General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: No, I will not feel gender guilt [View all]cherokeeprogressive
(24,853 posts)I don't believe I have the capacity to feel guilty for something I have neither done, condoned, or allowed to happen. It's just not in me.
I've been seeing all this talk about "the culture of rape" and can't help but think to myself (and to DU now) this phrase is somehow flawed in its context. To me, culture is something that's handed down from one generation to the next. To a large extent, culture is something that is to be celebrated. There is Rock and Roll culture... Hip Hop culture, Southern culture, Biker culture, and a whole host of other things participated in by large groups of people that can all be considered to be "culture". I don't think rape fits into this category. Rapists hide. They do their thing in private HOPING no one will find out.
I ride a Harley Davidson. Does that make me a "Biker"? Only in the broadest sense. Me? I'm just a guy who rides an iconic motorcycle because he likes the way it looks, feels, and sounds. Conversely, since I've never raped, condoned rape, or allowed a rape to happen; I can't see myself as part of the "rape culture" some people seem to think exists.
I do not know (I THINK) anyone who has ever raped a woman or girl for that matter. I can tell you this; If I ever meet one, or come to understand that someone I know IS one, he won't brag to anyone about his acquaintence with me. If a woman (or girl) were to confide in me that she'd been a victim of rape, I'd be the first to call for the organization of a pitchfork and torch party. We'll sort out guilt or innocence later and if the accusation were proven to be false I'd do whatever it took to make amends to the accused.
There's a post in GD that asks a question about getting by in an insane world. I didn't post in it because I couldn't add anything that hadn't already been said. I get by by considering my place in the Grand Scheme of Things and understanding my ability to influence the direction of Things one way or the other. I'm just a tiny piece in an inconceivably large puzzle; I can only influence the complete puzzle by the way I interact with the pieces nearest to me.
I hate rape to the depths of my soul. My ex-wife is probably the most beautiful, kind, generous woman I've had the good fortune to mingle souls with. She was raped by her own father. I didn't find out about this until our marriage was over after 10 years, and the night I found out I wound up driving into his front yard at about 2 in the morning and calling him out in front of his whole neighborhood AND my Wife's mother. I was still yelling at him when the Deputy pushed my head down to put me in the back seat of his cruiser. That was the only thing I could do in the context of interacting with the puzzle pieces closest to me in the Grand Scheme of Things.
It's not about feeling guilty. It's about understanding that victims of this horrible act have understandably lost trust in humanity as a whole, and men in general. I was forced to come to that understanding by circumstances I had no control over. I wasn't feeling guilty, I was ANGRY.
Don't feel guilty. I don't think anyone is asking you to. I think what we see here is an attempt to make us as men understand that maybe we as men can make a difference by interacting with those closest to us in a way so as to make our counterparts understand how bad the problem is and possibly influence those close to us in a lasting way that will expand like the ripples a raindrop makes in a small pond.
Fuck. I read this and it sounds like a post about ME. That's not my intent. I can only hope whoever reads it will understand that...