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Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:27 AM

Nation Suddenly Remembers Simple Comforts Of Having Out-Of-Touch White Man Run Country [View all]

WASHINGTON—With just days left before the election, the nation’s 150 million registered voters have started to remember the simple, reassuring comforts of entrusting control of their country to an extremely out-of-touch white man, sources confirmed Monday.

In the wake of the presidential debates, multiple polls have shown that citizens nationwide are beginning to recall, with great clarity, the soothing, familiar sense of security that comes with handing total domestic and foreign policy authority over to a sixtysomething white male who is completely cut off from any way of life other than his own. And with the country having gone four years without such a familiar, calming, clueless Caucasian presence in the Oval Office, experts reported the populace is now overcome with nostalgia.

“As Election Day approaches, more and more Americans are reminiscing about how much they enjoy it when an old white man who in no way understands them is placed in charge of the world’s largest economy,” University of Virginia political scientist Charles Overberg said. “Indeed, when voters consider whom they’d like to oversee vital social programs and embody the image of the United States projected abroad, the vast majority feel a sense of comfort and safety upon contemplating the familiar, reassuring light-skinned face of a man who is utterly incapable of connecting with them or anyone else of their socioeconomic status in any meaningful way.”

“In particular, citizens feel the greatest sense of contentment with an outrageously privileged Caucasian man who has never experienced any adversity whatsoever,” Overberg continued. “It’s nearly universal—Americans just have a soft spot for granting unfathomable power to white, backward-thinking 60-year-old men.”

According to a Reuters/Ipsos poll conducted this week, more than 80 percent of likely voters said they felt “calmed” and “soothed” upon picturing the nation’s commander in chief as a detached Caucasian male, while 9 out of 10 admitted they were comforted by the idea of once again placing the future of Social Security and health care in the hands of an older gentleman of European descent who is starkly disconnected from everyday reality.


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Reply Nation Suddenly Remembers Simple Comforts Of Having Out-Of-Touch White Man Run Country [View all]
MrScorpio Oct 2012 OP
Blue Owl Oct 2012 #1
DreamGypsy Oct 2012 #2
littlemissmartypants Oct 2012 #3
Kurovski Oct 2012 #4
JI7 Oct 2012 #5
Kurovski Oct 2012 #6
JI7 Oct 2012 #7
caraher Oct 2012 #9
Kurovski Oct 2012 #12
Alcibiades Oct 2012 #14
LeftInTX Oct 2012 #8
Angry Dragon Oct 2012 #10
ismnotwasm Oct 2012 #11
JI7 Oct 2012 #13
Up2Late Oct 2012 #15
Spitfire of ATJ Oct 2012 #16