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The Magistrate

(96,043 posts)
75. I Appreciate Your Kind Words Very Much, My Friends
Thu Jul 10, 2014, 05:43 PM
Jul 2014

Thank you.

Here is a bit from Mr. H. H. Munro, an especial favorite of mine....


CLOVIS ON PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES

MARION EGGELBY sat talking to Clovis on the only subject that she ever willingly talked about – her offspring and their varied perfections and accomplishments. Clovis was not in what could be called a receptive mood; the younger generation of Eggelby, depicted in the glowing improbable colours of parent impressionism, aroused in him no enthusiasm. Mrs. Eggelby, on the other hand, was furnished with enthusiasm enough for two.

“You would like Eric,” she said, argumentatively rather than hopefully. Clovis had intimated very unmistakably that he was unlikely to care extravagantly for either Amy or Willie. “Yes, I feel sure you would like Eric. Every one takes to him at once. You know, he always reminds me of that famous picture of the youthful David – I forget who it’s by, but it’s very well known.”

“That would be sufficient to set me against him, if I saw much of him,” said Clovis. “Just imagine at auction bridge, for instance, when one was trying to concentrate one’s mind on what one’s partner’s original declaration had been, and to remember what suits one’s opponents had originally discarded, what it would be like to have some one persistently reminding one of a picture of the youthful David. It would be simply maddening. If Eric did that I should detest him.”

“Eric doesn’t play bridge,” said Mrs. Eggelby with dignity.

“Doesn’t he?” asked Clovis; “why not?”

“None of my children have been brought up to play card games,” said Mrs. Eggelby; “draughts and halma and those sorts of games I encourage. Eric is considered quite a wonderful draughts-player.”

“You are strewing dreadful risks in the path of your family,” said Clovis; “a friend of mine who is a prison chaplain told me that among the worst criminal cases that have come under his notice, men condemned to death or to long periods of penal servitude, there was not a single bridge-player. On the other hand, he knew at least two expert draughts-players among them.”

“I really don’t see what my boys have got to do with the criminal classes,” said Mrs. Eggelby resentfully. “They have been most carefully brought up, I can assure you that.”

“That shows that you were nervous as to how they would turn out,” said Clovis. “Now, my mother never bothered about bringing me up. She just saw to it that I got whacked at decent intervals and was taught the difference between right and wrong; there is some difference, you know, but I’ve forgotten what it is.”

“Forgotten the difference between right and wrong!” exclaimed Mrs. Eggelby.

“Well, you see, I took up natural history and a whole lot of other subjects at the same time, and one can’t remember everything, can one? I used to know the difference between the Sardinian dormouse and the ordinary kind, and whether the wry-neck arrives at our shores earlier than the cuckoo, or the other way round, and how long the walrus takes in growing to maturity; I daresay you knew all those sorts of things once, but I bet you’ve forgotten them.”

“Those things are not important,” said Mrs. Eggelby, “but – ”

“The fact that we’ve both forgotten them proves that they are important,” said Clovis; “you must have noticed that it’s always the important things that one forgets, while the trivial, unnecessary facts of life stick in one’s memory. There’s my cousin, Editha Clubberley, for instance; I can never forget that her birthday is on the 12th of October. It’s a matter of utter indifference to me on what date her birthday falls, or whether she was born at all; either fact seems to me absolutely trivial, or unnecessary – I’ve heaps of other cousins to go on with. On the other hand, when I’m staying with Hildegarde Shrubley I can never remember the important circumstance whether her first husband got his unenviable reputation on the Turf or the Stock Exchange, and that uncertainty rules Sport and Finance out of the conversation at once. One can never mention travel, either, because her second husband had to live permanently abroad.”

“Mrs. Shrubley and I move in very different circles,” said Mrs. Eggelby stiffly.

“No one who knows Hildegarde could possibly accuse her of moving in a circle,” said Clovis; “her view of life seems to be a non-stop run with an inexhaustible supply of petrol. If she can get some one else to pay for the petrol so much the better. I don’t mind confessing to you that she has taught me more than any other woman I can think of.”

“What kind of knowledge?” demanded Mrs. Eggelby, with the air a jury might collectively wear when finding a verdict without leaving the box.

“Well, among other things, she’s introduced me to at least four different ways of cooking lobster,” said Clovis gratefully. “That, of course, wouldn’t appeal to you; people who abstain from the pleasures of the card- table never really appreciate the finer possibilities of the dining-table. I suppose their powers of enlightened enjoyment get atrophied from disuse.”

“An aunt of mine was very ill after eating a lobster,” said Mrs. Eggelby.

“I daresay, if we knew more of her history, we should find out that she’d often been ill before eating the lobster. Aren’t you concealing the fact that she’d had measles and influenza and nervous headache and hysteria, and other things that aunts do have, long before she ate the lobster? Aunts that have never known a day’s illness are very rare; in fact, I don’t personally know of any. Of course if she ate it as a child of two weeks old it might have been her first illness – and her last. But if that was the case I think you should have said so.”

“I must be going,” said Mrs. Eggelby, in a tone which had been thoroughly sterilised of even perfunctory regret.

Clovis rose with an air of graceful reluctance.

“I have so enjoyed our little talk about Eric,” he said; “I quite look forward to meeting him some day.”

“Good-bye,” said Mrs. Eggelby frostily; the supplementary remark which she made at the back of her throat was -

“I’ll take care that you never shall!”

A tip of the hat to DU's The Magistrate. [View all] Tommy_Carcetti Jul 2014 OP
Absolutely right! CaliforniaPeggy Jul 2014 #1
Very polite to boot madokie Jul 2014 #2
Thug tactics against people who post Salon.com, Counterpunch, The Nation, DN!, BBC articles cprise Jul 2014 #56
This message was self-deleted by its author Ken Burch Jul 2014 #58
I Do Not Know Where Some Get That Idea, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #69
I stand corrected. Ken Burch Jul 2014 #77
No Trouble, My Friend The Magistrate Jul 2014 #79
I always love reading your posts and have only one small complaint Samantha Jul 2014 #131
The audacity of having to read George Orwell! Tommy_Carcetti Jul 2014 #81
Lol! Thanks for reminding me. nt littlemissmartypants Jul 2014 #82
A Link For You, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #84
And having 10 screenfuls of it repeated at the start of every thread. cprise Jul 2014 #90
That is The Best You Can Find, Sir? The Magistrate Jul 2014 #91
Yet Obama didn't vote for IWR and was elected President cprise Jul 2014 #92
The Illinois Legislature, Sir, Had No Say In The Matter The Magistrate Jul 2014 #94
and he attacked Hillary Clinton in 2008 for supporting it. cprise Jul 2014 #96
Indeed He Did, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #97
That's nice, but this is war we're talking about cprise Jul 2014 #99
Are We, Sir? It Seemed To Me You Were Complaining About Impurity.... The Magistrate Jul 2014 #100
Drawing the line at warmongering is not a purity test. Sorry. cprise Jul 2014 #103
Now, Sir, You re Just Making Things Up, If You Are Seriously Calling Me A War-Monger The Magistrate Jul 2014 #105
So we should base political decisions on fascist principles? cprise Jul 2014 #111
Only, Sir, If You Believe Political Reality Has An Inherent Fascist Bias.... The Magistrate Jul 2014 #113
It does only if politicos give up on the public's acceptance of facts. cprise Jul 2014 #116
I Appreciate Your Kicking The Thread, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #118
I'm getting the idea xfundy Jul 2014 #142
Yet more irony. cprise Jul 2014 #147
... Gidney N Cloyd Jul 2014 #109
Not a bad quote -- from an old gun-toter. Eleanors38 Jul 2014 #159
Bush was invading without AUMF. joshcryer Jul 2014 #162
There is a difference between impolite and polite ... Igel Jul 2014 #86
This message was self-deleted by its author KoKo Jul 2014 #133
Polite to a fault--but with an incisive intelligence and a sharp bite! pinboy3niner Jul 2014 #3
Yes, and absolutely devastating when it comes to puncturing gasbags Warpy Jul 2014 #4
Indubitably. snagglepuss Jul 2014 #5
Hear Hear~Bravo Sir! sheshe2 Jul 2014 #6
Agreed... ChisolmTrailDem Jul 2014 #7
He's also one of the more skilled model builders I've ever sen... Blue_Tires Jul 2014 #8
does he do the ships in the bottles? Tuesday Afternoon Jul 2014 #18
I think so... Blue_Tires Jul 2014 #24
OK, Maybe that was someone else ... I remember now a picture thread Tuesday Afternoon Jul 2014 #41
Ah, but he refuses to build Roald Dahl's Gloster Gladiator Brother Buzz Jul 2014 #23
Thank You, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #66
good to see you my friend. we should get together. mopinko Jul 2014 #151
Another 'Meet Up' Gathering Here Might Be Nice, Ma'am The Magistrate Jul 2014 #153
i did my first taxidermy project mopinko Jul 2014 #166
hear, hear! bigtree Jul 2014 #9
Indubitable, sir. immoderate Jul 2014 #10
Glad to join in with my tip of the hat. CTyankee Jul 2014 #11
One of DU's best Cali_Democrat Jul 2014 #12
Yes, one of DU's greatest. Coventina Jul 2014 #13
Totally agree! MoonRiver Jul 2014 #14
I agree. H2O Man Jul 2014 #15
Always a delight when they contribute to a thread! n2doc Jul 2014 #16
I have a great deal of respect for The Magistate lunatica Jul 2014 #17
Allow me to add my appreciation also as I too enjoy your posts. n/t justhanginon Jul 2014 #19
I find his wit refreshing and his commentary incisive.... Rowdyboy Jul 2014 #20
He is One of a Kind, The Magistrate. Tuesday Afternoon Jul 2014 #21
I'll gladly rec this kcr Jul 2014 #22
Indeed. eom littlemissmartypants Jul 2014 #25
You are right, sir! bravenak Jul 2014 #26
Indeed! riqster Jul 2014 #27
OH Absolutely Positively Unquestionably, sir! calimary Jul 2014 #28
I'll drink to The Magistrate! greatauntoftriplets Jul 2014 #29
Haven't had the pleasure, Benton D Struckcheon Jul 2014 #44
I Remember, Ma'am The Magistrate Jul 2014 #70
It was warm out! greatauntoftriplets Jul 2014 #72
No Fool Like An Old Fool: Put This In The Wrong Place The Magistrate Jul 2014 #74
Most definitely - credit where it's due! Glorfindel Jul 2014 #30
Good idea. I like that guy! Squinch Jul 2014 #31
Totally agree! Spazito Jul 2014 #32
I usually stay off tribute threads Tom Rinaldo Jul 2014 #33
Thank You, Mr. Rinaldo The Magistrate Jul 2014 #119
Totally agree Sir. Lochloosa Jul 2014 #34
An appreciation thread I can happily endorse... SidDithers Jul 2014 #35
Hear, hear! With a Pimm's Cup to toast. DinahMoeHum Jul 2014 #36
I'll rec that! Bobbie Jo Jul 2014 #37
I agree Sir! tenderfoot Jul 2014 #38
A BIG K&R! William769 Jul 2014 #39
Agreed... K & R !!! WillyT Jul 2014 #40
K&R sir N_E_1 for Tennis Jul 2014 #42
Uh-oh. What has he done? leftstreet Jul 2014 #43
I Remember a Thread the Magistrate Started on Kosovo On the Road Jul 2014 #45
Happy To have That Remembered, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #67
K & R SunSeeker Jul 2014 #46
SIR! I most wholeheartedly concur, SIR! rocktivity Jul 2014 #47
What? The Magistrate is dead? When did this happen? randome Jul 2014 #48
He has been so since 2001 Jack Rabbit Jul 2014 #49
Must Appreciated, My Old Friend The Magistrate Jul 2014 #68
!! Jack Rabbit Jul 2014 #98
WWTMP? MohRokTah Jul 2014 #50
*tips my hat also* steve2470 Jul 2014 #51
A gentleman and a scholar who has proven that one can debate in a civilized manner. LongTomH Jul 2014 #52
K & R sinkingfeeling Jul 2014 #53
Intelligent, knowledgeable, and gracious Skidmore Jul 2014 #54
I'll add a formal bow to The Magistrate, Sir. One of my favorite DUers. Hekate Jul 2014 #55
Thank You, Mr. Carcetti The Magistrate Jul 2014 #57
The pleasure is all mine. Tommy_Carcetti Jul 2014 #59
I'll second that. NuclearDem Jul 2014 #60
And That, Sir Or Ma'am, Is A Fact. TheCowsCameHome Jul 2014 #61
Love The Magistrate! hrmjustin Jul 2014 #62
he's one of the good eggs PeaceNikki Jul 2014 #63
He is a great DUer. nt sufrommich Jul 2014 #64
Highest respect for The Magistrate! nt cry baby Jul 2014 #65
Proud to be the 101st Rec! freshwest Jul 2014 #71
K&R mcar Jul 2014 #73
I Appreciate Your Kind Words Very Much, My Friends The Magistrate Jul 2014 #75
More Meta Wanking Bluenorthwest Jul 2014 #76
True, never broken character once. Rex Jul 2014 #78
Yes Sir!! malaise Jul 2014 #80
K&R for The Magistrate! Sissyk Jul 2014 #83
I'd like to hijack this for just one post 90-percent Jul 2014 #85
Be My Guest, Sir: I Think He Is An Excellent Fellow The Magistrate Jul 2014 #88
you read my mind. nt navarth Jul 2014 #120
A gentleman of the old school, and one of the few here whose posts I always read. ColesCountyDem Jul 2014 #87
Yes indeed Still Sensible Jul 2014 #89
x1000 mac56 Jul 2014 #93
I dig him blogslut Jul 2014 #95
I heartily agree, sir. KurtNYC Jul 2014 #101
The Magistrate has been a dear and valued friend since my earliest days here. scarletwoman Jul 2014 #102
Thank You Very Much, Ma'am The Magistrate Jul 2014 #114
... scarletwoman Jul 2014 #115
Yes, he deserves it Duckhunter935 Jul 2014 #104
i think he is funny JI7 Jul 2014 #106
I find the sir and ma'am routine to be annoying and condescending. Threedifferentones Jul 2014 #107
Heck to the yes sir lovemydog Jul 2014 #108
I agree! DoBotherMe Jul 2014 #110
he brings to DU... Enrique Jul 2014 #112
A tip of the hat to the good sir IronLionZion Jul 2014 #117
Absolutely WilliamPitt Jul 2014 #121
Thank You Very Much, Mr. Pitt The Magistrate Jul 2014 #125
A question Sir something I've wondered if you will azurnoir Jul 2014 #140
Someone In The Lounge, Ma'am, Once Described 'Deadwood' Dialogue As 'Magistrate With Tourettes'..... The Magistrate Jul 2014 #141
Lol I'm trying to imagine that azurnoir Jul 2014 #144
That It Can, Ma'am The Magistrate Jul 2014 #154
Kick! M can be reasoned with! grahamhgreen Jul 2014 #122
Are you Serious? "The Magistrate" has been Threatened and Needs Our Support? KoKo Jul 2014 #123
Will always make a point of reading any Magistrate Surya Gayatri Jul 2014 #124
at first I did not take to him Billy Budd Jul 2014 #126
I think the Magistrate is a big part of what makes DU wonderful! nt MADem Jul 2014 #127
I concur. flying rabbit Jul 2014 #128
I'll say… MrMickeysMom Jul 2014 #129
K & R Liberal_Dog Jul 2014 #130
there's nothing about The Magistrate I dislike tishaLA Jul 2014 #132
My most-respected poster, hands down. Barack_America Jul 2014 #134
Stand Gentlemen Lithos Jul 2014 #135
Good To See You Here, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #139
My pleasure Lithos Jul 2014 #155
I Expect It Will Only Get Worse, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #163
You remind me of my Dad, sir. beam me up scottie Jul 2014 #136
When world leaders meet, he's never invited - his attendance is assumed. maced666 Jul 2014 #137
I do so enjoy THe Magistrate. Ellipsis Jul 2014 #138
In my view...... DeSwiss Jul 2014 #143
Now, this is one tipping of the hat thread I can agree with! Violet_Crumble Jul 2014 #145
Thank You Very Much, Ma'am The Magistrate Jul 2014 #149
Oh hell yeah! BumRushDaShow Jul 2014 #146
Appreciate The Magistrate posts! Sunlei Jul 2014 #148
Way to go The Magistrate! egduj Jul 2014 #150
Undoubtedly. The Green Manalishi Jul 2014 #152
Post removed Post removed Jul 2014 #156
Idiosyncratic Use Of Language Fascinates Me, Sir The Magistrate Jul 2014 #158
Well, when you gather your disciples to get a comment nyabingi Jul 2014 #160
You Mean A Jury Hid One of Your Posts, Sir? The Magistrate Jul 2014 #161
Copy that! Populist_Prole Jul 2014 #157
Here! Here! burrowowl Jul 2014 #164
Again, My Thanks To All Who Replied Here The Magistrate Jul 2014 #165
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