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Wed Feb 5, 2020, 06:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-5: They Came In Like A Wrecking Ball Edition [View all]

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-5: They Came In Like A Wrecking Ball Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Tallahassee? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Hey I think this is our first time in the Florida Panhandle! Really how cool is that? Anyway, congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs on winning their second Super Bowl in franchise history. San Francisco 49ers, you had a great run and you can rest assured that Trump won’t screw up your geography in a tweet. Yeah that happened. Let’s take a second to remind ourselves of the fact that the President Of The United States doesn’t even have a basic knowledge of geography beyond a second grade level. I will repeat that in a much more angry, Lewis Black-esque tone: HE’S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!! And he doesn’t know that Kansas City is in Missouri? Oh yeah let’s take a sharpie over the map and alter it like so… yeah that’s more like it! Because a sharpie makes everything more funny. We learned that last year during the hurricane debacle. I mean this is the kind of thing we’re up against in 2020 – a president who wouldn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground, and a party that is backing his every move with treason. Just how are the Dems not running off that? We should be able to beat the pants off this guy… yeah poor choice of words. Especially considering I hear that he likes that kind of thing. OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back and he suggests that Dems play dirty in the next election and even gives them some free advice:

Wow, this entire thing is taking a turn every single day doesn’t it seem like? Well in the first slot this week is of course the guy who we currently call president Donald J. Trump (1) and did he commit sexual assault back in the 90s? Well a new lawsuit aims to, for lack of a better word, expose that situation for the truth, and it’s funny watching Trumpers try to justify this. Pass the popcorn. In the second slot this week, we’re going across the pond to check in with Brexit (2) and this is it people, Brexit is in effect, and it has the potential to make a bad situation even worse, because that’s what conservatives do. In slot #3 is also Donald J. Trump (3), and in a not at all ironic twist of fate, some extreme weather conditions along the California border in Chula Vista are blowing new sections of Trump’s poorly built border fence into Mexico, and there’s a record length tunnel underneath. You can’t make this up. Taking the fourth slot is also Donald Trump (4). He held one of his rah rah MAGA rallies in New Jersey and his supporters left behind a giant pile of trash, and he’s sticking the city of Wildwood with the bill! Hardly shocking, I know. In slot #5 is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5), and this week are former members of the Green Bay Packers running a doomsday prepper cult or is it an innocent fellowship church? After a terrifying incident on Christmas Eve last year, it appears the former and not the latter. And taking the 7th slot this week is “Beating A Dead Horse” – sadly last week we lost Laker legend Koby Bryant in that tragic helicopter crash, but did trashy celebrity tabloid outfit TMZ publish the news of his death before the Bryant family had a chance to be notified? Harvey Levin (7) has some explaining to do! Taking the 8th slot this week is our segment “We’re All Gonna Die” and last week we reported on the deadly Corona Virus originating from Wuhan, China, but it seems that hysteria surrounding the virus has reached epic proportions! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is a new “People Are Dumb” and since we’re in Florida this week, we’re dedicating it all to Florida Man! And finally this week, we have a new “Keeping Up With The Candidates” – we are going to find out what the fuck happened in Iowa on Monday and the absolute chaos surrounding the Dem primary. And if you are like us and you think that voting by app is a bad idea, well, you're not wrong! And the palate cleanser, we have some live music from our good friends The Dirty Heads! I mean really, buy their new album “Super Moon” or you are no friend of this program. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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OK now that we got that out of the way, we here at the Top 10 writers’ room spent much time debating how we were going to best approach this subject. Because we don’t want to go there, nor do we want to go into too much detail. But considering we’ve covered both Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and Brett Kavanaugh, we feel that we have to cover the latest allegations surrounding the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump. And we can’t help but feel a bit of schadenfreude at watching the people who previously trashed Bill Clinton are now trying to actively find ways to justify Trump’s behavior, and it’s not good.

Writer E. Jean Carroll, who accused President Donald Trump of sexually assaulting her in the 1990s asked for a DNA sample to compare genetic material from the alleged assault Thursday.

Carroll tweeted that a dress she wore the night she said Trump sexually assaulted has been tested and that her attorney sent a subpoena to Trump's attorney to submit a DNA sample.

Roberta Kaplan, an attorney for Carroll, said they have requested a saliva sample from Trump.

In a statement, Carroll said that after the alleged assault in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room she took the black dress she was wearing at the time off and hung it in her closet.

"I only wore it once since then and that was at the photo shoot for the New York Magazine article about my book," Carroll said. "Unidentified male DNA on the dress could prove that Donald Trump not only knows who I am, but also that he violently assaulted me in a dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman and then defamed me by lying about it and impugning my character."

Yes, oh shit indeed! So we have someone who is actively accusing the guy who is, I don’t know, the President Of The United States, of sexual assault! You know who didn’t assault anyone? Obama. There’s that comparison that Trump wanted. So President Goofus is under fire for this and rightfully so, and you don’t just go accusing someone like that of a crime like that. Except when they did it in the 90s to Bill Clinton.

Carroll accused Trump last summer of raping her in a Manhattan luxury department store dressing room in the mid-1990s.

In a New York magazine piece in June and a book published the next month, Carroll said she and Trump met by chance, chatted and went to the lingerie department for Trump to pick out a gift for an unidentified woman. She said joking banter about trying on a bodysuit ended in a dressing room, where she said Trump reached under her dress, pulled down her tights and raped her as she tried to fight him off, eventually escaping.

“The Donna Karan coatdress still hangs on the back of my closet door, unworn and unlaundered since that evening,” she wrote. She donned it for a photo accompanying the magazine piece.

Trump said in June that Carroll was “totally lying” and that he “never met this person in my life.” Trump dismissed a photo of them and their spouses at a social event in 1987 as a moment when he was “standing with my coat on in a line.”

“She is trying to sell a new book – that should indicate her motivation,” he said, adding that the book “should be sold in the fiction section.”

Carroll sued Trump in November, saying he smeared her and hurt her career as a longtime Elle magazine advice columnist by calling her a liar. She seeks unspecified damages and a retraction of Trump’s statements.

Man it just keeps coming doesn’t it? Of course Trump is going to say that Carroll is lying, but considering it was so long ago, we may never know the whole truth. But if you look on the conservative blog-o-sphere, which we unfortunately spent a lot of time doing last week, their justifications are coming quite insane and furiously. Which they are saying that 31 years is a long time to hang onto an article of clothing. Really? That’s the best you got? Please.

“The Donna Karan coatdress still hangs on the back of my closet door, unworn and unlaundered since that evening,” she wrote. She wore it for a photo to accompany the article.

In a statement released on Thursday, Ms Carroll says: “Unidentified male DNA on the dress could prove that Donald Trump not only knows who I am, but also that he violently assaulted me in a dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman and then defamed me by lying about it and impugning my character.”

In January, President Trump’s lawyers asked a judge to throw out the defamation case arguing that the suit cannot be tried in a New York state court because his statements were made in Washington, DC. Trump lawyer Lawrence S Rosen wrote at the time that New York law does not allow for defamation suits over statements made elsewhere, except in circumstances that Carroll’s case does not meet.

Justice Doris Ling-Cohan of State Supreme Court in Manhattan rejected the argument on the basis that Trump had failed to provide any evidence to support his position — “not even a tweet, much less an affidavit.” She also denied a request that discovery be stayed.

WTF indeed, there’s no way Trump would tweet about this. Though we can certainly picture it – there’s plenty of ways that he could, and I’m sure all of them would end with “SAD!!!”. But of course, like the trash left at one of his MAGA rallies, he’s attempting to throw it out, but also like the trash at a MAGA rally, he’s going to get stuck with it while someone else gets the check.

President Donald Trump has failed in his legal bid to throw out a defamation lawsuit filed against him from advice columnist E. Jean Carroll, who accuses Trump of raping her 24 years ago. A New York state judge ruled that Carroll can now proceed with her lawsuit that alleges that Trump defamed her when he made public comments denying that he raped her. Trump’s lawyers tried to invalidate the lawsuit on the basis that he was not in New York and didn’t live in the state when he made his comments, so New York’s courts didn’t have jurisdiction to hear the case. However, Justice Doris Ling-Cohan said Trump failed to support that position with evidence, saying: “There is not even a tweet, much less an affidavit by defendant Trump in support of his motion.” Roberta Kaplan, a lawyer for Carroll, said: “We look forward to moving ahead in this case and proving that Donald Trump lied when he told the world that he did not rape our client and had not even met her.” Carroll alleged last year that Trump raped her in a dressing room at the Bergdorf Goodman department store in the mid-1990s.

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[font size="8"]Brexit Begins
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Let’s check in with our good friends across the pond and marvel at the just colossal shit show that is the Brexit election. As an American looking on from abroad, I can’t help but just sit in awe of the sheer insanity that has been Brexit. Just when I think our government can't get any crazier, England comes along and says "Hold my pint of Boddington's!". It started as a social media campaign and was filled with as much disinformation as the 2016 election was. And had the same outcome, which was to topple the government and throw everyone in a tailspin. Now, it’s official. Last Thursday, British conservatives, which you might know as the Tories, celebrated as Boris Johnson’s Brexit became official. The UK is going to leave the EU. But that’s the gist of the headline. They’re in for a hell of fight if people read past the headlines.

Just three days after their formal parting, Britain and the European Union were already at loggerheads Monday over a future trade deal, setting the stage for months of bluster and bickering over how to refashion their economic and political ties.

With Britain’s formal exit from the bloc on Friday night, many Britons had hoped to finally put the Brexit nightmare behind them.

But judging by the statements from both sides of the English Channel on Monday, that hope seems likely to be unfulfilled.

In remarks in Brussels, Europe’s chief negotiator, Michel Barnier, adopted a steely tone, insisting that Britain must commit to preventing unfair competition if it wants access to the market of 450 million Europeans without tariffs and quotas.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson responded from London by threatening to walk away from talks if the European Union tries to tie Britain too closely to its rules as a price for a free-trade agreement. Mr. Johnson also called for an end to “hysterical” fears about American food entering Britain — a reminder to Europeans that he hopes to strike a post-Brexit trade deal with the United States, too.

Yeah so Boris Johnson and his doppleganger Donald Trump entering into a trade deal while ignoring the rest of the EU? What could possibly go wrong? But British conservatives looking to pop the champagne should probably put the corks back on the bottle. It’s not that easy and it’s definitely not over yet. Oh no, strap in guys, because you’re in it for the long haul.

Occasionally, taking politicians at their word is more revealing than looking for the hidden meaning. When Donald Trump says he loves tariffs, maybe he does. When Emmanuel Macron says NATO is brain-dead and needs fundamental reform to survive, he might mean it. And when Boris Johnson says Brexit is about taking back control, perhaps he believes this too.

That was certainly the message the prime minister conveyed yesterday in the most consequential speech of his post-election premiership to date, setting out his vision for the future relationship between the U.K. and the European Union. The point was simple and clear: Britain will not bind itself to EU rules as the price of a trade deal. Instead, Johnson said, the country would regain “full legal autonomy.” It would, to use his oft-repeated phrase, “take back control.”

No one should be surprised. As one of the leaders of the campaign to take Britain out of the EU, Johnson claimed that the foundation of British prosperity was democracy—the ability to adapt—not the ease of business within an immense open market. After the referendum, he resigned from Theresa May’s government when the former prime minister unveiled her proposed Brexit deal, which would have seen Britain continue to accept EU rules even after its exit. Johnson decried this as economic vassalage and quit in protest.

Since becoming prime minister, Johnson has stuck to this script. Before the general election, Johnson chose the Brexit model that prioritized sovereignty and maximum freedom from the EU, even at the cost of erecting an internal U.K. border with Northern Ireland (and ignoring economic forecasts that a more distant relationship with the EU would be worse for the British economy). Now, empowered by his landslide general-election victory, he is once again putting sovereignty first.


Yeah no, that might have worked on Animal House, but it doesn’t work in real life. So the question is, are countries celebrating Brexit? Are they telling the UK to go take a hike or are they like the pathetic ex kneeling on your doorstep going “PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!!! PLEASE!!!”. Well, Scotland could be the next great divide in the EU, declaring its’ independence from the UK. And that could make an already ugly situation that much worse.

In the 2014 referendum campaign, the EU's top official actively discouraged the Yes movement.

The then president of the European Commission, Jose Manuel Barroso, said securing membership would be "extremely difficult, if not impossible" for Scotland.

Several EU foreign ministers also made clear an independent Scotland would need to apply to get back in, contradicting the Scottish government's plan to seek continued membership.

That was when the UK was a full member of the EU. It enjoyed the solidarity of the other 27 countries.

With Brexit, that can no longer be relied upon.

That's not to say serving EU leaders want to promote Scottish independence.

Yeah so just like a group of cells, England divided from the EU, and Scotland could divide from the UK, which would make this worse. But this is proving that conservatives really are the same no matter what country you’re in. And for British conservatives celebrating this, yeah maybe don’t. Because you should know all the facts before you cut the cord.

Brexit is – allegedly – done. The UK is no longer a member state of the European Union, so in this sense at least, the outcome of the 2016 referendum has finally been honoured. But how done is “done”? And what happens next? While Brexit to date has hardly been easy, a new report by the UK in a Changing Europe shows that much of the real work still lies ahead.

First, there are negotiations. These will require trade-offs. The government now faces a choice between aligning with existing EU rules, which will allow for more trade, and regulatory autonomy, which grants the UK national control but makes trade harder. That choice will have consequences.

Before those consequences really kick in, however, the government will need to start forming new policies in areas where the EU has played a significant role to date. Among the most obvious are agriculture, environment and immigration. Under Michael Gove’s leadership, the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs developed radical policies on the first two, which it falls to his successor to implement. The EU will be looking on anxiously to see whether Britain’s future legislation on these areas signals its commitment to maintaining and enforcing the high standards that EU membership prescribes.

On immigration, however, change could be rapid. The task facing the government – devising and implementing a new, points-based immigration system – is challenging and potentially disruptive to sectors that currently depend on a steady supply of labour from the EU.

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[font size="8"]Trump’s Border Wall
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This has to be one of my favorite stories of this week or any week. In a not at all ironic or shocking twist of fate, it appears that the only thing going over the border into Mexico appears to be Trump’s border wall itself. I mean the underlying irony of it all. And that’s something that Trump doesn’t even begin to understand, is the concept of irony. This is seriously what happens when you spend a lot of money on something that looks pretty but will break the second you touch it. That’s all this border wall is designed to do – look pretty and that’s about it. Is it effective? No. Can it be cut through? Yes. Can it be tunneled under? Most definitely. Hell, it can’t even stand up to nature.

Portions of the U.S.-Mexico wall partially fell along the California border on Wednesday as the barriers crumpled under stiff inland winds, officials said.

The steel barriers that separate El Centro, east of San Diego, and the Baja California city of Mexicali fell toward the Mexican side.

"High winds had impacted a handful of panels under construction yesterday afternoon," U.S. Customs and Border Protection spokesman Ralph DeSio said in a statement to NBC News on Thursday.

"No property damage or injuries were sustained during this uncommon event while the concrete was drying and construction remains ongoing."

The 30-foot panels buckled under gusts of 40 mph. Damaged panels had been replaced by Thursday, officials said.

Seriously, Wile E. Coyote couldn't come up with a more ironic trap than this. And here’s where it gets weird, because this is the Donald J. Trump administration that we are living in. Everything gets weird and awkward. This is an era where you can’t make up the news and it is super weird. But let’s examine what’s going on with the border wall further. If you expand on this, the collapse of the border wall revealed one of the largest smuggling tunnels ever built!

As President Donald Trump continues to make the case for a wall on the United States' southern border, Mexican and US authorities are uncovering smuggling tunnels beneath it.

In a tweet Wednesday, Trump pointed to Europe while insisting border walls “have all been recognized as close to 100% successful,” even after the president was told by a Border Patrol agent while in Texas last week about the recent discovery of two drug-smuggling tunnels beneath the border there.

Also last week, Mexican federal police posted a tweet about the discovery of a smuggling tunnel under the state of Sonora's border with Arizona.

While standing 70 feet underground in the Galvez smuggling tunnel between Tijuana and San Diego, Border Patrol agent Lance Lenoir told NBC News last year that border fencing will not stop drug smugglers.

"As long as they get from point A to point B in secret, they're going to do it," Lenoir said. "They're always tunneling somewhere."

And that’s pretty much the extent of the actual effect of Trump’s wall right now. So Trump claims a lot of things about the wall – like it will stop people from coming over the border. No it wont. Hell, it can’t even stand up to the elements. The wall is even susceptible to flash floods and harsh terrain! Yes, it can be knocked down by winds. Just really, this is quite possibly insane.

President Trump's border wall probably will require the installation of hundreds of storm gates to prevent flash floods from undermining or knocking it over, gates that must be left open for months every summer during "monsoon season" in the desert, according to U.S. border officials, agents and engineers familiar with the plans.

The open, unmanned gates in remote areas already have allowed for the easy entry of smugglers and migrants into the United States.

At locations along the U.S. southern border where such gates already are in operation, Border Patrol agents must manually raise them every year before the arrival of the summer thunderstorms that convert riverbeds into raging torrents that carry massive amounts of water and debris, including sediment, rocks, tree limbs and vegetation. Trump's wall, which features 30-foot metal bollards spaced four inches apart, effectively acts as a sewer grate that traps the debris; when clogged, the barriers cannot withstand the power of the runoff.

Because the gates typically are located in isolated areas that lack electricity, they cannot be operated from afar. That requires the Border Patrol to leave the gates open for months, increasing the need for U.S. agents to monitor the sites because smugglers and other border-crossers can enter through the large gaps and ­advance northward following stream channels and narrow canyons to avoid detection.

Except it’s not the Mongolians, it’s Mother Nature! This is, like I said, this is what happens when you spend a lot of money to make something look pretty when it’s really just a cheap piece of shit. Think of it like those people who put Bentley grills on a 2006 Chrysler 300 to make it more expensive. But the bottom line is, you’re driving a 2006 Chrysler 300, Tom! You’re not fooling anyone! And speaking of expensive, crappy things, how much is this shit gonna cost?

The U.S. Customs and Border Protection reported that $11 billion has been spent to build 576 miles of a new “border wall system” since President Donald Trump took office, an overall cost approaching the price of a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier.

That report says Trump’s 576-mile border wall is expected to cost nearly $20 million per mile, which is more expensive than any other wall under construction in the world.

The Department of Homeland Security has asked the Defense Department to finance 270 additional miles of border wall that Trump claims is required to prevent drug smuggling.

If the Trump administration completes all of the wall projects it has set in motion, three-quarters of the U.S. southern border would be walled off from Mexico.

Trump inherited about 650 miles of border structures erected under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama.

Bush’s fence averaged $4 million a mile; Trump’s wall costs five times that—$20 million a mile.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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When Trump does rallies, they only show the rally. They don’t show the behind the scenes aftermath, of course they wouldn’t. He and the MAGA crowd would just attempt to pass it off as fake news. because that’s exactly what they would do if you showed the MAGA crowd the aftermath. Trump comes into cities like Wildwood, New Jersey and leaves behind a wrecking ball of destruction and trash and unpaid bills, and piles of garbage everywhere. Yeah cue Miley Cyrus… THEY CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!! I mean this is what you get when you elect a clown like Donald Trump. You get the whole damn circus that goes with him. So here’s how it originally went down in Wildwood.

President Donald Trump received a warm welcome from an enthusiastic crowd at a rally in Wildwood Tuesday night. Some people waited outside for two days for a chance to see the president.

But not all of them got in.

Many people who stood outside for up to 12 hours didn’t make it into the Wildwoods Convention Center so they watched on a big screen in the parking lot.

With each shoutout and highlight of his ambitions, President Trump drew loud cheers outside the Wildwoods Convention Center, as thousands endured the cold to watch his Keep America Great rally on the big screen.

“This is great, had a wonderful time,” one man said.

Really? And you couldn’t have done a Google search to see the hours of footage from all the other Trump barfs his brain rallies? But then it takes a turn. Like what happened when they showed the aftermath of the original Woodstock Festival kind of turn. Sure, everyone had a great time, but who cleans up the trash and gets stuck with the bill? Why it’s the city of Wildwood, New Jersey!

As the dust settled after President Donald Trump’s rally in Wildwood Jan. 28, the city and its residents were left to account for the impact the large winter crowd had on the community.

Trish Asselta started working in her family’s Wildwood business over 65 years ago, when she was 6 years old, stocking glasses.

Asselta, 72, who owns Duffinetti’s Restaurant and Lounge, located two blocks from the Wildwoods Convention Center, said it was a day unlike any other.

“I would say it was two Fourth of Julys in one day,” Asselta said. “The dining room, the bar, everyone was singing, everyone was so happy.”

Trump’s rally, held at the Convention Center, drew crowds to the winterized shore town, many of whom said they had never been to Wildwood before.

Yup, they came in like a wrecking ball all right, and they wrecked the place good! MAGA! So yeah let’s show that photo for a minute. Hold your boos…

Well on the plus side, if I’m in the market for a folding chair, I know where to go! But really, trash should probably stay in the trash. And as for a MAGA rally, like I was saying, you know who gets stuck with the bill after Trump stiffs you on trash cleanup and security? Yup, the city governments, which means you, the taxpayer, get stuck cleaning up his mess!

Donald Trump has raised record amounts of money as a presidential candidate. But he’s still left a slew of unpaid bills in his wake.

In city after city, across the nation, Trump has failed to pay local officials who provide thousands of dollars’ worth of security assistance to the president’s campaign during his Make America Great Again rallies.

In total, at least 10 cities have complained that the campaign has not reimbursed them for services provided by local police and fire departments, totaling more than $840,000, according to a study by the Center for Public Integrity in June.

Minneapolis may find itself next on the list after the president picked a fight with the city’s mayor on Tuesday.

Trump accused Mayor Jacob Frey of overcharging the arena in downtown Minneapolis for services during Trump’s rally, scheduled for Thursday night, alleging that the mayor doesn’t want the president to speak in the overwhelmingly Democratic city.

Good question! And by the way in case you are thinking that this is an isolated incident, boy you are definitely in the wrong place here. Because there was a pro-Trump rally in one of San Francisco’s most progressive neighborhoods that coincided with a rally at a women’s group. And as you can imagine, things got ugly. If you want to know where all this is headed, here’s a sneak peak . And something that I didn’t know existed – MAGA drag. Yes, that’s a thing.

Several dozen Donald Trump supporters rallied in front of the Women’s Building on 18th Street Saturday night — causing a tense and bizarre scene to unfold in the heart of one of San Francisco’s most progressive neighborhoods.

“I want everyone to know that we are going to come out as a fierce, ferocious force in 2020 and re-elect Donald Trump!” screamed Scott Presler, an organizer with #WalkAway, a group aimed at steering the LGBTQ community toward Trumpism and the Republican Party.

Many of his supporters followed by chanting: “USA! USA! USA!” as counter-protesters chanted “No Trump, no KKK, no fascist USA!” Often, demonstrators from both sides got in each other’s faces, sometimes shoving each other — though no physical fights broke out. Police stood by and, at times, had to separate people.

Presler and his group organized the demonstration in response to the Women’s Building apparently canceling a “town hall” the group scheduled for 6:30 p.m. in the auditorium. Representatives from the Women’s Building have not yet returned our inquiries, and it’s unclear if the nonprofit was aware it had scheduled a pro-Trump event.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Inside The Packers Cult
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

Football is practically a religion in some areas of the country. And then in some areas of the country, religion is defined by football. And then there’s the state of Wisconsin which takes the concept of football and religion to entirely new heights with their worship of the Green Bay Packers. The Packers are one of the only community controlled teams in the entire world, with the other team being Spain’s FC Barcelona. But what happens when they take their love of football and religion too far? Well that’s when you get this. An innocent sounding church in Green Bay, Wisconsin, run by former Packer Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, goes by the name of Straitway Truth Ministries, has much darker and more sinister after hours that go on behind the scenes. Ultimately leading up to this incident on Christmas Eve of last year.

As a former member of the Green Bay Packers, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila hadn’t been in the news much since being inducted into the Packers Hall of Fame in 2013 for his 74½ sacks during his four-year career.

Until last month.

That’s when two young men, reportedly acting on his instructions, walked into a church Christmas pageant while carrying 34 rounds of ammunition and two handguns. They never displayed the guns, never caused any kind of disturbance. But they refused to leave at the order of the school headmaster or the orders of the six Green Bay police officers who responded to the scene.

It was a Tuesday evening, Dec. 17 at the Assembly of God Church, 1460 Shawano Ave., where the private Providence Academy was putting on its annual Christmas pageant.

Jordan Salmi, 24, of Onalaska, and Ryan Desmith, 22, of Friendship, were arrested that night. They are charged in Brown County Circuit Court with misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct and carrying concealed weapons. Desmith is also charged with obstructing officers.

Gbaja-Biamila was there, but he was not arrested or charged.

This incident raises many questions – like who was there? And who knew about the incident ahead of time? And also, what kind of fellowship ministry racks up enough weapons and ammo to take out a small army? Well, apparently Gbaja-Biamila has some friends who are very high ranking members of the church that may or may not have racked up all these weapons and ammo that were carried into the Christmas Eve pageant.

Two men described as followers of former Green Bay Packer Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila made a contentious appearance in court Tuesday in connection to an incident at a Green Bay church.

Ryan DeSmith, 22, and Jordan Salmi, 24 made initial appearances in front of Court Commissioner Cynthia Vopal in Brown County.

Both men are charged with Carrying a Concealed Weapon, Resisting or Obstructing an Officer, and Disorderly Conduct. They were arrested Dec. 17 after showing up armed with loaded pistols to a Christmas pageant at Assembly of God Church. KGB, a Hewbrew Israelite, says he does not approve of his children being in a Christmas pageant. CLICK HERE for details from criminal complaints filed against Salmi and DeSmith.

DeSmith was called before the commissioner first. He did not have an attorney. He refused to answer the commissioner's questions.

So is Straitway Truth Ministries a Christian church, a fellowship, or is it a scary Doomsday Prepper cult with apocalyptic end times fantasies? It could be one, it could be another, or it could be a combination of all of the above. But the cryptic language that Gbaja-Biamila has been using, and the fact that he’s refusing to cooperate with authorities, is nothing new. In fact this could be a symptom of a much larger problem.

“i man known as (Muhammed-Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila) am in the state of ‘man’ now: past: forthwith,” the handwritten note filed with the Brown County Clerk of Court reads in part. “Not a Defendant: Respondant all benefits: maybe: waived by i.”

If you were the judge in the former Packers player’s divorce proceeding and received that note, you might be more than a little puzzled about what you were being asked to do.

But the peculiar language that Gbaja-Biamila and his associates have been using to baffle the Brown County court system and confuse the public in recent months is straight out of the “sovereign citizen” playbook born out of the white supremacist movement of the 1960s and 1970s, according to an expert in the subject.

Gbaja-Biamila's associates, or “brothers,” as he refers to them, have filed equally cryptic documents in Brown County Circuit Court, where they are accused of carrying concealed firearms into a children’s Christmas pageant put on by Providence Academy, a Christian school that three of Gbaja-Biamila's children attend.

Yeah probably not. But here is where the story simply gets weird. Not only are there reports that a Tennessee branch of this church is supporting them (Ed. Note: A subscription service was preventing us from posting that article) , but he actually went on Youtube to describe his role in the incident in the week following. Not only does this raise more questions than answers, but why go on Youtube to do this? Why not?

Former Packers player Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila was nearly arrested — and two of his friends were arrested — Tuesday night in an incident that apparently arose from a family dispute over religious differences.

The incident happened about 6:15 p.m. Tuesday when Jordan Salmi, 24,and Ryan Desmith, 22, showed up at Assembly of God Church, 1460 Shawano Ave., which was hosting a Christmas pageant being put on by the private Providence Academy, according to Capt. Kevin Warych of the Green Bay Police Department.

“The officers responded to that church for a report of a trespassing complaint,” Warych said. “They came into contact with staff, who reported two individuals who were asked to leave but weren’t leaving….When the officers made contact with the two individuals, the officers tried to convince them to leave, but they did not. They were subsequently arrested for trespassing.”

Both were found to be carrying concealed weapons but had no permits, Warych said.

Yeah probably. That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Tallahassee! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know we love to talk shit on Liberty University here, and they quite frankly deserve every bit of it. For they are controlled by a very foul and evil supporter of the unholy Dark One, whose name shall *NOT* be mentioned in my church! And does it not say in our Good Book that greed is evil, and those who partake in the greed shall be punished by GAWD? Yes, our GAWD works both ways, does he not? But not the GAWD that Mr. Falwell chooses to worship, because his GAWD chooses greed and fear, and those are things that do not sit well in my church. But his Vexit plan is quite possibly insane. And here’s more.

West Virginia became its own state in 1863 in the middle of the Civil War.

Creation of the West Virginia/Virginia border required multiple elections, including a decision by President Lincoln to override objections by half of his cabinet, and a Supreme Court decision validating an irregular election. In the end, 50 counties would be incorporated into a new state, and 99 counties would be left behind in the remnant of Virginia.

West Virginia is the only state to be formed by seceding from a Confederate state.

Some Virginia border counties were given the choice to become part of the new state if their residents approved. Berkeley and Jefferson counties gave their nod, siding with the Union.

West Virginia is the only state to be formed by seceding from a Confederate state.

Some Virginia border counties were given the choice to become part of the new state if their residents approved. Berkeley and Jefferson counties gave their nod, siding with the Union.

So that’s it? You don’t like someone you think you can just pack up and leave? Well that doesn’t work in our Good Book, does it not? Can I get an amen??? Well in our Good Book it says to love your fellow man, and you should do that, rather than just secede and go somewhere else! We preach love and tolerance in my church, and not hate and division! And it’s all over your guns? Is that it?

“Folks who are concerned with our 2nd Amendment rights are probably the most motivated, the most mobilized, and the most afraid of what plans our Governor and legislature have," Boyer said. “This is not a show, this is not politicians talking. This is the voice of old Virginia.”

The idea for a Vexit has also been backed by Liberty University President Jerry Falwell, Jr. and West Virginia Governor Jim Justice.

“Even if it doesn’t completely succeed, it will send a clear message," Falwell said regarding a possible Vexit in a news conference with Justice last week.

Boyer handed out thousands of Vexit fliers during the gun show, but some attendees such as Stephen Smith were not convinced that it is a realistic possibility. However, Smith said he is not surprised the rhetoric has reached this point, considering the power struggle concerning the Second Amendment in Virginia.

“The majority of counties in Virginia showed that they want their rights. I believe in our Second Amendment rights wholeheartedly, and I think our government is losing control of that," Smith said. “If the answer is this, then so be it. Obviously I’m a Virginian, and I’d like to stay a Virginian, but it’s got to be the right way.”


So what are the benefits? What do people expect to gain out of this ungodly and insane plan? Well there’s really only just one person who stands to benefit from this. But let’s sell it under the cause of your gun rights are being taken away. Because I’m sure that’s what the Good LAWRD JAYSUS would want, am I not wrong? Oh no, it’s the opposite of what he would have wanted!

"If you're not truly happy where you are," Justice said during the news conference, "we stand with open arms to take you from Virginia or anywhere else you may be."

"While there will likely be a robust debate about how cities and counties could leave their home state of Virginia, one thing is absolutely certain," Falwell said. "Many counties are taking a long, hard look at escaping the barbaric, totalitarian and corrupt Democratic regime in Richmond that is trampling on individual rights in the state."

Falwell cited a number of issues, including abortion, gun rights, environmental regulations and a budget proposal that would eliminate tuition assistance for students in online programs at private colleges, including Liberty University.

Tuesday afternoon, a spokesperson for Governor Ralph Northam offered a brief response:

"Sounds like it's an election year in West Virginia."

And, "As always, Jerry Falwell's words speak for themselves."

Really, Governor? That’s your best statement? They’re threatening to take whole precincts away from you and Falwell’s words speak for themselves? Falwell is what one might call a “snake oil salesman” – he preaches nothing but a product that doesn’t really exist. He, and only he, will benefit from this proposed atrocity!

In a partnership that befits our deeply stupid time, Governor Jim Justice of West Virginia has teamed up with Jerry Falwell Jr., Liberty University president and Florida hotelier, to advance a new project. Both men have come out in support of Vexit, an effort to expand the state of West Virginia by convincing some parts of Virginia to secede. According to Justice, Virginians unhappy with their Democratic state government ought to join their counties to West Virginia, where the GOP still holds sway. “If you are out there, no matter where you may be, Virginia or wherever you may be, as an individual or as a business or whatever, West Virginia is waiting for you with open arms,” he said. A charming proposal!

Falwell, meanwhile, mostly seems concerned about his university’s bottom line. In his remarks, he singled out a legislative proposal that would, in his words, end public aid to “thousands of online students attending private colleges, while increasing aid for more affluent resident students.” As Religion News Service noted in a piece on the press conference, online students make up a massive portion of Liberty’s overall student body, and a reduction to their numbers would have significant financial consequences for the university, and for Falwell himself.

Obviously, there is a lot going on here, and it is all bad. As a product of southwestern Virginia, I do not regard our brothers and sisters across the border with any sort of hostility. West Virginia is a beautiful state with a proud history of militant labor action — a lot to celebrate! But Vexit itself is best understood as the symptom of a broader reactionary backlash to Virginia’s new status as a blue state. I’ll explain:

So what did we learn this week? We learned that Jerry Falwell Jr is a man that is more concerned with his own business that he will literally shake up the border in Virginia, and pander to the gun nuts to get it. And that is not what our good LAWRD JAYSUS would want, that sounds like something that Satan would want. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: TMZ & Kobe
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No matter where you were last Sunday, everyone will remember where they were when they heard the news that LA Lakers legend Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and seven others were killed in that devastating helicopter crash in Calabasas, California. Me personally? I was in the bathroom and the news alert came up on my phone. I’m just saying it happens. That aside, one man who is getting a lot of shit for reporting the news is Harvey Levin, who is of course the president of everyone’s favorite celebrity tabloid trash TV outlet TMZ. But the question is – how the hell did TMZ get a hold of the news about the helicopter crash before the entire world knew about it?

“We got a tip that this had happened…it was from somebody who would have been in a position to know this and it wasn’t enough for me or for the team, so we worked for a solid hour after making a slew of phone calls, Levin told FOX 11 anchor Elex Michaelson.

“I was personally on the phone with various people in Kobe’s camp and I got it confirmed by them and we posted the story.”

During a press briefing following the crash, Los Angeles County Sheriff Alex Villanueva criticized TMZ for posting the story before the families of some victims were notified.

Levin defended TMZ's decision making process.“The issue is…how long do you hold it?

As far as I could see, the Sheriff just identified Kobe in the news conference yesterday…” he said. Levin compared it to a TV network reporting on the crash of an airplane.

Ah, now *THIS* is a quid pro quo situation! And I like how non-chalant Harvey is with his suggestion that he “got a tip”. It’s kind of like the Youtube comments section of a popular video when someone just posts “FIRST!!!!” and then leaves, but not before said poster gets bombarded with a million comments that follow and point out that they weren't actually the first poster because there were 15 other comments that were posted 3 minutes after the actual video was posted. Yeah you probably got there before anyone else, but then again just because you could do it doesn’t mean you should. But is anyone really shocked that TMZ got this information that quickly? Even the Chicago PD couldn’t put out a press release that fast!

Interim Chicago Police Supt. Charlie Beck said he didn’t blink an eye when TMZ reported that Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter had been killed in a helicopter crash before Bryant’s wife and three surviving daughters had been notified.

It was par for the course in the celebrity-driven frenzy that Beck said he endured for 41 years in his rise to the top of the Los Angeles Police Department.

“If you put your hand in a rattlesnake’s cage, it bites you. Don’t blame the rattlesnake. That’s just the way they are,” Beck said.

“I went through Camp O.J. I can’t even explain that to you,” Beck said, referring to O.J Simpson’s arrest for the murders of his wife, Nicole, and her friend, Ronald Goldman, that culminated in the celebrity trial of the century and a controversial acquittal.

“The world-wide crush of media across the street from the courthouse during the trial was incredible....Nobody had ever seen that before. I mean - satellite trucks lined up as far as you can see and reporters just going insane for any O.J. news.”

Seriously, even the guy who was OJ’s arresting officer isn’t surprised that celebrity tabloid journalism gets it first. But come on this is one that is definitely on TMZ here. But at least per the LA County Sheriff office, was it disrespectful of TMZ to do what they did? Was this the work of reporters just doing their jobs or was it the equivalent of the guy on Youtube who posts “FIRST!!!” on a popular channel?

At 2:24 p.m. ET, TMZ posted the story that stunned the world on Sunday: Basketball legend Kobe Bryant, at the age of 41, had died in a California helicopter crash.
The tectonic news, which the celebrity-gossip website was first to report, swept the nation as other news organizations quickly confirmed the story.

It also upset police who suggested the speed in which TMZ had reported the news -- a little more than an hour after police said they received reports of a downed aircraft -- outpaced that of officers who were seeking to notify the family members of victims.

During a press conference, Los Angeles County Sheriff Alex Villanueva took a swipe at the website when explaining to reporters why he would not yet confirm the identities of those who were aboard the helicopter when it crashed.

"It would be extremely disrespectful to understand that your loved one ... perished and you learn about it from TMZ," Villanueva said. "That is just wholly inappropriate."

That is a good point sir! But who really was alerted first? Was it the LAPD? Was it the FAA? Was it Kobe’s family? We may never know because there’s so many conflicting reports out there. Seriously, it’s Kobe Bryant, the guy was a legend. And it’s so weird that we’re talking about him in past tense because it happened so suddenly. But does TMZ really need to be cancelled for it? Really?

A Change.org petition is calling on Fox Television Stations to cancel TMZ in the wake of the tragic helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna and seven others.

"Basketball legend Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna died in a horrific helicopter crash, and TMZ LEAKED the news before the authorities were even able to notify the family," the petition reads. "That means that Vanessa Bryant found out about the death of her husband and child through TMZ, tweets, or comments."

The petition, called "IT'S TIME FOR FOX TO CANCEL TMZ AFTER WHAT THEY DID TO KOBE BRYANT'S FAMILY", says TMZ's actions were "beyond not ok" and hopes to "get TMZ taken down once and for all."

At a Sunday news conference after the crash, Los Angeles Sheriff Alex Villanueva said it would be "inappropriate" to identify the crash victims before the coroner made the identification to next of kin.

"It'd be extremely disrespectful to understand that your loved one was perished and you learned about it from TMZ," said Villanueva. "That is just wholly inappropriate, so we're not gonna be going there. We're gonna wait until the coroner does their job."

No calm down, nobody is cancelling anybody yet. But let this be a lesson of how fast news travels in the social media age. The crash happened at approximately 9:00 AM last Sunday. In that half an hour, the police were able to identify who it was, and TMZ got it out there before Kobe’s family was notified of what happened. And no, TMZ is *NOT* where I want to get my news from when something this horrible happens. Thank you.

Los Angeles County Sheriff Alex Villanueva appeared to take aim at celebrity news outlet TMZ in the wake of Kobe Bryant’s fatal helicopter crash, hinting that the news outlet rushed to publish the story before next of kin had been notified.

Villanueva released a statement on Sunday afternoon in the aftermath of the crash in Calabasas that claimed the life of the NBA legend, his 13-year-old daughter, and seven other people. Names of those killed in the crash had not been fully released, though it was confirmed that one on board was Orange Coast baseball coach John Altobelli.

In the statement, Villanueva said that the flight manifest showed that there were a total of nine people on board, including the pilot and eight passengers, but he said he would not confirm the identities until families of those killed had been notified. He called out TMZ by name in the statement.

“It would be extremely disrespectful to understand that your loved one has perished and you learn about it from TMZ. That is just wholly inappropriate so we’re not going to be going there,” he said.

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna die!!! Woooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Woooooooo!! Wooo. Woo. Yeah it’s not really that exciting because the latest insanity surrounding the Corona Virus coming from the Wuhan region of China just won’t stop. And the World Health Organization definitely isn’t easing our fears into the latest super virus. But first off, let’s cut through some of the bullshit. Yes, the disease can be passed from person to person. But can you pass it to your pets and vice versa? The answer is a definite no!! Come on, people have at least seen the Wes Anderson flick Isle Of Dogs, am I right? No?

Research shows that lots of animals are vulnerable to coronavirus, a large, hardy and sprawling family of pathogens. Birds get avian coronavirus. Pigs get porcine coronavirus. Cows get bovine coronavirus. Horses get equine coronavirus

Dogs are sickened by canine coronavirus disease. It’s a quick but miserable disease, causing diarrhea, vomiting and intestinal distress. It spreads through feces, when your pup eats poop.

Dogs can also be infected by a respiratory form of coronavirus, which causes coughs, sneezes and mobs of mucus.

When cats get coronaviruses, it’s usually not a big deal. They may suffer flu-like symptoms or feel perfectly fine. But every so often, in 5 to 10% of infected cats, the virus mutates and causes Feline Infectious Peritonitis — which is progressive and almost always fatal. It’s a heartbreaking disease, usually striking kittens.

To be sure, viruses don’t respect species boundaries.

Calm down dude, we’re not gonna die, at least not yet. But that’s what happens when you have a population that doesn’t understand basic science and genetics. Why aren’t those things taught in schools? If only there were someone we could ask about that sort of thing. But the real danger here is cruise ships. Yes, cruise ships. If you’ve been on a cruise ship in the last couple of months you might want to get yourself tested.

Shares of Carnival (CCL) - Get Report dropped Monday after the cruise line confirmed that a former passenger has been confirmed to have contracted the coronavirus.

The Diamond Princess cruise ship was being held by Japanese authorities under quarantine at anchor in Yokohama following Japanese news reports that an 80-year old male passenger from Hong Kong boarded the ship in Yokohama on Jan. 20 and disembarked on Jan. 25.

The passenger developed a cough the day before embarking but didn't develop a fever until Jan. 30. A day later, he was confirmed to have the virus while in Hong Kong, according to reports.

"Prioritizing the safety and health of our passengers and crew on board, we are currently working closely with the Japanese health authorities to assist in the inspection," Princess said in a statement.

Last week, Carnival got a boost after the company received the all-clear from Italian health authorities that a passenger on one of its cruise ships tested negative for the deadly coronavirus.

Yeah probably. Especially if you live in my home state of California, where a whopping 3 new cases of the virus have been confirmed. Yes, there have been over 17,000 cases confirmed. And three of them are in California. Really, are you people fucking crazy?? You currently have better odds of winning the lottery than you do of catching the Corona Virus.

Three more cases of the new coronavirus were confirmed in the U.S. on Sunday, all in California, bringing the total number of people in the country with the disease to 11. The weekend also saw the first death blamed on the flu-like illness outside of China.

As of Monday morning there were at least 17,205 confirmed cases in more than two dozen countries, the vast majority of them in China, according to the World Health Organization. There have been 361 deaths, all of them in China except for one confirmed in the Philippines over the weekend.

U.S. officials declared a public health emergency last week and, as a result, foreign nationals who have traveled to China in the last two weeks and aren't immediate family members of U.S. citizens or permanent residents will be temporarily banned from entering the U.S. Under the orders of Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar, anyone entering the U.S. who has been in China's Hubei province in the last two weeks will be subject to a two-week quarantine.

The first 195 Americans evacuated from Wuhan, the epicenter of the outbreak, are under federal quarantine and will remain at a military base in Southern California until mid-February. The government hasn't issued such a quarantine order in more than 50 years.

Hey, again, I said probably! And by the way in case you’re wondering if we live in a period of slow news or not, let’s look to New York, where the insanity is so intense that this was actually a headline. This was in the news! If you’re in New York, you can rest assured that as of this week, there are *NO* confirmed cases of the Corona Virus. But that’s as of this week. Sleep tight everybody!!

Of those 12 suspected cases of coronavirus that New York has seen so far, 11 tests have come back negative.

Governor Andrew Cuomo said one more sample from New York City needs to have results come back from the CDC, but otherwise there are no confirmed cases in the state.

A state website and phone hotline have been established to address concerns and questions about coronavirus. The phone number is 888-364-3065.

International travelers from China are being screened upon arrival from the airport, as of Sunday evening.

Symptoms of the novel coronavirus are similar to the flu, and include a cough, sore throat, and fever.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And as such whenever we visit the great state of Florida, we have to do a special all Florida man edition of People Are Dumb. Look, Florida, we kid. But you do bring the crazy extra hard. And before we get into this, I want to give a shout out to the @Floridaman_ Twitter feed that really just goes beyond to keep track of all the crazy happening in the Sunshine State. Let’s start with this story out of Miami. Sigh here’s the thing people, we may hate Trump here and everything that he stands for. But let’s condone any acts of violence against him or his properties or the people in them. That said, this story has some of everything that makes Florida insane and weird.
A Connecticut woman chastised for dancing on her car at a Palm Beach hotel late Friday morning ended up driving away and crashing her vehicle through two security barricades outside Mar-a-Lago, President Donald Trump’s private club and home, drawing gunfire from law enforcement officers, before leading a police helicopter on a chase that ended in her arrest.

Hannah Roemhild, 30, a trained opera singer, is now in the custody of the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office.

“This is not a terrorist thing,” Palm Beach Sheriff Ric Bradshaw said at a Friday afternoon news conference. “This is somebody that obviously was impaired somehow.”

Roemhild could face charges for assault on both federal and county law enforcement officers, Bradshaw said. No one was injured, although the situation might have easily ended differently, officials indicated.

Trump was not at Mar-a-Lago at the time, but he was expected to arrive at the club Friday evening. The White House said the fracas would not disrupt the president’s travel plans.

That’s right, Dude! Next up, we go to the city of Orlando for this one. And here’s the thing, if you don’t have anything creative to write when you’re hammered and you’ve got a can of spray paint, maybe the best thing to do is just walk away. But not for this guy who painted – I shit you not – the word “slur” on the bathroom wall. This is a thing that happened!

A Florida man who spray painted the word "slur" in a bar bathroom was found with spray cans still in his backpack, according to the Melbourne Police Department.

Police said a witness saw Paul Scott, 24, walk into the men's restroom at Mugs Pub Sunday night with his backpack and when he left, there was wet pink paint on the wall that read, "slur."

When police approached Scott, they said he initially told them he had been in the bar for about 15 minutes and during that time, he had one beer before an employee asked him to leave.

According to authorities, they could hear the sound of aluminum cans coming from Scott's backpack and when they searched it, they found spray paint bottles, and an empty bottle that was still wet, in the same shade of pink as the graffiti inside the restroom.

Next up, we’re going to stay in the city of Orlando – what’s up with Orlando this week? They’re taking double doses of crazy pills! Anyway, I don’t know much about boating, nor will I claim to know anything about boating, but I’m pretty sure this is not how the gas tank on a boat is supposed to operate. But it’s also probably best not to get the fire department involved in your own stupidity as well.

Mistakenly inserting a fuel nozzle into a fishing pole slot, a Florida man pumped $60 worth of gasoline onto the deck of his boat and the ground of a gas station, fire rescue officials said.

The incident happened Monday in the Orlando area, Orange County Fire Rescue spokesman Mike Jachles said on Twitter.

The gas flowed from the fishing pole hole and onto the deck of the 24-foot (7.3 meters) boat. The 31-year-old man realized his mistake and quit pumping.

As he tried to clean up the mess, the gasoline began leaking from the boat onto the ground at the 7-Eleven store. He told personnel and then called the fire department's non-emergency number, Jachles said.

A technical rescue team siphoned the gas from the boat and cleaned up. The situation was described as a “level 3 hazmat,” meaning the potential of hazard was high, Jachles said.

Unless of course you have it inserted in the wrong hole. Yes, thank you sir! That’s what she said! Finally – we go to South Florida and the city of Fort Lauderdale for this one. So we’ve all been the victims of credit and debit card fraud at some point. Because there’s a lot of sleazebags out there to get their hands on your data. But this next story asks a lot of questions, namely, how does one spend $68 at Little Caesars?

A Florida man has been accused of using a Marshfield woman's debit card to purchase $68 in Little Caesar's pizza.

According to to a Marshfield Police Department police report, Elle Wolf of Marshfield had a transaction on her bank statement from a Fort Lauderdale, Florida Little Caesar's location without her consent.

The report says the unidentified Florida man purchased one bacon wrapped deep dish pizza, three stuffed crust pizzas, and three orders of Caesar wings and had delivered to his address via Door Dash.

The charge of $68.80 currently has a process hold on the charge at Wolf's financial institution.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep. 22: The Iowa Caucuses
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Welcome back to our 2020 voters’ guide Keeping Up With The Candidates! Yes, in this guide we keep all of the news, candidates, issues and polls into one handy place! Last week, we contemplated controversial podcaster Joe Rogan’s endorsement of Bernie Sanders. This week, the Iowa Caucuses are underway! And who won the Iowa Caucuses? The correct answer is that nobody really knows. It’s absolute chaos down there in Des Moines. As of right now – it’s Wednesday at 2:00 PM, yeah it’s still polling at 0%. Bernie’s camp is saying that he won, Mayor Pete’s camp is saying that he won, it could be anyone’s game at this point. So what gives, Iowa? You had one job!

As Monday turned into Tuesday, there was no victor in Iowa. There weren't even any official results. As the campaigns came to learn, the Iowa Democratic Party (IDP) found "inconsistencies" in reporting the three sets of results it promised to deliver. The information was to come from precinct captains, who were to report it through a newly developed app.

But they ran into trouble as caucuses finished, and a backup option to report results over the phone ran into its own issues. When CBS News attempted to call the Iowa Democratic Party Caucus Hotline, a recorded message said, "Thank you for calling the Iowa Democratic Party's Caucus Hotline. All of our operators are currently busy. Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. We look forward to talking to you soon," before playing hold music.

One precinct captain who was trying to report his results was on hold for an hour and had apparently just gotten through to the IDP — with CNN listening as he was about to report his results — when the party hung up on him on live television.

This wasn't an isolated incident.

"I was on hold for 40 minutes at my precinct. I gave up and hung up and returned to our HQ," said Black Hawk County Vice Chair Nate Guber.

You tell ‘em, Loki! So the fact of the matter is that Iowa reigns in chaos right now and the master of disaster Donald J. Trump rakes in 97% of the republican vote, which is still dwindling in numbers even as we speak. And don’t vote by a fucking app on your smart phone, people. There’s some things that just should not be done by phone, and voting is one of them! Talk about phoning it in, literally in this case!

Is the Iowa caucus dead?

The nation's first contest in presidential elections, the Iowa caucus, has long drawn floods of campaign staff and media attention as political parties try to winnow out their primary field. But the non-result for Democrats on Monday drew questions whether the Hawkeye state should be first to vote.

"This fiasco means the end of the caucuses as a significant American political event. The rest of the country was already losing patience with Iowa anyway and this cooks Iowa's goose. Frankly, it should," David Yepsen, a famed and former Des Moines Register columnist told Politico.

Monday's Democratic caucus was fraught with chaos as the Iowa Democratic Party delayed releasing official results due to widespread reporting problems amid new rules and a new app.

"We found inconsistencies in the reporting of three sets of results," Mandy McClure, communications director for the state party, said in the statement.

Yes, literally one job! And people wonder what the hell is going on with the opposition to Donald J. Trump? Well here’s the thing – if you’re going to vote by a smartphone app, you’re gonna get hacked, I’m just saying it happens. And it doesn’t take a doctorate in IT to figure that one out! So how could this have happened? Well, here’s the thing – DON’T VOTE BY APP!!! It’s that fucking simple. If it sounds like a bad idea it probably is!

The app that the Iowa Democratic Party commissioned to tabulate and report results from the caucuses on Monday was not properly tested at a statewide scale, said people who were briefed on the app by the state party.

It was quickly put together in just the past two months, said the people, some of whom asked to remain anonymous because they were not authorized to speak publicly.

And the party decided to use the app only after another proposal for reporting votes — which entailed having caucus participants call in their votes over the phone — was abandoned, on the advice of Democratic National Committee officials, according to David Jefferson, a board member of Verified Voting, a nonpartisan election integrity organization.

Late Monday night, that chain of events came to a head when results from the Iowa caucuses were significantly delayed. While vote counts in the past have typically been reported earlier in the evening, the Iowa Democratic Party held a conference call with representatives from each campaign at around 10:30 p.m. Eastern time to tell them that roughly 35 percent of precincts had reported, but that it would provide no other details about the results.

A spokeswoman for the state party issued a statement late Monday denying that the delays were the result of the new app’s failure.

So with that disaster in mind, who really won Iowa? Well it’s hard to say especially when they’re moving onto Nevada, and with 0% of the vote in, there’s well, every candidate saying that they won the election, but none have been more vocal about it than Mayor Pete Buttigieg, you know, our good friend from South Bend, Indiana. Yeah, I think you might want to wait until we actually have a vote tallied there, Mayor Pete.

Pete Buttigieg plowed ahead Tuesday with his claims of victory in the Iowa caucuses despite no reporting of results from the state Democratic Party, as he blitzed the morning shows to try to solidify the narrative that he was the clear winner.

In a memo released early Tuesday morning, Buttigieg’s campaign shared its unverified internal data from more than 1,200 precincts.

“It was an extraordinary night, and we are absolutely victorious coming into New Hampshire,” Buttigieg said in an interview on “CBS This Morning.”

“We have the results from our organization, and if you look at what we were able to do, what happened last night, the fact that this campaign was able to gather support in urban, suburban and rural areas alike, in counties that Hillary Clinton won, counties that Donald Trump won, we are thrilled and absolutely consider that a victory,” he added.

Buttigieg’s certainty, however, comes at a moment of uncertainty for the entire Democratic presidential field, which left Iowa with no official indication from the state party of who won the caucuses.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Next week, assuming that we sort through this madness, we will tell you the results of the Nevada poll, or we might tell you that voting by app is a bad idea. But probably some of both.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]The Dirty Heads[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a really awesome reggae band from Newport Beach, CA, you can see them at the One Love Festival at the Queen Mary on Feb 7th. Playing their song “Fear And Love” from their album “Super Moon”, give it up for the Dirty Heads!

Thank you Tallahassee! This was fun! We are off to Nashville, next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: University Of Central Florida, Tallahassee, FL
Special Thanks To: UCF
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UCF Choir Club, Tallahassee, FL
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