My ongoing exposure to domestic violence

[distantearlywarning]

25. What I Did:

Saved money in a bank account for 8 months, put some furniture on lay-away, signed a lease on a studio apartment, and hired movers to come help me on a weekend he was out of town. I didn't tell him, and I didn't give him my new address or phone.

He told me I was fat, stupid, and lazy. It's been 13 years since I left him. This year I will be celebrating my 8th wedding anniversary with a man who thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread and who has never once so much as spoken unkindly to me during an argument, and I will be defending my doctoral dissertation in a few months.

Nevertheless, the damage from the emotional abuse is still there under the surface. It changed me as a person. I always wish I had left sooner, before he was able to hurt me so much.

Every woman who has been in the situation you describe sees herself in your post, and they know where you are emotionally right now. Just get out. Every day that passes is more dangerous for you emotionally and physically, and it's one less day you have to live the rest of your life as a autonomous, happy human being instead of some asshole's plaything. I know it's impossible to see this truth right now, but life DOES NOT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. Not everybody lives this way. Most people in relationships treat one another with love and respect, and they don't yell or hit or contemptuously demean their partners. Seriously, just leave. Make plans, keep yourself safe, don't tell him anything, just get out.