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Response to Heartstrings (Original post)

Sat Nov 28, 2020, 03:53 PM

88. Sena's post needs to be printed in papers across the country.

My story, from 37yrs ago...

After obvious problems appeared, multiple ultrasounds were done in my 2nd & 3rd trimester. The last set were done by specialists at the hospital. It was a horrible experience to have a group of technicians pointing and whispering around the monitor and have them to refuse to tell you WTF was going on. But I knew enough, enough to know that my baby had tremendous problem(s). I knew my belly was half the size it should have been, but I did not know WHAT exactly the problem was.

Sadly, I was quite passed the point in my pregnancy where I could have gotten a legal abortion...or one w/o a broad of review making a protracted decision about it. (This was 1983.) During my office appointments, my OB hemmed, hawed, and would not address the problem. With his silence, he did indeed lie to me.

I learned, some time after Amy died, that he had almost lost his license to practice at a local Catholic hospital after he discreetly "terminated" a late-term pregnancy because the baby had some terminal problem.

In my case, he chose to protect himself rather than to deal with another difficult pregnancy ---rather than give the mother the facts and a choice. I should have changed docs and learned the facts. I would have petitioned for an abortion rather than let my baby painfully fight for hours trying to live. (Amy died from lack of oxygen because her lungs could not function properly due to the diaphragmatic hernia. She did not survive the attempt to correct the all too extensive hernia, which had allowed to her intestines to grow into her lung cavity. The extent of her hernia had been detected on those many ultrasounds!! She was almost found to have polycystic kidneys.)

As dastardly as it might sound to some, late term abortion would have been the most humane thing to do. But I was so traumatized and so unsure of how to proceed. For weeks --for the remaining time of that third trimester I cried myself to sleep because I knew enough to know how bad it was going to be. Sadly my husband was not supportive because he escaped into denial.

The only person who would truthfully address the problem (& the only person who would comfort me) was the pediatrician I went to see 6 weeks before delivery. She had a copy of my OBs chart. She held my hand and confirmed that my baby had major problems. She then told me that shed be there for me and do every thing that she could for my baby for Amy and that we, together, would get through what was coming. I loved her for confirming the truth of what I knew. The only person in my world to have done so.

Many yrs later I found that same OB doc w/a group of nurse groupies having dinner at the same restaurant we were at. (My son, who was delivered yrs later by another OB, was with me at the time.) I did not want to create a scene, but I wanted this asshole doc to know what a horrible person I considered him to be. So, I wrote a note on a napkin, "DO NOT EVER again NOT tell a woman that her baby has major problems." I stood there while he read it. I said "I'll never forget what you did to me." His face turned white and he got up & left. True story.

This was such an emotionally painful part of my past but I had to add my story.


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Heartstrings Nov 2020 OP
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LineReply Sena's post needs to be printed in papers across the country.
Duppers Nov 2020 #88
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