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(46,464 posts)
Fri Nov 29, 2019, 12:22 PM Nov 2019

I am heartbroken about my friend. [View all]

Exactly one month ago, he was involved in a head-on car collision, sustaining a broken neck, a concussion, and shoulder injury.

His spinal cord miraculously was not damaged. He can walk, think, speak, move all four extremities, breathe independently. He had successful surgery to align and position his neck and head.

However, his recovery is dependent upon his family and that is not optimal.

He is 72 and his wife is 68 and she dominates him emotionally and psychologically. That has been the basis of their marriage but it has not been determining until now. She browbeat him until he agreed to prematurely leave his rehabilitation where he was receiving physical therapy for three weeks and where he was making good progress. He echoed her pronouncements that the room was too small, feeding his claustrophobic feelings. The reason she wanted him to leave: so she could attend their daughter's Thanksgiving dinner 3 hours away in Pennsylvania.

And so he agreed to be driven with a newly repaired and still healing broken neck for three hours during (arguably) the most dangerous time to be out on the road (greater risk of accidents) with a woman who drives with her left foot due to having a drop foot. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, they made it safely to the daughter's home. And you figure, well, the daughter is a physical therapist. Good, right? Nope. Daughter was preoccupied with feeling extended family of 12, understandable. My friend has not received physical therapy for four days now. No prospect of getting it as of today.

I spoke to his sister who attended yesterday's Dinner. He was stuck in a corner and ignored by everybody. His two children, his grandchildren, his in-laws, his wife. Neglected and ignored. He only got food when his BIL prepared a plate for him. The irony: he told me he wanted to go to Thanksgiving so that he could enjoy the company of his family. It didn't exactly work out that way.

He lacks the personality and the will to protest. He is meek and accommodating. I understand that it's his decision on one hand to submit to this situation. But he deserves more, better. He is an accident victim and one would think that at least a fuss and true thanksgiving of his survival would be made.

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I am heartbroken about my friend. [View all] no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 OP
Poor fellow TEB Nov 2019 #1
poor man, my heart goes out to him. Elder abuse. trueblue2007 Nov 2019 #24
Hoepfully you can step in where his family fails him Kaleva Nov 2019 #2
I am doing that. He does appreciate my support. no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #3
Sounds like you are a good friend captain queeg Nov 2019 #7
He couldn't ask for a better friend. Kaleva Nov 2019 #18
I am so sorry... handmade34 Nov 2019 #4
Thank you. I feel so helpless. no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #5
That's sad. The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2019 #6
Irony: Wife and I are on friendly terms, but she LIES, not just to me, but to everyone. no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #8
I would contact them either way. LakeArenal Nov 2019 #10
So very sad for your friend SonofDonald Nov 2019 #9
Perhaps you should file an Elder Abuse complaint against his wife. catbyte Nov 2019 #11
+100000 Celerity Nov 2019 #37
Is it possible your worries are only partly justified? Croney Nov 2019 #12
I think my breaking point is the fact that he was pushed aside and ignored. no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #13
So, his sister is your only source of information? Croney Nov 2019 #14
Please focus: elderly man recovering from a recent severe car accident with a broken neck. no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #16
You said: defacto7 Nov 2019 #34
My dad was married to a woman like that. Canoe52 Nov 2019 #15
Maybe you could offer to drive him to physical therapy if his wife won't. Liberty Belle Nov 2019 #17
Good luck DENVERPOPS Nov 2019 #22
There's Faux pas Nov 2019 #19
Thank you. I think my heartbreak is realizing there are limits to friendship when no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #20
Any family who really cares Faux pas Nov 2019 #25
Don't I know it!! ChildOfTheFort Nov 2019 #21
Welcome to DU CotF. no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #23
Lol too bad Faux pas Nov 2019 #26
What about Medicare? FarPoint Nov 2019 #27
As a mandated reporter, I'm glad I don't know where he is bluedye33139 Nov 2019 #28
I call it abuse of personality and have dealt with that all my life. KY_EnviroGuy Nov 2019 #29
Thank you for your inspirational and educational words. no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #30
I hope you can get some private time with him where... KY_EnviroGuy Nov 2019 #33
He should talk about changing his beneficiaries. Turbineguy Nov 2019 #31
Has been hard for me over the years learning that personality flaws don't quit for health crises. Mersky Nov 2019 #32
Your friend is lucky to have you Blecht Nov 2019 #35
more proof to me that family is way overrated Skittles Nov 2019 #36
Postscript no_hypocrisy Nov 2019 #38
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