General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Rape more Common than Smoking in the US [View all]bettyellen
(47,209 posts)Comments below are amazing.
"Step 2: The women speak up about it to their partners.
Step 3: It gets written off as not a big deal or he probably didnt mean it or hes not a bad guy, really. Any discussion of the bad behavior must immediately be followed by a complete audit of his better qualities or the sad things hes suffered in the name of fairness. Once the camera has moved in and seen him in closeup as a real, human, suffering person, how can you (the object, always an object, as in objectified, as in a disembodied set of tits or orifices, or a Trapper Keeper, or a favorite coffee mug or a pet cat) be so cruel as to want to hold him accountable for his actions? Bitches, man.
Step 4: Everyone is worried about hurting creepy dudes feelings or making it weird for creepy dude. Better yet, everyone is worried about how the other dudes in the friend group will feel if they are called out for enabling creepy dude. Women are worried that if they push the issue, that the entire friend group will side with creepy dude or that theyll be blamed for causing drama. Look at how LW #323 put it: how can I approach this subject with my boyfriend, and make him understand a) how serious this is, and b) that he is not responsible for Bens reactions, without making him feel defensive?
Wouldnt want someone who covers up for and defends a proto-rapist to have to have SADFEELS, right? (LW, its not your fault youre asking the question this way, its just that our culture sucks about this and your boyfriend and his friends have been giving you constant messages that Ben is to be coddled while you are to be shushed in the hopes that it will all blow over)."
http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/#comment-20894