General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: This message was self-deleted by its author [View all]thucythucy
(7,986 posts)to know when they have benefited from the existence of rape, and the fear that rape instills in women. Generally speaking, those benefits are subtle, but nonetheless they still exist.
For instance: think back over your life. Has there ever in your life been the possibility that you've gotten a leg up going for a job, because women -- half of your potential competitors -- might feel uncomfortable working that same job, because of the threat of rape? Perhaps you got a job on a night shift, because women qualified for the same work were worried about being out alone that late, walking through a near deserted parking lot. Maybe you were willing to work later hours than the women at your work place--and thus were more able to impress your boss--because of the same fear. Maybe you were able to take a job in an area that women might feel unsafe venturing into alone--especially if they didn't own a car -- while the same fear wasn't a part of your mindset.
Maybe a woman at your workplace, someone who might have been a competitor, had to take time off after being raped. Maybe they were sexually harassed by the boss--and had to quit. Maybe one of your women classmates had to drop out of school because she was raped on campus--meaning you had a better shot at limited scholarship money.
Generally speaking, whenever I talk to my male friends about this, they first deny any possibility that they derived any such advantage, but eventually they come around to saying, "There WAS this one time when..." and mention some way that they were able to better compete for something they wanted, because their female competitors either had an experience of rape or sexual harassment, or had to worry about being raped, or assaulted, in a way they didn't even have to think about.
There are a hundred thousand different ways that women (and girls) are constrained in their lives by the fear of being raped. Often this fear is unspoken, almost unconscious--yet there it is. And very often men who benefit from this fear--from the constraints it puts on women, from the way it hinders women in so many aspects of life -- have no idea they have in fact benefitted.
Again, this isn't meant as a personal attack, but as a statement of a reality that women face.
To change an injustice, you have to first be aware that it exists.
To end oppression, you have to first understand the details and mechanics of how that oppression works, as painful as that may be.
I just wish I could better articulate what I'm trying to say.