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In reply to the discussion: "I stopped telling women to smile (and you should, too)." [View all]REP
(21,691 posts)160. OMFG YES! Thank you for posting this
I have been commanded to "smile!" by male strangers many times, including:
* Right after I found out I had cancer
* After my father's funeral
* After being told I have a disease for which there is no effective treatment and will probably kill me (not the cancer)
etc
It's never appropriate. Never.
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"be annoyed with men suggesting that you should try and look more pleasant." WTF.. now,
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#2
Thank you...You're spot on. You don't hear women demanding men to smile, except me
whathehell
Jan 2013
#228
Telling a woman to smile is so patronizing, almost like encouraging a dog to sit.
Chemisse
Jan 2013
#4
Good god, college-age guys are still doing this?? No wonder women don't feel like smiling, ever.
Nay
Jan 2013
#99
i found a whole site of them. now, i am going to them for whatever the post requires.
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#36
Trust me, you will *love* being able to walk down a street, use mass transit, or shop
gkhouston
Jan 2013
#45
Ain't that the truth. I love the non-attention age brings me. I'm not so happy about the
Nay
Jan 2013
#101
LOL, true. And when you say "no", people realize you mean it the first time.
gkhouston
Jan 2013
#123
True. No one can tell someone how to feel. So why do some people feel they need to?
Squinch
Jan 2013
#252
you have said as clearly as can be. if still not understood, it is purposeful. also, all the posters
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#267
Has a strange woman, in whom you have no interest, ever approached you on the street solely to tell
Squinch
Jan 2013
#279
One person approached you in a restaurant, long ago. In my youth, anytime I was walking
Squinch
Jan 2013
#285
that was a comment from a man who spent all day with you observing you "mope" for hours
bettyellen
Jan 2013
#318
You seem to believe that most women are always interested in engaging in a mating
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#314
Well, I don't know else to tell you, Mike. You've heard it from a number of women here,
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#317
You're not being censored. You can say whatever you want to (or at) whomever you want.
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#336
the point would be, there are articles, blogs and the number of time on du we have had this
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#339
Just one other thought: would you ever tell your boss to smile and stop frowning? Why is that?
Squinch
Jan 2013
#247
I think you might want to KNOW that your boss could understand before you told him or her to
Squinch
Jan 2013
#254
Well I tell you the truth I would not want to work for someone as petty and vindictive as that
zeemike
Jan 2013
#274
What do you have to be so upset about? You should smile instead of getting so mad.
Squinch
Jan 2013
#277
The women hearing those words are not trying to attract either. Nor do they owe explanations to
Squinch
Jan 2013
#283
I think the women who've been replying to this thread may be misunderstanding what a man
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#311
this same argument came up a while ago. i asked all the men and boys in my life. none of them has
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#151
Neoma is not a man. Ha ha. And any other guy who said they've heard it forgot we were talking about
bettyellen
Jan 2013
#308
that people love telling women how to look and act, but spare men this bullshit?
bettyellen
Jan 2013
#316
that women secretly do this to men all the time, and never admit it? and guys lie too, pretending
bettyellen
Jan 2013
#321
you claim to see women do this all the time- if it was to adult male strangers, would be equivalent
bettyellen
Jan 2013
#323
oh please, if you had one, you'd be proudly defending it. but you posted total nonsense about women
bettyellen
Jan 2013
#326
total strangers of both sexes walking down the street stop to lecture you frequently?
bettyellen
Jan 2013
#320
I keep thinking of the old westerns where the outgunned man has to "smile when he says that."
Squinch
Jan 2013
#287
THIS ^^^^ - I have had older male clients pull this with me while I am in the middle of examining
kestrel91316
Jan 2013
#260
that is the thing. it is not even because a woman may be bothered about a damn thing. could be in
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#268
Just curious - why is a stranger striking up a conversation less offensive than a stranger
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#66
Not necessarily--maybe the person is lonely and needs someone to talk to
Lydia Leftcoast
Jan 2013
#80
It's the condescension and the fact that "you should smile" has nothing to do with what is going on
Squinch
Jan 2013
#294
Of course not! That random strangers have the right to criticize your emotional state--
eridani
Jan 2013
#225
Well, that's it exactly. And that's why women hate being told to smile by random men. They
Nay
Jan 2013
#125
it's such a weird thing. that used to happen to me when i was younger, total strangers telling
HiPointDem
Jan 2013
#21
but so often it is the man that is a couple decades or more, older. and as the woman ages....
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#30
in my memory, at least, i didn't notice any attempt to pick me up...maybe i was oblivious. i
HiPointDem
Jan 2013
#91
And poopyheads are notorious for dampening any impulse to smile. Because they're poopyheads.
Squinch
Jan 2013
#295
That might have something to do with it. When I used to work in NYC a day didn't pass when it
Squinch
Jan 2013
#296
right on to both points but LOVE the second one. hadnt thought of that but yes, i have had that too
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#32
Wow! I must be one ugggly babe! I don't remember anyone (other than my mother)
marybourg
Jan 2013
#37
You gave him a teachable moment. If he got past his embarrassment, maybe he learned something.
tavalon
Jan 2013
#184
i have a blast with people out in public and it has nothing to do with emotion on demand.
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#51
I get what yall are saying, but if a lady noticed me bumming and asked me to put a smile on
Ed Suspicious
Jan 2013
#39
Oh, Ed, that is a little sad. Below is a hug for you. But you have to realize that any woman
Nay
Jan 2013
#118
I can't imagine ever saying such a thing to anyone, much less a complete stranger.
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#43
It's kind of sad that we've become so insulated from each other. I would not even let my
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#60
+1000! It has ALWAYS been a way for men to insist that young women are to be decorative
Nay
Jan 2013
#98
The best way to get anyone to smile is to give a smile. A genuine smile, and a kind
1monster
Jan 2013
#53
You're much braver than I am. I've never initiated conversation with a female stranger.
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#63
That may all be true for you, but it's been my experience that most women will respond
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#112
Yes, clubbing was really dreadful for me. Ironically, I did meet my wife in a neighborhood
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#121
Yes, she's a keeper. We have a wonderful son who is gentle, caring, unselfish and compassionate.
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#198
I'm female and I regularly toss off a bon mot and a smile to utter stangers. Sometimes
1monster
Jan 2013
#92
You'd be surprised. Many women find a friendly word much more attractive than a handsome face.
kestrel91316
Jan 2013
#275
Yep. I hate that more than ANYTHING. That and "cheer up!" Omg, I hate that SO MUCH.
Butterbean
Jan 2013
#137
I'm 57 years old now, and I still understand less about females than George Costanza.
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#69
Aaaand there's exhibit A. I managed to offend you with that comment, which is why I never
Flatulo
Jan 2013
#190
I'm a guy,women always tell me that women would like me more if I smiled more.
athenasatanjesus
Jan 2013
#100
In my experience it's the same people who tell someone to have a blessed day
Major Nikon
Jan 2013
#111
Saying something witty and amusing is better than telling someone to smile. (nt)
Nye Bevan
Jan 2013
#117
yes. little boys get it. BUT, do grown men. can you imagine a grown man being told to smile,
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#133
I went through a period in my life where I was severly depressed. Men were always telling me to
smirkymonkey
Jan 2013
#149
I can't count the number of times when I was in college walking from one class to another that some
Raine
Jan 2013
#156
Since women usually laugh at me when they see me, I don't have this problem. n/t
cherokeeprogressive
Jan 2013
#169
You'd be wrong. It's my bald head, my pot belly, and for those who've seen it...
cherokeeprogressive
Jan 2013
#197
Yes, men are uncomfortable with unsmiling women. It's like the old "grinning and shuffling"
whathehell
Jan 2013
#229
I'm wracking my brain thinking when was the last time that a stranger asked me to smile.
Beacool
Jan 2013
#238
It must exist, or the OP wouldn't exist. But who the hell targets women and insists they smile?
Buzz Clik
Jan 2013
#251
I have seen grandfatherly types say this to someone they are trying to help.
Buzz Clik
Jan 2013
#265
"as younger men get off that whole Alpha Male thing"? And this would be where? Not in the news I'm
WinkyDink
Jan 2013
#272
Covert sexism aside, I'll never understand why anyone would ask this of anyone.
D23MIURG23
Jan 2013
#255
he really seems to have thought thru making that comment. not that women should appear pleasant so
seabeyond
Jan 2013
#270
This is beyond stupid. First of all, "You can't complain about men not approaching you"??? Who does
WinkyDink
Jan 2013
#269