you gotta understand where the fear comes from. There are scary reports bombarding us all the time, and there ARE things to avoid (if you can figure out what they are). It's seriously confusing--especially for the elderly, but really--for all of us. Sounds like your elder has a typical tendency to age related anxiety. And let's face it, trying to stay alive & well at 87 is no picnic. Count it as good that she wants to live at all. So many get depressed and don't care anymore. Maybe it's her way of getting reassurance that you still care, ie. attention.
I have an 87 year old MIL. She practices some avoidances I agree with, but on the other hand is a guinea pig for every new medication or supplement she hears about. Right now she's into chondroitin because a friend takes it. She has no joint issues but has high blood pressure (which chondroitin can elevate). So she's taking something that is not good for her, based on mythical prevention of joint problems (she's slim and spry for her age and never complains of her joints).
When people get older, bodies are more sensitive, and IMO ratcheting down everything from alcohol to medications as much as possible helps decrease stress on a less flexible system. Indian yogis who have the bodies of 30 year olds at age 70 eat very little--a few vegetable proteins, rice, nuts, fruit. We would do well to follow that diet, especially when getting older.
I understand your frustrations with elder care & "bearing the brunt." Having gone thru it myself with my Dad I would say do whatever makes YOU feel better. Stay cool. Try not to tangle with her. Give her whatever reassurances she needs (even if you don't agree). Accept this change at this stage. She's trying to hang onto some degree of control. (But I do also blame this hyped up, paranoia-producing culture where we are conditioned to be worried about the dangers in basic things. Unfortunately because of lack of consumer protections we have good reason to be paranoid. She's not crazy, just anxious). Whatever she wants to eat or not eat (within reason, short of hunger strikes) -- let her do it with as little fuss as possible. Don't push anything. For your own sake.
Grumpiness, plays for attention, using their health/diet as a wedge issue--this is sometimes the way that elders separate themselves. They know they must leave soon.
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