Even though I've been obese, I'm not sure what counts as "fat shaming"...

[laundry_queen]

27. I'm not sure how to say this, exactly...

but your whole 'on the other hand' is exactly the problem being discussed. It assumes that if only we can get fat people to be honest with themselves, and admit they eat too much, the problem would be lessened. It assumes most fat people are simply in denial. I find that a bit patronizing.

And even if people are in denial, it's none of your business. It seems to really bother you. Why do you care if people claim metabolism or genetics as a reason why they are heavy? You say that you don't say anything to them, but if you are thinking these things, at some point your treatment of fat people who don't act how you think they should act must come out. And you project your own experience onto everyone else. You made rationalizations, so everyone else MUST. You were able to lose weight and thought, "gee, I was fooling myself when I was fat" and you think that must be how it is for everyone and if only they would recognize their thought patterns, they could get thin too. It just seems you are having problems empathizing with people who don't have your particular experience.

Recently, I'm not sure if it was a link from here or what, I read an article about fat shaming. One thing that stood out for me was how people often classify fat people into "good" or "bad" fat people. "Good" fat people were those who were seen as doing EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to lose weight. They exercise and eat right as much as they can. "Good" fat people are more acceptable in society because they are seen as "at least they are trying". "Bad" fat people are contemptible in society. "Bad" fat people don't exercise as much as you think they should, and they eat more junk food than you think they should. "Bad" fat people somehow 'deserve' your contempt because THEY aren't trying. They don't want to help themselves so they deserve scorn. "Bad" fat people must be denigrated because society should never allow them to be happy with themselves because then people might start thinking being fat is okay, and we CANNOT have that.

I've heard my parents slot fat people into both categories. "Oh, bless sweet Mary, she's been really trying to lose weight. It's too bad all fat people don't try as hard as she does." "Oh, that Diane, she can't keep up in our aerobics class but at least she's trying!" But then if they see a fat person's cart in the grocery store, "Oh my god, did you see what he had in his cart? No wonder he's fat! That's just disgusting. How can someone not even bother trying? Sick."

So, the justifications you think other people are making for themselves could just be an attempt (possibly even subconsciously) to slot themselves into the 'good' fat person category so they can lessen the prejudice they feel from judgmental people. It's quite possible they aren't fooling themselves at all, they are just attempting to protect themselves from unwanted comments.

Also, many people fail to take other reasons for excess pounds into consideration. Psychological reasons. Extra pounds are often a shield against some kind of trauma or abuse. Essentially, shaming those people or trying to 'educate' them isn't going to work. They need intense therapy. Shaming likely makes many people worse because of these issues. It's also why making judgments is never a good idea- because they are often not right.