On Being Disabled

[Ms. Toad]

16. Backs are a sore point with me. Literally.

I have a longstanding back injury, for which I received a partial permanent disability award. The review was a joke. The worker's compensation doctor ran a standard set of tests that had absolutely nothing to do with the particular injury I had - and, frankly, I was afraid they would not find a disability because I could have run circles around the tests they asked me to perform, and I needed access to ongoing medical care which is not covered by insurance when the injury was a result of work related activity, and enough of a cash payout to pay the attorney's bills. If I recall correctly (it was nearly 30 years ago), I was declared 25% disabled.

I can wear/carry enough gear for cold water beach diving walking over a rocky beach in the NW US. I can ride my bike (racing posture) 150 miles over two days. I can even lug 80 lbs of salt for my water softener from my car trunk to the water tank. I could probably pack out elk meat if I felt like hunting.

What I can't do is sit in a stackable chair for more than 15 minutes - or I'll be in pain for a month (assuming I start immediately with 12-18 hours of heat daily). I also can't hold even a pound in my right hand if my right arm is raised to the side any more than about 30 degrees from vertical, or bear any downward pressure on my head or my right shoulder. That means that even though I can do things that would convince you I scammed the system, I have a back injury that would prevent me from being a postal worker, not because of the weight of the bag - as long as I carried it over my left shoulder, but because I would be unable to use my right arm to lift the mail and packages to put them in mailboxes.

You are not inside my skin, and don't know how disabling my back condition is - or the kinds of activities my particular back issue prevent - any more than the people who are telling you that you should have gone for 100% disability know what you are capable of. Please don't judge (or laugh) at situations you really can't know.