General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Okay, no spanking. I get that but what's this dad suppose to do? [View all]winter is coming
(11,785 posts)the kid is focused on "mad". You can't reason with "mad". Sometimes, you can startle them out of the "mad" (as in posts upthread mentioning the screaming "contest" . We remove our child from the scene for a time-out and say, "When you can be calm, we'll talk. We can't talk while you're screaming/shouting/blaming me for something I haven't done" and to time-out she goes... usually in the hallway because it's the most boring place in the house. If she won't stay there, we physically take her back to it. Repeatedly, if necessary, and Time Out starts over.
Privileges get taken away afterwards, as a consequence of the behavior, e.g., no TV tonight. Just because the bad behavior isn't happening now that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I've reminded my daughter that feeling angry and acting angry are two different things, and that when she lets her mad get control of her, it can take her places she doesn't want to go.
If the child goes back to their central complaint, in this case, "I wanted to eat at the coffee table and someone else is using it," acknowledge that yes, that's the way things usually work in your house, but tonight is different... what could she have done instead? Picnic on a beach towel on the floor?