in the war on bathrooms. In fact we go to my home state of California for this one:

A Southern California barbershop has agreed to settle a lawsuit brought against the business by a transgender man who said he was denied service and told "we don't cut women's hair," local media reported on Friday.

Under the settlement filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court, management of Hawleywood's Barber Shop & Shaving Parlor in Long Beach agreed to halt any future discriminatory practices and to pay the plaintiff an undisclosed amount, the Los Angeles Times reported on its website.

How is this still a thing?

Although some good news last week – BYU may not be admitted to the Big 12 because of their anti-LGBT policies:

Several LGBT advocacy groups are urging the Big 12 not to admit BYU as an expansion school, according to a letter obtained by ESPN.com.

The news was first reported by FOX Sports.

In the letter, dated Aug. 8, Athlete Ally, a non-profit organization that raises LGBT awareness in sports, sent a letter to Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby to express its concerns about the Big 12 candidacy of BYU, which is owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.


And remember when I said I would post a real sex crime every time the bathroom police felt the need to harass innocent trans people? Well they did not disappoint in our absence last week:

GOP Stockton Mayor Anthony Silva, who has held official town hall meetings at an anti-gay megachurch and who ceremoniously gave the key to the city to God (who did not attend), has been arrested on multiple charges including secretly recording a male teenager playing a game of strip poker in his bedroom at a summer camp. Sacramento’s NBC affiliate reports:

Silva, 41, was charged with eavesdropping or recording confidential communications, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, providing alcohol to a minor and cruelty to a child by endangering health, according to court records. The incidents for which Silva is being charged happened between Aug. 5 and Aug. 9, 2015, at the Stockton Silver Lake Camp, according to the Amador County District Attorney.

The arrest stems from a September 2015 FBI investigation where Silva’s cell phone was seized by Homeland Security investigators at San Francisco International Airport as he got off a flight from China. One of the clips on Silva’s phone contained audio of several people during a strip poker game in Silva’s bedroom at the camp, the Amador County district attorney said. One of the participants was 16 years old.

Silva was arrested today at the camp where the 2015 incidents allegedly occurred. But wait there’s more: http://www.joemygod.com/2016/08/04/california-gop-mayor-arrested-recording-teens-playing-strip-poker-bedroom-video/

And this is the Mayor of Stockton!!!!

[font size="8"]Stephen Anderson[/font]

Controversial hate church pastor Stephen Anderson is no stranger to controversy or idiocy. In fact he’s one of the original idiots that inspired the Top 10 revival. You might remember after all the shootings that took place last year that he wanted to ban rock concerts. But now, my friends, the tables have turned! Now he might actually get banned from South Africa because of his violent hate speech! Let’s explore:

Durban - The Ministry of Home Affairs appears to be dragging its heels on a decision on whether to ban anti-gay US pastor Steven Anderson from entering the country next month.

The ministry was placed on terms to make a decision on the matter last month by the South African Human Rights Commission, which sent a letter to Minister Malusi Gigaba and director general Mkuseli Apleni.

Let’s stop there. Who is complaining about Anderson? Well it’s the LGBT community of course.

The commission, which had received complaints about the visit from outraged lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) communities, asked the ministry to make a decision based on legislation that allows a person to be banned for being “undesirable”.

The commission received no reply to its first letter and a second was sent on August 2.

On social media, people have commented that the ministry’s handling of the Anderson complaint appears to be in contrast with the way the government dealt with several visa applications by the Dalai Lama.

While the SA government has denied that it refused the Dalai Lama’s visa applications, it has been reported that the religious leader’s trips to SA in 2009, 2012 and 2014 were cancelled after his visa application was not processed or delayed for so long that he would not have obtained a visa in time.

Anderson, who is scheduled to preach in Johannesburg on September 18 according to his church’s website, is widely known for his anti-gay sentiments on social media.

Here’s some of his greatest hits in case you’re unaware:


Although even he hates whackjob conspiracy theorist Alex Jones:

But what else has the hate church pastor been up to? Well I love this story. Apparently he’s so afraid of “the gheys” that he will stoop to challenging an arm wrestling competition to prove his manliness. Any female or gay body builders or strong arm competitors out there want to take him up on the challenge? I’ll gladly start a Go Fund Me for your plane ticket out there!

Pastor Stephen Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Ariz., said in a sermon last week that he gets an email on his phone every day calling him “misogynistic.”

“What a stupid word.” he says. “This is like a new word.”

Why are people calling Pastor Anderson this “stupid” word? It might have something to do with his habit of demanding women arm wrestle him to prove their superiority.

[font size="8"]Ryan Lochte[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, LGBT and gender non conformers, let’s get in the Top 10 Mystery Machine! Come on let’s go!

That said we need some appropriate music for this. Hit it Steve!

And how great was Katy Perry’s theme song Rise? That makes me want to go out and do some international diplomacy.

That sounds like a James Bond theme doesn’t it?

Go away Trump. So the Olympics is a thing that is happening in Rio De Janeiro this week and next week, and we got to talk about this Ryan Lochte situation. This has been almost as all over the news as Donald Trump has. So this is the news as it originally broke and as we go down the wormhole it’s going to get scarier and scarier. Kind of like walking outside the Olympic village if you’re visiting Rio.

U.S. Olympic swimmers Ryan Lochte, Gunnar Bentz, Jack Conger and Jimmy Feigen were robbed at gunpoint while in Rio de Janeiro overnight Saturday, NBC News has confirmed.

Following conflicting reports — including the IOC denying any incident took place — Lochte himself confirmed with TODAY's Billy Bush that he and the other swimmers were robbed at gunpoint.

"We got pulled over, in the taxi, and these guys came out with a badge, a police badge, no lights, no nothing just a police badge and they pulled us over," Lochte said. "They pulled out their guns, they told the other swimmers to get down on the ground — they got down on the ground. I refused, I was like we didn't do anything wrong, so — I'm not getting down on the ground.

Now you might be thinking who in their right fucking mind would rob a gold medal winner at gun point? Well to answer you good sir / madam, we are going to need some appropriate music for this:

*Turns on Casey Kasem impression* It turns out, good sir / madam that Ryan Lochte wasn’t robbed at gun point at all. If you look at what has come out of this, it gets weirder and weirder. Let’s continue:

Ryan Lochte and three other U.S. Olympic swimmers lied about being robbed at gunpoint in Brazil over the weekend, according to a report.

Citing Brazilian authorities and sources in Brazil, Matt Gutman of ABC News said Thursday that Lochte and his teammates “fabricated” the robbery story after fighting with a security guard at a gas station.

Whoa! Let’s stop there for a minute. Let’s go to the next story shall we?

“I think they’re all shaken up. There were a few of them,” Ileana Lochte told Rachel Axon of USA Today Sports. “No, they were just, they just took their wallets and basically that was it.”

Lochte’s mother said Ryan called her immediately after the incident and said it was “terrifying.” The six-time gold medalist told Ileana that he was in a cab heading to a party he had been invited to by Brazilian swimmer Thiago Pereira when the cab stopped for gas. Lochte said he and the people he was with were confronted by people who were holding guns and knives. They took the swimmer’s wallet, but he was not harm

That’s right! He was terrified and shaken up! So why are we not sad? Well………

Gutman’s report Thursday morning appeared to contradict Lochte’s account of the alleged robbery.

Later Thursday, the gas station owner told Brazil’s O Globo news the U.S. quartet urinated on his Shell franchise’s walls in Rio’s Barra da Tijuca neighborhood at the time in question. Meanwhile, the British Daily Mail reported a security guard drew a gun at the swimmers after they drunkenly “destroyed a gas station toilet and refused to pay for the damage.” The swimmers then reportedly paid.

The video footage released by O Globo shows the four U.S. swimmers retreating into an alley on the property before returning to their taxi. At that point, someone approaches the vehicle, the swimmers get out, and they’re led to a landing outside the gas station, where they sit with their arms raised.

That’s right! Ryan Lochte and his friend busted up a gas station and were being pulled over by the police who just happens to be brandishing their guns!

But we’re still not done! The Brazillian government wants Ryan Lochte’s passport but he was too busy, oh, I don’t know fleeing the country!

RIO DE JANEIRO — Rio police said four U.S. swimmers lied about being held up at gunpoint Sunday morning.

“No robbery was committed against these athletes. They were not victims of the crimes they claimed,” Fernando Veloso, chief of civil police, said during a news conference Thursday afternoon.

Police said the swimmers were confronted by security guards carrying guns after leaving a party at the French hospitality house. The latest developments in the case led to more questions and confusion about the swimmers' account of what happened when they said they were robbed at gunpoint.

And he’s apparently everything that foreigners hate about Americans:

Turns out that Hope Solo didn’t clinch the title of “Worst Person at the Olympics” after all. She only insulted her competition and former coach, moments after a heartbreaking loss.

What Lochte did is far worse. He fabricated a story to cover his own butt, and in doing so played on all the fears and stereotypes his Brazilian hosts have been trying to allay. He caused panic among the visitors. He caused an international incident.

Lochte, 34, is a four-time Olympian. What motivated him to make up such a story is beyond my - and probably your - imagination. Was he just scared of Mommy? The story started with his mother telling reporters that Lochte had told her he had been robbed.


And of course the internet being the internet turned Lochte’s douchebaggery into comedy:

Ryan Lochte bolted from Rio de Janeiro, leaving three U.S. Olympic swim teammates to explain to Brazilian authorities just what happened in an incident, now being debunked by authorities, in which Lochte claimed they were robbed at gunpoint.

It’s like Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve at 12:05 for the Internet.

My favorite one is this one:


But why Mr. Lotche, why? And he would have got away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Kanye West Writes A Poem About McDonalds[/font]

You know we've got a bonus for you for putting up with all this madness. So Kanye West, America's foremost expert on the auto tune, opened a pop up shop for his self-proclaimed album of the year "The Life Of Pablo" which you can buy for $20 there. Which The Verge took the liberty of illustrating:

Frank Ocean finally dropped his much-anticipated album Blonde this weekend, along with a limited companion zine called Boys Don't Cry that came with some physical copies of the album. The zine features artwork from collaborators, personal essays and interviews, and a poem about McDonald's by none other than Kanye West.

Accompanying the poem are artsy shots of Kanye picking up McDonald's drive-thru in a very expensive-looking car, which, like, same. As a fellow McDonald's lover, I felt moved by Kanye's poem. So moved, in fact, that I decided to illustrate the story. You can read it as a bedtime story to your children or to yourself, if you need to be reminded of the dangerous temptation of McDonald's fries.


And here's a video of a guy actually reading it in a McDonalds:

See you next week and hopefully in our regularly scheduled time slot!

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