Guardian UK - Robin Williams's Death: A Reminder that Suicide and Depression Are Not Selfish

[laundry_queen]

16. I think it depends on the person and situation

I was told I was suffering from post-partum depression after my second child and went on anti-depressants. I stayed on them for the next 8 years, only going off twice (when I was pregnant with #3 and 4). I found they made me somewhat zombie-like. I didn't break down and cry anymore (at one point, I went without crying a single tear for 2.5 years. No crying at all, which was not like me at ALL, even as a kid I cried all of the time, especially when I was angry) and the happy moments were 'meh'.

Eventually, I went off of them against the advice of my doctor and wow. I realized that my husband was emotionally abusive. I had been putting up with it because it didn't bother me while I was on the meds. I found out he was cheating and didn't want to work on the marriage so I left. It was during that time I was dealing with withdrawals of the meds too - not a fun time. My psychiatrist gave me a tranquilizer to put under my tongue to get me over my panic attacks. I only used it once - just knowing it was there helped. After a few months I realized - I was NEVER depressed. Not clinically. I did have some post-partum anxiety that could've used some cognitive behavioral therapy, but almost every issue I had, even the anxiety, stemmed from the fact that my husband was emotionally abusive, not supportive and manipulative (he's a sociopath for sure). It's like my subconscious knew and triggered the anxiety, but the medication made me just accept and deal with the abuse. I had no ambition to improve the situation until I went off the medication. I feel like anti-depressants really fucked up my life and made me WASTE 8 years with an asshole (at least I got 2 more beautiful kids out of it).

However, I do know many people who have benefitted from the meds. I know many women especially that needed them temporarily so they could DEAL with life while they went through post-partum depression or divorce. The meds can be helpful. The biggest problem is that GPs are allowed to dish them out. It should be illegal to allow someone those drugs without getting therapy first or with them. In my case, a good therapist could have helped me to see the situation I was in. Instead, the meds masked it. I never should've been on them in the first place.