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Music Man

(1,373 posts)
Sun Jun 9, 2024, 10:25 PM Jun 9

My Dad died last week. I'd appreciate advice on a couple things. [View all]

Though Dad had had health struggles, this was unexpected. It's hit the family hard, though we've come together to take care of things and support my Mom. I adored Dad, and this is crushing.

1. Guilt is a big issue in my psyche. Guilt over doing things that we would have enjoyed doing together. Guilt upon any moments of happiness or normalcy. Guilt over things I said and did as a kid. I know these are universal feelings, but they're new to me. I'd appreciate any guidance.

2. We had a lovely funeral for the most part. The stories, music, pictures, family, etc. It was wonderful. Except the preacher that the funeral home offered was awkward as hell, injecting himself where he didn't need to, cringe-worthy comments, talking a lot about himself, evangelizing in ways that didn't represent Dad (we asked for a simple prayer at the beginning and end and merely introducing speakers/performers beyond that, as Dad was not a particularly religious person). I wish I could spend more time focusing on everything that honored Dad and how everything in our control went well, but I have spent more time stewing about this clueless nitwit making our family uncomfortable. Any experiences like this? It would make feel less alone in this regard.

I appreciate you all.

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I would suggest you seek out a certified grief counselor - werdna Jun 9 #1
If you're still employed, contact your employer's EAP and ask for recommendations about a grief counselor or talk WhiskeyGrinder Jun 9 #2
Very Good Advice ProfessorGAC Jun 10 #31
I'm very sorry for your loss. brer cat Jun 9 #3
As per #1 BOSSHOG Jun 9 #4
My sincere condolences 💐 Deuxcents Jun 9 #5
Re the funeral: even if you knew the preacher, there's no way to be marybourg Jun 9 #6
I'm so sorry for your loss. Phoenix61 Jun 9 #7
I might be way off on this.......just have another remembrance gathering for your dad..... a kennedy Jun 9 #8
Good idea NJCher Jun 10 #18
I'd just add to this meadowlander Jun 10 #22
I am so sorry for your loss. I will share a few thoughts and some ideas for you. NewHendoLib Jun 9 #9
This shall pass. usonian Jun 9 #10
I'm sorry for your loss. area51 Jun 9 #11
I saw a quote that guilt was your knowledge you would never do so again. LakeArenal Jun 9 #12
I'm sorry MM for your loss. This thread will probably give a thousand people flashbacks. TheBlackAdder Jun 9 #13
Huggggs. Holding you in love and light. . There is so much excellent niyad Jun 10 #14
Seems to me the ONE and BEST thing to keep in mind is to be kind to yourself at this calimary Jun 10 #15
I am so sorry. pandr32 Jun 10 #16
Our guilt is nearly always a part of grief. Big Blue Marble Jun 10 #17
Give yourself some time. So sorry that your Dad left before you were prepared for him to go. japple Jun 10 #19
When the feelings of guilt come upon you, Farmer-Rick Jun 10 #20
It's normal for your feelings to be all over the place. meadowlander Jun 10 #21
Time heals BlueTexasMan Jun 10 #23
A few thoughts Joinfortmill Jun 10 #24
I'm sorry for your loss. markodochartaigh Jun 10 #25
Condolences to your family. blm Jun 10 #26
I am so sorry for your loss. When we lose someone we love, we always think of the unsaid things, the undone LoisB Jun 10 #27
My deepest condolences on your loss, Music Man Niagara Jun 10 #28
I'm so sorry to read that. MineralMan Jun 10 #29
Ugh. So sorry about the preacher. progressoid Jun 10 #30
Deepest Sympathy to you and yours malaise Jun 10 #32
Although I went through that 24 years ago, I can only offer condoleances DFW Jun 10 #33
Things are going to get better for you. EndlessWire Jun 10 #34
I tell others to remember the good memories. LiberalFighter Jun 10 #35
Lost my father to lung cancer almost 16 years ago... Xolodno Jun 10 #36
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