General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: "I stopped telling women to smile (and you should, too)." [View all]Nine
(1,741 posts)I know I'm not the first person in the thread to make that observation, but it bears repeating.
I don't think every man who does this is trying to hit on the woman or is trying to oppress or control her. But I do think that it's based on a sexist and condescending worldview the man who does this might not even realize.
And I wouldn't call this a first world problem either. If you encounter it often enough it can really wear you down, just like any other form of subtle prejudice. The reason it's so annoying is that there is just no good response. When someone cluelessly thinks he's being friendly and nice, an unfriendly response seems harsh. But smiling in response to a request feels idiotic and submissive. It's an intrusion when you're deep in thought, and it's embarrassing if you didn't even realize you (apparently) had a scowl on your face.
And even going by old-fashioned etiquette, it's inappropriate to approach strangers (especially a man approaching a woman) and make personal remarks. The modern version of that would really not be too different. I don't like strange men getting too close or familiar to me because it forces me to be on my guard somewhat, and that can wear you down too.