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TorchTheWitch

(11,065 posts)
55. because this is exactly how women are conditioned in this society
Mon Apr 9, 2012, 11:25 AM
Apr 2012

That's why she's doubting herself. If it ever happens to you, you will also likely doubt yourself and wonder what it was that YOU did wrong for such a thing to happen. Is it any wonder that women have these feelings when all their lives society has conditioned women to not dress a certain way or act a certain way or be in a certain area or place at a certain time or whatever because they may get raped when all of that puts the blame on the VICTIMS of a disgusting CRIME for what happened to them? Why is it that society tells women THEY need to do this, that or the other or not to do this, that or the other in order to not be a victim of a disgusting crime instead of telling MEN not to assume that because they've had sex with someone before forever after if they come into contact with them they have a right to their body, that if a women does not or cannot give consent they don't have any rights to their body, that just because there's a "vagina with a life support system" in the room they don't get any rights to it without EXPLICIT consent?

Right here in this thread there is victim blaming going on... you shouldn't have gotten drunk, you shouldn't have fallen asleep, you shouldn't have stayed the night, you shouldn't have trusted your FRIEND not to rape you. In other words even right here on DU where we're supposed to be enlightened and intelligent there is STILL that same societal garbage that women are nothing more than a life support system for a vagina that's fair game for any man that wants to use it for their own gratification as long as there's any situation where the VICTIM wasn't sufficiently protecting herself and viewing every man she comes into contact with as a potential rapist under all circumstances.

The dude is a rapist pig and guaranteed he's done this before and truly believes he's ENTITLED to any vagina that he comes into contact with, and it's every WOMAN'S responsibility to stop him. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing. No man tries to put his dick into an unconscious woman because he believes she wants to have sex with him. The very idea is ludicrous. He does it PRECISELY because HE wants to have sex and already KNOWS that if she was conscious and sober if he initiated sex she'd stop him and he either wouldn't get it or he'd have to cross the line into physical force in order to get it. Society has taught BOTH men and women that sex is only rape when physical force is used. Society has also taught men that sex is strictly for their OWN sexual gratification to the point where they think it's NORMAL and APPROPRIATE to even WANT to have sex with someone that is unresponsive. WHY on earth is it that any man would even want to have sex with someone that was INCAPABLE of being physically involved other than just being physically THERE. I will never understand that, but that's exactly what society has taught men - woman are vaginas with a life support system, and sex is just as gratifying when the victim is just lying there uninvolved and not even knowing what's happening as otherwise.

Is it any wonder that women become doubtful and wonder what it is that THEY did that caused them to be raped and not report the crime and that the legal system and the juries in the box (if it even GETS that far) have ALL been conditioned by society that it's somehow got to be the woman's fault or she had to be at least partially at fault just because she has a vagina and was in the presence of a man?


Sexual assault. You said that sex was off the table that night... NYC_SKP Apr 2012 #1
Yep I was going to say... Taverner Apr 2012 #65
Totally agree. UnrepentantLiberal Apr 2012 #101
He totally crossed the line. In fact he sprinted past it. Drunk and asleep means no consent could be peacebird Apr 2012 #2
The line is way way way in the distance. Your ex friend is an asshole. Warren Stupidity Apr 2012 #3
call the cops warrior1 Apr 2012 #4
he knew what he was doing. and he figured he would get what he wanted seabeyond Apr 2012 #5
Ditto. He knew exactly what he was doing. Don't fall for his "explanations." Honeycombe8 Apr 2012 #36
Report it.... eek MD Apr 2012 #6
You were raped. richmwill Apr 2012 #7
The guy's a jerk and you'd likely have a case but... Gman Apr 2012 #8
This is a rather flippant response... eek MD Apr 2012 #13
Well said, eek MD. nt Chorophyll Apr 2012 #38
Unfortunately the world isn't full of entirely good people. mythology Apr 2012 #42
this wasnt a frat house of strangers, but a friends house. seabeyond Apr 2012 #77
My answer is no more flippant than telling someone not to go walk around in a high crime area Gman Apr 2012 #85
BS..... eek MD Apr 2012 #86
So, basically you're saying is "don't get drunk around men, because it's not their ScreamingMeemie Apr 2012 #104
He raped you. You were not capable of consenting. Nye Bevan Apr 2012 #9
You trusted someone you believed was a friend varelse Apr 2012 #10
Exactly. nt. polly7 Apr 2012 #34
This message was self-deleted by its author slampoet Apr 2012 #11
There are several posters here that think what he did was A-OK! Odin2005 Apr 2012 #12
What are you talking about? Warren Stupidity Apr 2012 #19
another thread, another time. the woman didnt say no. drunk passed out seabeyond Apr 2012 #22
Now I have no clue what you are talking about either, other than it has nothing to Warren Stupidity Apr 2012 #25
yes, it sounded like this thread. "here" i think, referred to du. i get you dont seabeyond Apr 2012 #30
I am trying to find the legal term for "unable to provide consent" Taverner Apr 2012 #68
There was a thread way back about a movie scene with this same situation. Odin2005 Apr 2012 #40
Oh so "here" doesn't mean this thread and "posters" doesn't mean anyone posting in this thread. Warren Stupidity Apr 2012 #44
Some people can never let go JNelson6563 Apr 2012 #96
Really? Which ones? Taverner Apr 2012 #66
If you are not conscious, LadyHawkAZ Apr 2012 #14
It seems to be okay to rape someone if you're drunk and the female is drunk... liberalmuse Apr 2012 #15
but bigapple Apr 2012 #16
Are you implying that there's never anyone who initiates sex? eek MD Apr 2012 #18
This message was self-deleted by its author moriah Apr 2012 #20
in your case bigapple Apr 2012 #21
When in doubt.... eek MD Apr 2012 #26
one was awake, one was not. a huge ass duh.... nt seabeyond Apr 2012 #23
I'd say WAY past "sexual assault" into "rape" saras Apr 2012 #17
You said no before the night even got underway. Chorophyll Apr 2012 #24
I'll tell you what, moriah alcibiades_mystery Apr 2012 #27
You're absolutely not an idiot and you didn't do anything wrong. He's a rapist, petronius Apr 2012 #28
You did tell him at the very beginning SheilaT Apr 2012 #29
You were not an idiot, you drew the line early on perfectly clear when you stated no sexual contact. polly7 Apr 2012 #31
You're in Arkansas? panader0 Apr 2012 #32
This message was self-deleted by its author moriah Apr 2012 #37
For me, it's easy. I would never have sex with an unconscious woman MineralMan Apr 2012 #33
Just a bit of info, MM. For those of us not doing a "view all" the only thing I saw was... madinmaryland Apr 2012 #35
Well, that should get people to read the whole thing, MineralMan Apr 2012 #50
you're allowed to get as drunk as you want. That doesn't mean rape is allowed. provis99 Apr 2012 #39
Exactly Taverner Apr 2012 #73
he crossed the line, but you put yourself in danger bart95 Apr 2012 #41
You're basically telling Moriah not to bother to take action. Chorophyll Apr 2012 #51
no i'm not, i'm telling her to brace herself if she does bart95 Apr 2012 #54
and i aplogise if my tone was a little cold, there was a lot of material there to get through bart95 Apr 2012 #56
Are you talking to me, or to Moriah? Chorophyll Apr 2012 #61
'The responsibility needs to be on the men.' bart95 Apr 2012 #62
This message was self-deleted by its author moriah Apr 2012 #70
consider a restraining/no-contact order bart95 Apr 2012 #72
I second the vote for restraining order Taverner Apr 2012 #75
You should at the very least tell him you're thinking UnrepentantLiberal Apr 2012 #102
"She was asking for it!!" Taverner Apr 2012 #74
You are a bad person. sudopod Apr 2012 #88
He definitely crossed the line. nt ZombieHorde Apr 2012 #43
This was rape, no doubt about it justiceischeap Apr 2012 #45
Why is it difficult to get it that having sex with an unconscious person is non consensual lunatica Apr 2012 #46
because this is exactly how women are conditioned in this society TorchTheWitch Apr 2012 #55
I wish I could K&R your post TW! Texasgal Apr 2012 #64
+1.... nt seabeyond Apr 2012 #78
As soon as he admitted he did not have your consent. There is your line. nt Snake Alchemist Apr 2012 #47
If you did not wake up---he would have continued.... trumad Apr 2012 #48
+1,000,000,000,000,000,000 Odin2005 Apr 2012 #49
Yep Taverner Apr 2012 #67
"Too drunk" is not relevant to the discussion. lapislzi Apr 2012 #52
you and me both TorchTheWitch Apr 2012 #59
I spent years torturing myself lapislzi Apr 2012 #63
Exactly. None of this is her fault. Taverner Apr 2012 #71
Ewww.... bighughdiehl Apr 2012 #53
Jesus Christ. BlueIris Apr 2012 #57
So terrible sorry this happened to you. jp11 Apr 2012 #58
a 100% guaranteed way not to cross the line is by... LanternWaste Apr 2012 #60
Let me add you were not an idiot for getting that intoxicated Taverner Apr 2012 #69
When you start it off with "sex is off the table"..... MrSlayer Apr 2012 #76
I read all the responses and your response below, also adigal Apr 2012 #79
This message was self-deleted by its author moriah Apr 2012 #80
Oh, sorry, but as an ex-drinker, I know lots about blackouts adigal Apr 2012 #81
Agreed. Blackouts are scary. lapislzi Apr 2012 #99
oh baloney! TorchTheWitch Apr 2012 #82
I was just going by what the OP said adigal Apr 2012 #83
This message was self-deleted by its author moriah Apr 2012 #87
Please don't misunderstand me...your drinking in no way gave him permission to rape you adigal Apr 2012 #92
<--- Is a pillow thief Aerows Apr 2012 #97
This message was self-deleted by its author aikoaiko Apr 2012 #90
Date rape is not a lesser degree of rape lapislzi Apr 2012 #94
WAY over the line Locrian Apr 2012 #84
Your case is nowhere near the line and your "friend" is a serious rapist. JVS Apr 2012 #89
This situation was nowhere close to the 'line'. Chemisse Apr 2012 #91
Don't trust him again. Ever. gkhouston Apr 2012 #93
That's sexual assault Aerows Apr 2012 #95
The line is where you want it to be. You have a legal case against him. redgreenandblue Apr 2012 #98
I know you're asking an intellectual discussion question here, but on a personal level... aikoaiko Apr 2012 #100
He is calling and texting because you caught him in a criminal act and you could file charges. Xedniw Apr 2012 #103
This message was self-deleted by its author moriah Apr 2012 #105
I would define that as sexual assault. Totally unacceptable what that guy did. DutchLiberal Apr 2012 #106
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