If a spouse cheats, would the faithful partner feel different if the deed was confessed or discovered? No one expects perfection (especially from a southern male over a certain age). All of us have a past. The difference is in how we own that past. By not admitting or getting out in front of something that was so blatant, it would seem that it is a past that has not been dealt with.

This nation was founded in many sins that have not yet been settled. The best way to move forward is to deal with your (not you, the offender in this scenario) personal shit. Take responsibility by proactively talking about your past, how you've grown, and learned from that past. You should also actively be a part of restoration and seek understanding by listening to the hurt party.