HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Top 10 Conservative Idiot...

Wed Jun 12, 2019, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7-1: God Save Our Noble President Man Baby Edition [View all]

Last edited Mon Jul 1, 2019, 01:09 PM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7-1: God Save Our Noble President Man Baby Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! We are back! We are baaaaaaaaaaack! What’s up El Paso? You guys doing fucking good? I hope everyone had a good start to their summer! What? You mean it’s already been summer here since March? Seriously? Damn and I thought the rain season in California went on way too long. It is fucking hot out there, I will give you that, but of course it’s never the right time to talk about climate change. No, I’m not congratulating the Boston Bruins on winning the Stanley Cup. No. Make me. Boston has won every fucking championship ever in the last 15 years and the last thing they need is another one. No, make me again. I’m having a sit in. What? This makes the douchebag fans even more douchebaggy. I mean they are even fighting among themselves! Watch this clip!

Yeah I mean come on do we really want to give these drunk, crazy douchebags an excuse to be even crazier drunk douchebags? I know I don’t! And speaking of fighting, allow me to segue into this next topic. I mean does anyone else really want to see Tom Cruise go full Les Grossman and just beat the living ass out of Justin Bieber? Shit, if this fight were to go down I would actually pay the $49.99 to watch it on PPV. And if anyone knows what it’s like to be punched in the face it’s Tom Cruise – I mean if you’ve seen any of the Mission Impossible movies, you know that dude can take a punch in the face or two. I don’t think Beiber would last two rounds. And hey if Beiber really wanted to put up a fight, why don’t we put him in the nosebleed section of a Bruins game? At least then Beiber might have a fighting chance! Hey o!!! OK enough of the intro this week, we have a lot of idiocy to get to but first John Oliver is back and he delves into the history of the Equal Rights Amendment:

Wow, it’s been quite the last two weeks since we last saw you guys! As always whenever the Top 10 takes an extended break, we like to catch up on stuff we missed (1) and there was quite a lot of it so bare with us as we power through it. In the second slot this week is the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump (2) and he had quite the week last week including his trip to England and his disastrous trip to Normandy – yeah a guy who didn’t serve lecturing us about supporting the troops is like a guy who doesn’t drink selling us vodka. Oh wait. In the third slot this week is also Donald Trump (3) and we have to break down his absolutely BONKERS interview on the Piers Morgan show, and really he went full Tracy Jordan on this one. In the 4th slot, sigh… there was another mass shooting while we were off, this time in Virginia Beach, and since the White House says it’s never the right time to talk about gun control ( ), we’re going to show you stories of good guys with guns (4) and we’ve got some good ones! In the number 5 slot this week is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week we’re going to take a look at what’s going on at Mt. Everest. Yeah, climbing to the top of the world’s tallest mountain is one of the coolest things a person can do, but is it worth dying for? No! At slot number 6 is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and our resident pastor is back from vacation and he lived like a televangelist, because frequent flyer miles are for godless heathens! In the 7th slot this week is “Beating A Dead Horse” and June is Pride month, honoring our LGBT brothers and sisters worldwide, but do we really need a Straight Pride Parade? Hell no!!! And there’s some real winners supporting this idea. Taking the number 8 slot this week, we have a new “How Is This Still A Thing?” and while Youtube is cracking down on the worst offenders including neo Nazis, white supremacists, and white nationalists, somehow Christian “comedian” Steven Crowder’s channel is still allowed to exist, and we’re going to ask how that’s a thing. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is “I Need A Drink” (9) and this week we’re going to get drunk and tell you about a new start up company that hopes to revolutionize consumer travel by… pogo stick. Yeah no, that is a disaster waiting to happen. And finally this week since we’re touring the great state of Texas, we thought it would be fun to really explore and find out why people either really love or really hate the Lone Star State in the first of a 5 part series “What’s Up With Texas” (10) and this week we’ve got a doozy of a story to report! Plus we’re going to close with some live music from our good friends Blink 182, who are celebrating the 20th anniversary of their classic album Enema Of The State! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Catch Up On Stuff We Missed
[br] [/font]

We took two weeks off. And we should never do that because we live in a world where literally batshit fucking crazy stuff happens on an almost minute by minute basis. So two weeks of time is a long break between when the last Top 10 happened and the current Top 10 happened. Where do we even begin to tackle what has happened? You know what? Let’s start in England where the guy who we currently call president spent his summer vacation. But we’ll get to that in a minute. I want to use this entry to bring you up to speed on Brexit – a hilarious combination of the words “brex” and “it”. And when you think about it – England is about to elect a Prime Minister who quite literally looks like Trump:

The resemblance is uncanny! I mean two elderly, grossly overweight fat men with bad hair and a messianic complex ruling their respective countries? How bad could it get? Really fucking bad if you ask me.

The UK economy could be headed for its first quarterly contraction since late 2012 after uncertainty over Brexit caused a sharp slowdown in manufacturing.

Britain's economy shrunk by 0.4% in April, according to official data published Monday that was even more dire than economists had expected. The data also showed a 0.1% contraction in March.

"The clear message is that underlying growth is pretty sluggish," said Ruth Gregory, a senior economist at Capital Economics, who added that it's possible the economy will shrink in the second quarter.

Manufacturing was hardest hit in April. Three years after the Brexit referendum, UK-based companies still have no idea what their future terms of trade will be with the European Union, which accounts for about half of British goods exports. Recent surveys suggest EU customers are taking their business elsewhere.

Yeah the people who voted for Brexit right now are like the dog in the cartoon – they’ll keep saying every thing is fine with Brexit while the whole fucking country burns to the ground right behind them! I mean as if things couldn’t get any worse the EU gave them an ultimatum. And come on you know everything’s going fine when that happens!

Mr Johnson yesterday used his first interview of the Tory leadership campaign to warn that he would refuse to pay the Brexit deal unless he got a better offer from the EU. The bookmakers’ favourite to replace Mrs May in Number 10 said his threat to withhold cash from Brussels would act as “great lubricant” in persuading the EU to reopen talks on the Irish backstop and the future trade deal. He said: “I think our friends and partners need to understand that the money is going to be retained until such time as we have greater clarity about the way forward.”


They added: “First the Conservative party needs to elect a new leader, it’s only logical that they will try to renegotiate.


The Elysee official said refusal to handover the £39bn to Brussels would represent the equivalent of a “sovereign debt default,”, as suffered by Greece.

It was claimed that the UK’s economy would be downgraded by ratings agencies causing Government bonds to collapse, hitting savers and investors hardest.

The source said: “Not honouring your payment obligations is a failure of international commitments equivalent to a sovereign debt default, whose consequences are well known.”

Of course everything is fine! I mean I’d expect this level of negotiation from a graduate of that seminar that advertises in the back of the airline in flight magazine, not politicians who are trying to decide the fate of the fucking global economy!!! OK I could talk all day about the cluster fuck known as Brexit but we don’t have that kind of time. It is fun to watch from afar isn’t it? Moving on, I want to discuss Trump’s war on tech companies. So while we were off this happened:

The president took to Twitter Sunday morning to yell at the New York Times, CNN, and Twitter and complain about the way he is treated by media in comparison to former President Obama.

Obviously upset over being called out for the way he originally expressed the timing of his tariffs deal with Mexico, Trump tried to reshape the agreement again and blasted the New York Times for reporting the truth.

The problem with the President’s rant is the omissions. Trump initially told anyone who would listen that the agreement with Mexico was based on the tariffs threat from last week and never mentioned that a deal had been, as the Times reported on Saturday, in the works for months.

Trump continued dangerously blasting legitimate media outlets calling them “The Enemy of the People!” while at the same time, showing his ignorance of the meaning of “freedom of speech.”

Wait, wait, wait, wait. So yeah while we were gone, Twitter went ahead and banned James Woods for threatening to murder members of Congress (HA HA!!!) along with some other prominent conservative voices, and in one angry tweet storm, Trump goes from tweeting about conservatives being banned on Twitter and supporting free speech, to the media is the enemy of the people. Maybe he’s nervous. Are you nervous, Donnie? Especially when this is happening this week:

Top Democratic leaders may be in no rush to launch an impeachment inquiry, but the party is launching a series of hearings this week on special counsel Robert Mueller’s report.

The slate of televised sessions on Mueller’s report means a new, intensified focus on the Russia probe and puts it on an investigative “path” — in the words of anti-impeachment Speaker Nancy Pelosi — that some Democrats hope leads to impeachment of President Donald Trump.

In doing so, they are trying to aim a spotlight on allegations that Trump sought to obstruct a federal investigation as well as his campaign’s contacts with Russia in the 2016 election.

And they will lay the groundwork for an appearance from Mueller himself, despite his stated desire to avoid testifying.

The House Judiciary Committee plans to cover the first topic at a Monday hearing on “presidential obstruction and other crimes.” The House Intelligence Committee on Wednesday intends to review the counterintelligence implications of the Russian meddling. Mueller said there was not enough evidence to establish a conspiracy between the Trump campaign and Russia, but he said he could not exonerate Trump on obstruction.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Speaking of Donny shutting the fuck up, we got to talk about his trip to Europe. Ooh ooh we need some music for this one!

OK you guys are fucking with me. Wrong Europe.

OK much better! So Trump went to Europe… OK can we stop with the Final Countdown already? Thank you! Trump went to Europe to meet the Queen and to go pay his respects to the our fallen soldiers on the 75th anniversary of D-Day. And neither event went particularly well. For starters Trump channeled his inner Clark Griswold and brought his entire family along for the ride. And like most family vacations, this one became a complete clusterfuck.

President Trump returns to Washington on Friday afternoon following a four-day trip to Europe that began with a state visit to the United Kingdom and culminated with a ceremony in France to mark the 75th anniversary of D-Day.

The state visit was a family affair for the president, who was accompanied by all of his adult children, and he stirred controversy with his comments about the royal family and British politics.

Trump ended the trip on a somber note, delivering a speech at Normandy in front of dozens of veterans who participated in the June 1944 Allied invasion.

Here are six notable moments surrounding the president's travels.

Yeah so it didn’t start off great. And it proceeded to only get worse from there. I mean come on, how can he fuck up a visit to the queen? Well take a look at him in a white collar tuxedo:

How much fucking weight has he gained since taking the oath of office? All those hamburder buffets cant be good for him. I mean England has “God Save Our Noble Queen”, we have “God Save Our Noble President Man Baby”. Yeah that doesn’t have the same ring to it. I mean how bad could it get?

US President Donald Trump says Queen Elizabeth II had the time of her life in his company during a state visit to the UK this week.

Reflecting on his trip to Europe in an interview with Fox News host Laura Ingraham on Friday, Trump boasted about his connection with the Queen, who entertained the president at Buckingham Palace.

During the 16-minute interview, Trump said he and the Queen, who turned 93 earlier this year, had such an involved conversation at the state banquet in his honor, that he did not know who else was sat at the table.

"There are those that say they have never seen the Queen have a better time, a more animated time," he said, but did not elaborate on who these people were.

Seriously, Automatic Chemistry sounds like the name of a 90’s alternative rock album. REM presents Automatic Chemistry! What? You think it would be better as a Pearl Jam album? But then switching gears Trump went to Normandy and that’s where the shit show started. I mean seriously, the GOP doesn’t get to say that we’re disrespecting the troops ever again, because they clearly don’t give a shit!

Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie took some shots at the White House on Sunday morning when he claimed President Trump’s staff did not serve him well by allowing him to sit down with pro-Trump Fox News host Laura Ingraham for an interview that featured him blasting his political rivals with the Normandy D-Day cemetery as a backdrop.

During a panel discussion on ABC’s This Week, Christie—who served as a Trump surrogate in the 2016 election and was briefly part of the Trump transition team—generally praised the president on his recent overseas visit.

The conversation then pivoted into the debate over Trump lashing out at House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in the Ingraham interview, with Christie noting that the president was reacting to Pelosi reportedly telling Democrats she wanted to see Trump in prison.

After saying Pelosi “earned” Trump’s wrath due to her comments and claiming there was no excuse for her to say she wanted to see the president jailed, the one-time GOP presidential candidate tossed some criticism the White House’s way.

“I also think that the president’s press staff served him poorly in two instances in Europe,” Christie declared. “Putting him in front of Piers Morgan and putting him in that interview at that site with Laura Ingraham. That doesn’t serve the president well.”

Yes, Trump, there’s plenty of places that you could have given that interview but a cemetery before a major speech honoring our veterans isn’t fucking one of them!!!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

So the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump, thinks he’s Winston Churchill. That’s right -a guy who didn’t serve in the military suddenly thinking that he’s on par with one of the greatest generals in human history. I mean let’s compare the two – one fought the Nazis, the other one thinks that Nazis are very fine people. How did this happen? Well, shortly before Trumpenfuror left England, he had a batshit fucking crazy interview with Piers Morgan that went way off the rails. And well, I would expect Tracy Jordan to give a far more coherent interview to Larry King, if you remember that classic 30 Rock episode. Just how bad was it? Well there’s a lot of things wrong with it and we will point a few of them out.

He quoted Roosevelt and gently greeted frail veterans at a D-Day commemoration, hours after proclaiming Bette Midler a “psycho” and Chuck Schumer a “creep.” He exalted soldiers’ bravery while dismissing his avoidance of service in Vietnam, calling it a country “nobody heard of.” He toasted Britain’s queen at a Buckingham Palace banquet, after calling London’s mayor a loser.

For President Trump, reconciling his impulses with the expectations for an American president has often posed a hurdle. And when he had idle time during his three-day trip to Britain, the gap between the two — which has come to define his presidency — was jarring.

Mr. Trump’s trip to Britain ended Wednesday much as it had begun: as a split screen of a president embracing regal respectability on one side and settling scores on the other.

There we go, everybody, I think we’ve reached Peak Trump here. I mean there’s nowhere it can go but downhill from here, can it? I mean really, the guy who walked in on underage girls dressing in a locker room calling someone else a creep? That’s rich! And why does Trump think that Vietnam was a terrible war? Just… I can’t even begin to comprehend his logic anymore. Of course it was, but we’ll save that for another topic.

Exactly 75 years ago Friday, Allied soldiers stepped on a deadly shore to liberate people they did not know, in a war they did not choose.

President Trump said he would have preferred to serve in that kind of war. One that stirred feelings of deep pride in a U.S. victory and righteousness against a clearly defined enemy.

But his generation got Vietnam.

“I thought it was a terrible war,” Trump told Piers Morgan on “Good Morning Britain” on Wednesday. “I thought it was very far away, and at that time nobody ever heard of the country. So many people dying, what is happening over there? So I was never a fan — like we’re fighting against Nazi Germany, we’re fighting against Hitler.”

The exchange occurred after Morgan asked Trump whether he “wished” he had served in the military, particularly in Vietnam, which Trump avoided with a string of student deferments and a medical disqualification for bone spurs.

You tell ‘em, Walter! They’re our basic freedoms, after all! And you know what the irony of Trump’s appearance in Europe was? Not only did he undo the alliance that made D-Day happen in the first place, he’s just becoming more unhinged by the day. I mean really, he gets no, and I repeat no, right to call anyone else nasty. He’s the meanest, nastiest person in any given room. What? Did Megan Markle hurt your little feelings President Snowflake?

In a new interview during his state visit to the U.K., President Donald Trump insisted that the world had misunderstood his recent description of Meghan Markle as “nasty.”

He had not said Meghan was nasty herself, he claimed to Piers Morgan in a sit-down set to air Wednesday morning.

Rather, Trump said, Meghan had acted nastily by criticizing him during the 2016 presidential election.

“She was nasty to me, and that’s okay for her to be nasty,” he told Morgan, according to an advance copy of his quotes released by Good Morning Britain. “It’s not good for me to be nasty to her and I wasn’t.”

Trump also insisted to Morgan, long a sympathetic conservative voice, that he had planned to bring up the matter to Prince Harry when the two met on Monday at Buckingham Palace.

“We didn’t talk about it,” Trump told Morgan, adding, “I was going to because it was so falsely put out there.”

Obviously, Trump is batshit fucking crazy. But then this is where the interview went off the rails. Of course you can’t talk about American politics without bringing up our love of the gun, and don’t worry we’ll get to that in a minute. But really? He thinks a guy with a knife can stop a bullet? Funny I don’t remember that scene in John Wick!

Trump: Unarmed civilians are 'sitting ducks,' don't stand a chance against 'bad guys' with guns
© Getty Images

President Trump in an interview broadcast early Wednesday argued against gun control, saying that unarmed civilians are "sitting ducks."

"When somebody has a gun illegally and nobody else has a gun because the laws are that you can't have a gun, those people are gone. They have no choice, they have no chance," Trump told Piers Morgan on ITV's "Good Morning Britain."

"The people that obey the laws ... those people are sitting ducks," he added.

The president did say he doesn't like gun suppressors, also known as silencers, and would "think about" banning them after one was used in a Virginia Beach, Va. shooting in which 12 people were killed last week.

Trump also argued that a mass shooting near Paris would never have occurred if someone "on the other side" had a gun.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Good Guys With Guns
[br] [/font]

One thing we love to do at the Top 10 is refute talking points, and one of our favorites comes from that most American of institutions known as the National Rifle Association. While we were off, there was yet another mass shooting. And the response coming from the White House is the usual “we’re not supposed to talk about it” bullshit. Yes, they actually said this. Of course gun nuts are a large percentage of the base, and we wouldn’t offend the base would we? Boy, for the party that loves to “trigger the snowflakes”, they really are a bunch of pathetic snowflakes aren’t they? So with that in mind, we decided that we’re going to flip the script and instead show you some “Good Guys With Guns”. Like here’s a perfect example of the NRA’s dream guy. Just your average Joe Six Pack with guns and a messianic complex strolling through your average Wal-Mart:

Let me see if I can identify what's wrong with this picture. It's not the fact that he's holding what appears to be a single bag of questionable quality microwave popcorn. It's not the Harley Davidson belt. It's not the poorly secured holdster attached to the outside of his belt loop. It's definitely not the fact that he's got a key chain with more keys than a high school janitor would carry. Or the extremely dumb 2nd amendment t-shirt. I know... it's that fucking chain wallet! I mean what kind of grown ass man still carries a chain wallet in 2019??? That shit wasn't even fashionable when it was cool and that was in 1993!!! I know because I had one. and then there was this guy who loaded his store with so much inventory that it couldn’t manage it, and Clinton Derangement Syndrome.

Firearms distributor United Sporting Cos. loaded up on guns ahead of the 2016 U.S. presidential election, expecting a surge in sales would follow the election of a Democrat. Then Hillary Clinton lost.

The miscalculation sparked a multi-year decline that has reached the courthouse steps in Delaware, where United filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy on Monday.

When Republican Donald Trump emerged victorious in the election, United was left with lower-than-expected sales and high carrying costs for unsold inventory, Chief Executive Officer Bradley P. Johnson said in a court declaration.

United, which sells an array of outdoor equipment, is seeking protection from creditors while it sorts out more than $270 million of debt secured by liens on its assets, court papers show. The company, whose subsidiaries include Ellett Brothers LLC and Jerry’s Sports Inc., reported Ebitda of $4 million on net sales of $557 million last year -- well below its average of $885.3 million in sales from 2012 to 2016.

That story right there perfectly illustrates why your average gun nut is so paranoid of democratic rule that they’ll go out of their way to prove their point. And I mean why use things like facts and logic when we live in 2019 and those things don’t matter? Only outrage does! But before we show you some winners, let’s talk some facts. Just how much money is the gun industry worth? The answer might shock you but it’s not all that surprising.

Gun stores had revenue of about $11 billion, IBIS World said in its 2018 report. Gun and ammunition manufacturers had revenue of $17 billion, but the majority of that revenue comes from the defense side of the equation: arms sales to the U.S. and foreign governments.

These numbers just aren’t that large. A single company, Amazon, had revenue of $178 billion a year in 2017. The GDP of the United States is more than $19 trillion.

What is larger than the revenue in the gun business is the amount of money spent securing ourselves against America’s gun violence problem, though it's harder to separate.

The security alarm business alone, for instance, brings in $25 billion a year. There are 1.1 million security guards employed in the United States, according to the Department of Labor. I’m guessing the business of a company like ALICE Training Institute, which provides civilian training on how to respond to active shooters, is probably booming right now. The Washington Post estimated schools are spending $2.7 billion a year on security measures. Government spending on domestic homeland security averaged $65 billion per year from 2002 to 2017.

Holy shit!!! Not only are guns a huge part of the American economy, keeping Americans safe from guns is an even bigger part of the American economy! So with that in mind let’s take a look at some good guys with guns, and why not? And also, why am I not surprised that a majority of these stories come from Florida?

Passengers say their charter boat captain went on a drunken, drug-infused tirade and threatened to shoot everyone on his boat during a nightmare fishing trip.

10News also obtained a police summary and witness statements that paint a disturbing picture of what should have been a 12-hour fishing excursion Sunday in the Gulf of Mexico.

Sarasota police say passengers aboard the boat told them Captain Mark Bailey, 36, drank rum from the bottle, had multiple beers, got high from cocaine and ended up in an argument with a 15-year-old passenger who reportedly tried to grab his uncle a drink from the captain's pail.

GILLIGAN!!!!! I mean if that guy is the guy who is supposed to protect the boat, why does it matter if the other guy has a gun? It’s more than likely that gun used to commit a murder was stolen, because these are some absolutely shocking statistics regarding guns and gun crime. No wonder we have guys like the winner in the Florida story above!

Stealing from people almost guaranteed to be armed would seem like a dumb idea to most, but not everybody got the memo. Firearm theft from licensed retailers including gun stores is becoming increasingly common, according to data released by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives this week.

The number of robberies of federal firearms licensees reported to the ATF have increased 227% since 2013 and burglaries of such gun purveyors are up 71% over that same period.

To make matters worse, the quantity of firearms stolen has increased as thefts become more frequent. In 2013, 3,355 firearms were taken in burglaries, compared with 7,841 in 2017, with a steady increase each year. The trend is slightly different for robberies, which tend to leave perpetrators less time to gather up guns: that number increased from 96 in 2013 to 370 in 2016, but fell to 288 last year.

Holy shit!!! No wonder there’s so many good guys out there. And with people like that and our MAGA friend above, it’s no wonder. And if you wonder where the right wing and their doomsday obsession comes from, this house in LA may provide some clues. I mean it’s in Beverly Hills! Remember the good old days when people used to just grow pot in their garage? This is in my backyard, damn it! Keep this in mind the next time the NRA tries to play down that talking point:

Police have seized more than 1,000 guns from a mansion in California, where photographs and video show guns stacked on top of one another in a line that extends the length of several cars.

The guns were found on Wednesday in the upscale Holmby Hills neighbourhood, where law enforcement described a property resembling a “hoarder’s house” that kept 30 officers busy for 15 hours as all of the firearms were removed from the mansion.

The search was initiated by Los Angeles Police officers and agents with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (ATF), who served up a search warrant in the suspicion that someone was manufacturing or selling illegal firearms, according to the Los Angeles Police Department.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Mt. Everest
[br] [/font]

Hey El Paso, it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

Climbing to the top of the world’s tallest mountain is one of the coolest things you can do – both literally and figuratively. But is it worth dying for? The amount of traffic that can be seen at the summit and the peak of the world’s tallest mountain might be the worst in history. There’s plenty of reasons that you can think of as to how we got to this point. While you can say that you climbed to the top of Everest, what you are really doing in 2019 is waiting in the world’s highest elevated line. And you might be asking how did we get here? Well the answer is shocking, but really not all that surprising.

The reward for climbers who ascend Mount Everest is a view like none other, an expansive vista of the Himalayas from the highest point on the planet.

On Wednesday, those who made it to the top saw something else: Hundreds of other climbers.

The final leg of their journey to the summit was a traffic jam of trekkers enticed by good weather, the route clogged by a single-file march of 250 to 300 people along a precarious cliff that caused delays of about three hours.

“I have had bottlenecks on mountains before but not this many people at such high altitude,” Nirmal Purja, a climber who photographed the scene, said in a message. If the weather had turned, he said, “it could’ve been a real disaster.”

The long, winding line to the peak added risk to what is already one of the most dangerous mountains, raising the possibility of frostbite and oxygen depletion. At least two climbers died after having reached the summit on Wednesday, and their deaths may have been related to the delays.

So if you’re the country of Nepal how do you do damage control on this? Well they’re probably scrambling to find answers and provide answers to those who wish to complete this most godly of physical challenges. But there does at least seem to be an answer as global warming is causing Everest to melt, and people are being discovered that have long been thought to be missing. And not in a good way either.

A few years ago, Kami Rita Sherpa, a veteran climber and guide, met with a gruesome sight at Mount Everest Base Camp. Human bones poked from the ground, smooth and ice-crusted.

It was not a fluke. Subsequent seasons yielded more remains — a skull, fingers, parts of legs. Guides increasingly believe that their findings fit into a broader development on the world’s highest mountain: A hotter climate has been unearthing climbers who never made it home.

“Snow is melting and bodies are surfacing,” said Mr. Sherpa, who has summited Everest 24 times, a world record. “Finding bones has become the new normal for us.”

In the last few seasons, climbers say they have seen more bodies lying on the icy slopes of Everest than ever before. Both the climbers and the Nepalese government believe this is a grim result of global warming, which is rapidly melting the mountain’s glaciers and in the process exposing bones, old boots and full corpses from doomed missions decades ago.

So what is the solution? Where do we go from here? You could say that bureaucratic red tape got us in this mess and you would be right. Raising the price isn’t going to help. Those same people who can pay the $11,000 fees are going to be paying the $20,000 fees. Something that was once exclusive is now accessible to everybody, and that’s not always a good thing.

Nine people have died on the Nepalese side of Mount Everest so far this year, the most during a climbing season on the peak since a deadly earthquake in 2015. This time however, climbers and guides are blaming a host of other factors for the spike in deaths:


This year, the Nepalese government issued a record 381 permits to climb Everest, costing $11,000 each.

Climbers spoke of traffic jams below the summit, in the “death zone” above 8,000 metres where many deaths occur due to the lack of oxygen.

Some operators have urged the government to cut the number of permits, and raise the price to around $20,000 to combat increased crowds.

“Confident climbers with experienced guides and sherpas would have known about the jam and waited for their chance to go up safely,” said Adrian Ballinger of the US-based company Alpenglow Expeditions.

When something gets that overcrowded, it can never be a good thing, can it? At least waiting in traffic on the 405 freeway in Los Angeles, you probably won’t die. But waiting in traffic in unusually high altitudes with no water or food and you’re surrounded by thousands of other people waiting to reach the summit? Yeah you will most likely die. And you probably won’t be discovered for a very long time.

A British climber too weak to descend from Mount Everest died on Saturday, officials said, the eighth climber to die on the world’s tallest mountain and the 18th in Nepal’s Himalayas during the current climbing season.

Hiking officials attributed most of the deaths to weakness, exhaustion and delays on the crowded route to the 8,850-meter (29,035 feet) summit.

Robin Haynes Fisher, 44, died in the so-called “death zone” known for low levels of oxygen on descent from the summit, Mira Acharya, a tourism department official, said.

He is the eighth fatality on Everest in the current climbing season that ends this month.

“He died because of weakness after a long ascent and difficult descent,” Murari Sharma of the Everest Parivar Treks company that arranged his logistics told Reuters. “He was descending with his sherpa guides from the summit when he suddenly fainted.”

Yes, Stupid Sexy Flanders indeed. So you will probably die if you reach the top of the peak in 2019, because there’s way too many other people attempting to climb the same mountain and it’s almost impossible to get back down. So what’s it really like? One Vail mountaineer gives a much more real portrait of what it’s like than the media does.

A photo circulating social media shows what appears to be a traffic jam on Mount Everest.

One day after it was taken, Vail resident Chris Cobb made it to the summit. He says it was a surreal moment that's hard to put into words.

"You don't have much time," Cobb said. "I mean you got to go or you're going to freeze to death. I was probably up there maybe I don't know -- ten minutes?"

It has been a deadly climbing season on Mount Everest. Eleven people have died so far, which is more than twice the number of people who died last year.

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of El Paso! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation!!! I have returned from vacation! Yes, I am tanned, I am rested, and I am ready to plow through another 28 weeks of this thing! And what did I do on my summer vacation? Where did I go to relax, you might ask? Well, I decided to live like I am a televangelist. I mean, I got to be honest, as much as I love and support UUC style preaching, there’s no money in it! There’s plenty of money however, in being a televangelist grifter. And it’s not one thing to have a private jet, these guys have all the private jet money in the world! Just how much money does a guy like Kenneth Copeland have? Well a hell of a lot!

Kenneth Copeland, a Texas-based televangelist, was confronted by a reporter who grilled him over his fleet of private planes. The exchange, which aired last month on Inside Edition, recently went viral over the weekend and showed Copeland justifying his luxurious spending.

Inside Edition correspondent Lisa Guerrero asked Copeland about why he won't fly commercial as he was getting in a vehicle in Branson, Missouri. He defended it, making it seem to be a vital means to his televangelism. He said, "If I flew commercial, I'd have to stop 65% of what I'm doing."

Guerrero questioned him about a private jet he purchased from filmmaker Tyler Perry, the Gulfstream V. He replied, "Well, that's none of your business."

Copeland, owner of Kenneth Copeland Ministries and a small airport in Texas, then said Perry "made it so cheap" he couldn't help to buy it. He cited a May trip where he traveled to five continents as a reason why he needed the plane. He also admits to using his private jets to travel to his vacation homes.

The journalist wanted Copeland to explain a comment he made in 2015, when he described flying commercial as "flying in a long tube with a bunch of demons — and it's deadly." While pointing his finger at Guerrero, Copeland denied saying it initially, before explaining that it's a "biblical thing."

Why yes, the devil does walk among us!!! But his name beith Kenneth J. Copeland! I mean is this a Biblical thing? I ask you my fair congregation! You know it does say in the Good Book that JAYSUS hated the rich and grifters, and hypocrites and Kenneth Copeland is all 3! I will say private jets are nice but it does indicate a very sinful lifestyle!

Copeland then added that he has more than three planes, but that he primarily uses the Gulfstream and two Citations, while others in his ministry have access to the planes too. The televangelist who is said to be worth $760 million as of 2018 explained that he needs to jet around the world to help the needy.

He admitted that he is a wealthy man, but said that the money doesn’t come from his ministry alone, as he has vast investments.

“My wealth does not come from offering alone. I have a lot of natural gas on my properties. You didn’t know that did you baby? Isn’t that wonderful?” Copeland said.

Copeland then added that the Jewish people understand that it’s not a bad thing to have money and to be wealthy.

Well they are DAYMON birds if they’re flown by Pastor Copeland. I’m not saying that Pastor Copeland is a DAYMON, but he doesn’t exactly live a Biblical lifestyle. And you can lie. You can lie all you want, but the DEVIL sees all and knows all! So here’s the thing, Pastor Copeland, when you’re already in a hole, stop fucking digging!!! Why yes, we can swear in my church and this is making me very angry, sir! And you do not want to see me angry, for I bring down the WRATH OF GAWD!!!

Brown’s argument is that we’re all presumably okay with Copeland spending more money to fly than take a bus. (I would agree with that. I don’t think anyone would criticize Copeland for flying to various locations if they were far away or overseas. The slightly higher price for a plane ticket could be easily justified.) By extension, then, Brown asks why we’re all mad that he spends more money on a private jet than flying commercial.

Because the drastic increase in cost for a private jet is a luxury he can do without.

Steven Kozar at Museum of Idolatry tried to make sense of it. Even if we’re talking about spending the bare minimum to operate the private jet — which one website said was $700,000 a year for a pilot, staff, maintenance, and other necessities — just think about the bills.

So, using the lowest annual cost of $700,000 and dividing it by 12 months the cost to operate a jet is at least $58,333.33 per month. That comes to $1,944.44 per DAY. A more expensive jet would cost $5,000 to $10,000 per DAY. If Kenneth Copeland bought a new ticket every single day, he would have to spend at least $1,944.44 on each ticket to equal the cost of running one private jet, and that doesn’t even figure in the cost of actually purchasing the jet.

Except that it isn’t, sir. You know it is fun to play armchair auditor and those are some pretty alarming numbers that it takes to operate a private jet, let alone a fleet of them! So, the question is, is Pastor Copeland stealing from his collection offerings? I ask you my fair congregation!! But Kenneth Copeland apparently loves his private jets more than he loves JAYSUS, because frequent flyer miles are for godless heathens!

A journalist's confrontation with a televangelist has gone viral, bringing televangelism and its most prosperous preachers under public scrutiny once again.

Texas televangelist Kenneth Copeland came under fire this weekend for viral statements defending his lifestyle, including his ownership of three private jets.

Upon their first interaction in Branson, Missouri, Lisa Guerrero, an investigative journalist for news magazine Inside Edition, asked Copeland about his planes.

"That's really none of your business," he told her.

Copeland then justified his jet-setting by arguing that he would not be able to preach globally without them.

Yes, god forbid that Pastor Copeland put up with the TSA and frequent flyer rewards programs like the rest of us have to! Now I know in the Good Book, it says judge not lest ye be judged, but really, fuck these people! None of your business? Well we’ll make it our business, thank you sir!! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for;

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Straight Pride Parade
[br] [/font]

June is Pride month and while we’re celebrating and respecting our LGBT brothers and sisters around the globe, some on the right side of things would like to remind you that they’re getting enough respect, you know, like a bad Rodney Dangerfield bit. In fact, they’d like to remind you that there’s an open season on being straight and white in this country. To which we say “HELL NO!!!!”. So let’s examine both sides of the argument here. Why do we need a Straight Pride Parade? And why is it the worst thing in the entire world? And also, why the hell did they choose Boston for this event? That seems like a very odd choice. Does Boston need some humiliation after winning all those championships? Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. But let’s start with the logic behind it before we meet some of the winners organizing it:

Boston conservative activists are planning a "Straight Pride" parade in the city for August -- with their own heavy security in case of trouble -- though both its organizer and the president of the LGBTQ pride parade invited each other to the other's events.

John Hugo, the president of the "Super Happy Fun America" organization that's putting together the event tentatively planned for Aug. 31, said the parade is aimed at protesting "some serious heterophobia" in Boston. He said he asked City Hall to fly the "Straight Pride" flag -- a pink and blue flag with an intertwined male symbol and female symbol -- on its flagpole, but that the city declined.

"We are sick and tired of being treated like second-class citizens," said Hugo of heterosexuals. "We shouldn't be treated any differently and we are."
Hugo, who said the causes he's advocating for include preventing doctors from administering sex-change procedures on minors.

But DeMarco laughed after being asked about the opinion that straight people are treated worse than gay people.
"It's ironic because a lot of the people who are going to be at Pride are our straight allies in the community," DeMarco said. "It's a surprise to us that there's a certain group that feels they need to do that."

Oh boo fucking hoo. Gee how insecure are you that you have to have a parade to honor your own massive ego? Wait, I know! They’re conservatives and Trump fans! And why Boston you might ask? Why not? Maybe they all secretly have a crush on Tom Brady? I don’t know! I am just speculating! But the sad reality is that the city of Boston went along and decided to green light it, so now that’s a thing whether we want it or not.

Reports by Complex indicate that the city of Boston has officially green-lit a Straight Pride parade. The organizer behind it all, Mark Sahady, shared that the parade is scheduled to take place sometime in August. "It looks like the Boston Straight Pride Parade will happen. We filed a discrimination complaint and it appears the City of Boston understands they would lose in litigation," shared Sahady via a Facebook post. "The city is now working with us on the parade. We will have the streets closed and be allowed to have floats and vehicles." And considering the numerous ways we could unpack what the parade's significance meant to the LGBT+ community, Twitter users were unafraid to share their outrage.

Users ensured to let Mark Sahady know they were not here for the bigotry underlying these Straight Pride efforts. Political affiliate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez shared the following with regards to the issue: "Will “Straight Pride” be a Freaky Friday type situation where all of our history books, movies, stories, media, news, etc feature mostly LGBTQ+ people & perspectives? Will people have to come out as straight? What would folks march in? Socks w/ sandals on? Dad jeans?" Even Captain America's Chris Evans chimed on the affair. Moreover, the permit was requested by the organizers during Pride month which somewhat serves to disrespect the LGBT+ community. See the ensuing reactions below.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Well we champion free speech here, so let ‘em have their parade. Just don’t show up for it. Now here’s where politics makes for some strange bedfellows, and none could be stranger than some of people and corporations who have spoken out against this stupid idea for an event.

Following the announcement of a "Straight Pride" Parade in Boston Tuesday, many took to Twitter to express their support or opposition. One tweet, which made light of the situation, gained a lot of attention and triggered a reaction by AXE body spray.

The initial tweet was written by Tony Posnanski Tuesday and listed stereotypical heterosexual and conservative "floats" that would sponsor the Straight Pride Parade. From "Tomi Lahren riding a Swastika" to a bag of Doritos, AXE wanted to make it clear that they did not belong on the list.

"We'll be at the parade that matters and this one isn't it," the official Twitter account of AXE wrote Wednesday.

One woman–under the Twitter handle of @karmatastrophe–responded to AXE's tweet, saying the company was "uninclusive" and "intolerant."

"Good to know you don't support straight people," @karmatastrophe fired back. "How very uninclusive and intolerant of you. My straight son and my straight partner have decided to no longer use your products since you don't support them."

That’s right – Axe Body Spray, a brand commonly associated with bro culture, is siding with the LGBT community on this one! Yeah, suck it Straight Pride Parade! Although we have to address the name of the group that’s putting it on – what the fuck kind of name is Super Happy Fun America? That sounds like the name of a Japanese game show about American trivia, and we all know how crazy Japanese game shows can get! Let’s take a look at this group of winners! Would you be surprised that they’re far right white nationalists? I am shocked, shocked I tell you!!!

The organisers of a controversial Straight Pride rally proposed for the city of Boston, in the US, are heavily linked with far-right movements and nationalist protests, it has emerged.

Plans for the parade were widely shared on social media this week, despite no date yet being set and no permit being granted by the city council.

Organisers – a newly-formed group calling itself Super Happy Fun America – suggested the event would be a chance to celebrate being heterosexual.

They have already had to remove photos of Brad Pitt from their website after the actor, who had not given permission for his image to be used, threatened legal action.

Now questions have been raised over the past political activities of the trio of men behind the group, John Hugo, Mark Sahady and Chris Bartley.

Mr Sahady and Mr Bartley are both heavily associated with Resist Marxism – a loose ultra-conservative group found to have links to white supremacist organizations – while Mr Hugo ran, unsuccessfully, for congress in 2018 with an endorsement from the same group.


[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Steven Crowder
[br] [/font]

It’s time once again to ask:

This week: The Youtube channel owned by Christian “comedian” Steven Crowder – how is this still a thing? In the last few weeks, Youtube has announced an unprecedented crackdown on hate content with many white supremacists, hate mongerers, neo Nazis, and conspiracy theorists finding their channels either being demonetized or permanently banned. Which they are quick to scream about how they’re being victimized because they’re conservative. But that’s not the discussion this week. This week, the discussion is centering on one channel in particular. The one owned by Steven Crowder, a fundamentalist Christian conservative who also claims to be a comedian. In fact here’s how it got started:

YouTube has demonetized the channel of a conservative host after a Vox journalist called him out for his anti-gay and anti-Hispanic comments.

"Louder with Crowder" host Steven Crowder has made a series of disparaging comments about Vox producer Carlos Maza's sexual orientation and ethnicity.

Maza hosts "Strikethough," a show about media in the age of the Trump presidency, on Vox's YouTube channel. But he said his political views weren't what drew Crowder's ire; instead, he said he's been called a series of offensive names because he is gay and Cuban-American. Crowder's YouTube channel has almost 4 million subscribers.

"Watching videos where I am called a 'lispy queer' pass a million views is incredibly dehumanizing and degrading," Maza told InsideEdition.com. "My boss found out about it, which was incredibly humiliating. My family found about it, my younger sibling saw it, which was incredibly humiliating.

No, no you didn’t. Steven Crowder’s channel is so toxic that it’s attracted this kind of attention and we are sure that neither side really wants this. But in reality when YouTube attempted to respond to such controversy, it blew it big time. And neither party is really left with a satisfied outcome and angrier at the streaming service more than ever.

YouTube unleashed massive confusion and satisfied apparently no one with its handling of Steven Crowder’s homophobic campaign against a gay journalist on Wednesday.

The company will “demonetize” Crowder, a far-right performer, for harassing Vox reporter Carlos Maza. The announcement was a partial reversal from Tuesday, when YouTube said it would not take action against Crowder. After a whiplash-inducing series of tweets, YouTube went from declining to act against Crowder, to demonetizing him, to appearing to base its decision on homophobic t-shirts Crowder sells, before finally saying his entire channel is a problem.

Maza said the decision is a cop-out.

“Basically all political content gets ‘demonetized.’” Maza tweeted. “Crowder's revenue stream isn't from YouTube ads. It's from selling merch and ‘Socialism Is For Fags’ shirts to millions of loyal customers, that @YouTube continues to drive to his channel. For free.”

Yeah you can’t please all of the people all of the time and Youtube did exactly that. So rather than telling some people they can make money off political content, they’re simply telling everyone that they cannot make money off political content. But this is what happens when you have very loosely defined rules that aren’t properly enforced enough. And when you have friends like these, who needs enemies?

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) threw his support behind Stephen Crowder on Thursday, calling YouTube decision's to no longer permit the conservative commentator, who has been accused of online harassment, to profit from his videos "ridiculous."

"YouTube is not the Star Chamber — stop playing God & silencing those voices you disagree with. This will not end well," wrote Cruz to his 3.3 million followers.

In a subsequent tweet, Cruz broached provocative comments made by TBS's Samantha Bee and actor Jim Carrey as examples of what he says is a double standard.

"This is nuts. YouTube needs to explain why @scrowder is banned, but @iamsambee ('Ivanka is a feckless c***.') & @JimCarrey ('look at my pretty picture of Gov. Kay Ivey being murdered in the womb') aren’t. No coherent standard explains it. Here’s an idea: DON’T BLACKLIST ANYBODY," he wrote.

In fact while Ted Cruz didn’t say it well, he’s not wrong. This is not ending well. This is the exact opposite of ending well. In fact a simple “you’re wrong” turned into a colossal clusterfuck that could decide the fate of free speech on the internet as we know it. And that enabled Steven Crowed, who not only doubled down on his attacks, he tripled down.

Conservative commentator Steven Crowder has complained that Vox journalist Carlos Maza thinks YouTube is "queer space" after the video site informed him that his channel has been stripped of advertising revenue.

YouTube stopped Crowder from running ads on his channel following complaints made by Vox journalist Carlos Maza on Twitter about racist and homophobic remarks made by the pundit about him on his show.

Speaking on his show Louder with Crowder, the host bemoaned comments Maza made to the Washington Post that YouTube was hypocritical for branding itself as a "queer space" while allowing Crowder to remain on the platform.

"This guy, Carlos Maza, talked about how YouTube was a 'queer space,'" he said.

He went on to make further references to Maza's sexual orientation, before saying that YouTube appealing to the LGBT community was "corporate censorship."

Except that it isn’t. And Mr. Crowder not only doubled down on his attacks, he opened up a dangerous can of worms that should have not been opened. In fact Youtube might be reversing their long standing policy on hate speech if it proves a point. Which will open the doors for white supremacy and hate speech to rule the streaming service. While they may have been able to police it before, this policy won’t help things.

YouTube has long had a rocky relationship with its queer users, due to a history of restricting queer content. Those tensions deepened this week when Vox video journalist Carlos Maza called out YouTube and right-wing personality Steven Crowder, saying that Crowder has harassed him for years using the platform.

Crowder is the host of Louder With Crowder, a political commentary show airing on Blaze TV, a conservative broadcasting network with cable, satellite, and streaming assets that hosts talking heads like Glenn Beck and Ben Shapiro. Maza says Crowder has targeted him personally because of his race and sexual orientation.

Maza is the host of Vox’s YouTube series Strikethrough, which analyzes news media’s role in the Trump era. For the past two years, Maza said on Twitter last week, Crowder has taken aim at him through Louder With Crowder, on which he regularly mocks Maza for being gay and Latinx. The effect, Maza says, is that Crowder’s followers have harassed Maza and invaded his privacy.

Maza first detailed his concerns publicly on May 30, illustrating Crowder’s behavior through a video compilation of Louder With Crowder video footage that he shared to Twitter. The compilation features repeated clips of Crowder mimicking Maza with an exaggerated lisp, saying that Maza “sashays” around, and painting him with other homophobic stereotypes, all while referring to him as “the gay Vox writer.”.

Except they won’t be. So a simple fight between two Youtubers resulted in a colossal fuck up that could determine free speech on the internet forever. That’s enough to make you ask – Steven Crowder’s Youtube Channel:

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

Hey El Paso, we’re already one week in to season 7 and I really need a drink!

Of course you know by now the idea with this segment is that we never mix booze and politics, but we do mix booze and comedy! Because what good is life if you can’t joke about it while getting drunk off your ass? Not a very good one if you ask me! So tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about pogo sticking? Nothing? Really? You’re going to leave me dry here? Well, just like mixing booze and politics never goes well, mixing booze and pogo sticking shouldn’t go well either. But I will take my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. But we are going to discuss a potentially new form of travel that could revolutionize the industry. Or maybe not.

The sharing economy has brought scooters and bikes to our sidewalks and streets. Now, an international company wants to add pogo sticks to those ranks.

Cangoroo, a start-up based in Malmo, Sweden, plans to roll out shared, app-based pogo sticks in several cities, including San Francisco, starting this summer.

The company expects its pogo sticks to be publicly available in Malmo and Stockholm by the end of June, with launches in San Francisco and London to follow by mid-August.

“We do know that pogo sticks aren’t for everyone. But our mission and the fact that we’re going to launch them are 100 percent real,” said Adam Mikkelsen, the chief executive and co-founder of Cangoroo.

Mikkelsen said the company hopes to expand strategically to cities known for innovation — including the Los Angeles area, likely in Venice — as well as Berlin, Copenhagen and Paris. Still, the timelines depend on approval and coordination with city officials, he said.

And if you thought the giant pile of Bird Scooters was an eye sore and a waste of resources, just wait until you check out the unused pile of pogo sticks! Just picture that as one of the least efficient methods of travel possible. And can you imagine these things going up and down the hilly streets of San Francisco? Just think of what the liability insurance for these guys must be!

If you needed any further proof that we live in hell and everything is meaningless, there is a new tech-less pogo-stick-sharing micro mobility startup from Sweden called Cangoroo that people are apparently taking seriously. Allegedly intended to compete with soul-crushingly popular danger sticks known as dockless e-scooters, this pogo nonsense is eventually coming to American shores.

The system works exactly as the dockless scooters do. You have an app on your phone that unlocks the pogo stick, then you pay by the minute to use the thing. The website currently shows the rates at $1 to unlock and thirty cents per minute after that. Then you can pogo your ass off to your heart’s content.

For one thing, is pogo stick transportation any faster than just walking? It’s a hell of a lot more dangerous, especially on a busy city street. They want you to use these things in the goddamn bike lane. I’m sure already disgruntled cyclists will be happy to share the lane with your hippity hoppity jumping. And they realize San Francisco is full of hills, right? This must be funded by dental prosthesis companies. That’s the only logic I can place behind this.

I can only conclude that anyone with the confidence, talent, and wherewithal to competently pogo stick to work will already own a pogo stick. The plan is to drop a few hundred of these DangerStick+ models on sidewalks in cities all over the world. Are there even a couple hundred people in the country that could safely use these? I don’t want to see a five pound projectile bouncing into some poor unsuspecting pedestrian’s face when an unprepared person falls off.

Ah that’s the stuff!! But guess what? We can make all the fun of this we want and there’s tons of things out there that cell phone apps have brought us like the Bird Scooters that we’d rather forget ever existed, but these guys are serious! I really mean it yo!!!!

The alleged pogo stick rental company Cangoroo wants everybody to know that it’s not a prank. The Swedish startup claims that it will actually rent app-enabled pogo sticks—yes—in five cities around the world, including San Francisco.

The devices are meant to serve as a competitor to e-scooters, at a rate of 30 cents per minute. (A per-hop fee was presumably not practical.)

“Cangoroo and our pogo sticks offer a quicker alternative to walking, a more convenient alternative to having a bicycle, and a more environmentally friendly alternative to cars and e-scooters,” notes the company’s site.

Suffice to say, skepticism abounds. So much so that the first paragraph of Cangoroo’s press release, issued in May, states: “We feel the need to underline that Cangoroo is 100 percent real. Our choice of shared pogo sticks as our first product is a planned out strategy in order to stand out in today’s media landscape and build an engaging brand in the generic ‘last mile transportation’ category.”

When asked about its mission statement, a company spokesperson tells Curbed SF, “We can totally see that some people think it’s a joke as we intentionally branded Cangoroo the same way as existing e-scooter companies. However, we’re serious about our vision to try creating a brand in the micromobility category that stands out from the...generic ones. And that’s one of the reasons we chose pogo sticks as our first products.”

Yeah, travel by pogo stick makes about as much sense as chugging a whole bottle of maple syrup – sure you could do it, but sticky and feeling weird and will almost always end in a mess! But does it even matter that this is a thing anymore? I mean in the day and age where batshit crazy stuff happens on a day to day basis and the world as we know it is being turned upside down, does it matter that this is happening?

On May 18, the Swedish-based pogo stick rental company Cangoroo clarified that it is, in fact, a real company.

“With a lot of initial questions along the line of ‘is this for real?’, We feel the need to underline that Cangoroo is 100% real,” the company said in a news release. “Our choice of shared pogo sticks as our first product is a planned out strategy in order to stand out in today’s media landscape and build an engaging brand in the generic ‘last mile transportation’ category.”

Cities around the world are now awash in a mix of rental bicycles, scooters, Vespas and mopeds as part of the micro-mobility boom. A variety of smartphone-based short-trip startups — Lime, Bird, Flash, Skip, etc. — have rushed to stake their claim in the new category, with venture capital funding pushing them to grow.

The guerrilla tactics of the emerging industry — companies have been known to dump dozens of scooters on cities without warning, users are offered little or no training on their use and are not given easy access to helmets — have given the sense that anything goes in the micro-mobility scene.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]What’s Up With Texas? Pt. 1
[br] [/font]

What is up with Texas? That’s the question that we have on the table here for you. So why the fascination with the Lone Star State? Well, when we were in Austin last year, we got the idea to immerse ourselves in Texas culture. Once you get outside of the major cities – you are in prime MAGA / Fox country. Texas is the single largest state land size in the entire United States of America. It has the second most electoral votes in the country behind California. So we’re starting along the border – El Paso, San Antonio, the n off to Austin, Houston, and final Ft. Worth. And while we are here, we are going to be examining what makes Texas tick. Why do people have such a fascination or hatred for the Lone Star State? Well we’re starting our journey through El Paso – which also happens to be the home of presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke. Now here’s where the ideal plan of Donald Trump’s border wall is coming to a head. In fact there’s a private company that wants to take things to the next level even if the government won’t.

The organization that raised millions of dollars to construct a border barrier on private land over the Memorial Day weekend will be issued a cease-and-desist letter due to a lack of permits needed for the project, a spokesperson for the city of Sunland Park, said Tuesday.

The group, We Build the Wall, used millions raised from a GoFundMe page to fund construction of about a half-mile barrier near the Texas-New Mexico state line across from Mexico. The site is on land owned by American Eagle Brick Co. and is just a few miles from downtown El Paso and the University of Texas at El Paso. The site is in the U.S. Border Patrol's El Paso sector.

“The city has not provided any permits, it has not approved of the construction that has gone up already,” city spokesperson Peter Ibardo told The Texas Tribune on Tuesday. “They built the structure without authority or any building permits from the city.”

Ibardo added that there were no site plans or recent surveys submitted to the city.

And that’s the plan. And is anyone really that shocked that a company planning to do something shady is caught doing something shady? I know that I’m not! Our journey continues further. I needed to know more about why they were doing what they were planning on doing. In fact the do it yourself border wall is such a SNAFU that it already hit a snag across the state border in New Mexico – where a monument already built on the land is complicating things.

The viral “We Build the Wall” GoFundMe campaign has hit a snag in the first leg of its construction. Due to its blockage of a federal monument and construction of the wall moving onto federal property without proper permitting, the privately built border wall is being ordered to indefinitely keep its gates open rendering it effectively useless.

After raising nearly $24 million on GoFundMe, the campaign was able to complete a half-mile stretch of wall near the U.S. and Mexico border in the town of Sunland Park, New Mexico. The campaign’s creator is Brian Kolfage, a triple-amputee war veteran who began the project in an effort to combat illegal immigration and drug smuggling.

In their haste to build the wall, the project organizers failed to obtain the required permits to build on federal land. It was also determined that the wall would prevent the International Boundary and Water Commission (IBWC) officials from accessing a levee and a dam on the land, according to BuzzFeed News. The wall also blocked public access to Monument One, the first in a series of obelisks outlining the U.S. and Mexico border from El Paso, Texas, to Tijuana, Mexico. As a result, the IBWC ordered “We Build the Wall” to keep a gate within the wall indefinitely open.

Yeah the last time that someone attempted to build a wall, was in South Park. And really? The name of your group is called “We Build The Wall”? You guys raised the money, surely you could come up with a much better name than that! That’s like an airline that just calls itself “airline”. Or that sleazy prostitute overnight destination called “Motel”. And would you really be surprised that this group simply doesn’t care where it’s building their wall?

We Build the Wall, the crowdfunded, ultra-right group that put up a multimillion-dollar border wall just west of El Paso in southern New Mexico, has said that it only builds on private land. But earlier this month, the group extended its wall onto government land — without asking first for government permission.

The extension is a wall with a locking gate that has closed a federal road next to the Rio Grande, at the intersection of Mexico, Texas, and New Mexico. Beyond the gate is a storied monument celebrating binational cooperation known as Monument One. For decades, it has been visited by locals who’ve enjoyed the area as a park. A We Build the Wall supporter last week said that the only people allowed to unlock the gate would be employees of the Border Patrol, the owner of the adjacent American Eagle Brick Company, and the International Boundary and Water Commission.

We Build the Wall adviser Steve Bannon bragged last month that the private border wall, which now snakes for almost a half-mile up a mountain, had for months been planned in secret, so as not to give protesters or civil rights groups like the American Civil Liberties Union time to mount challenges. Heavy equipment started rumbling onto the property in late May, as land co-owner Jeff Allen forbade the media and the curious from getting near enough to see what was going on.

So does it matter to the locals whether or not crime is a problem after the makeshit, non government approved wall reduces crime or not? If anything it’s had the opposite effect of what was originally intended. We will explore this topic as we journey further south along the Texas – Mexico border, and it will get crazier. But what do the locals of El Paso think of this gaudy monstrosity? Will it help or will it not?

A border suburb of El Paso, Texas, has issued a cease-and-desist order against construction of a privately funded border barrier.

A spokesman for Sunland Park, New Mexico, said Tuesday that the barrier being erected by We Build The Wall Inc. on private property doesn't comply with city ordinances. City spokesman Peter Ibarbo says the company had applied for a construction permit but the application was incomplete.

The company didn't immediately respond to a message from The Associated Press.

In a statement to KVIA-TV in El Paso, the company says it had "done everything they need to do to be in compliance with all regulations." The company calls the stop order "a last ditch effort to intimidate us from completing this project."

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

For Part 2 of our documentary series, we are heading to San Antonio, and to even further south to visit the border town of Leandro – a town that literally shares roads with Mexico, to find out more about the issue known as border crossing.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Blink 182[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest of the 7th season needs no introduction. They are touring this year in support of their classic album Enema Of The State, and you can see them this July and August with Lil Wayne. Playing their song “All The Small Things”, give it up for the one, the only Blink 182!!!

Thank you El Paso! This was fun! We’re off to San Antonio next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: The Comic Strip, El Paso, TX
Special Thanks To: The Comic Strip Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UUC Of El Paso Choir
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Blink 182 Appear Courtesy Of: Columbia Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
New! Follow The Holy Church Of The Top 10 On Twitter: @churchoftop10
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

6 replies, 813 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 6 replies Author Time Post
Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #7-1: God Save Our Noble President Man Baby Edition [View all]
Top 10 Idiots Jun 2019 OP
malaise Jun 2019 #1
Top 10 Idiots Jun 2019 #2
malaise Jun 2019 #3
Top 10 Idiots Jun 2019 #4
Top 10 Idiots Jun 2019 #5
FakeNoose Jun 2019 #6