December 8, 2022

Fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

Fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say," Esther, I'd like a ride in that helicopter". Esther replied,"I know Morris but that helicopter ride is $50, and $50 is $50.

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said," Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance!" To this Esther replied,"Morris that ride s $50, and $50 is $50!

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet the entire ride and not say a word, i'll not charge you! But, if you say one word it's $50.

Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all sorts of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed the pilot turned to Morris and said,"By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't! I'm impressed!"

Morris said "Well to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know $50 is $50!"

July 6, 2022

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One

night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his

reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would

go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the

child, he would also provide child support until the Child turned 18. She

agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it

discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti"

on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey,"

she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it

to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as

her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was

written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with

meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."

June 29, 2022

Husband takes the wife to a disco.

Husband takes the wife to a disco.

There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks like he’s still celebrating!!"

April 20, 2022

Old lady gets 3 wishes!

An old lady received 3 wishes...

An old lady sat on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appeared and informed her that she would be granted three wishes.

Well, now,” said the old lady, ”I guess I would like to be really rich.” POOF Her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

”And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.” POOF She turned into a beautiful young woman.

”Your third wish?” asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wandered across the porch in front of them. ”Ooh – can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asked. POOF

And there before her stood a young man more handsome than anyone could have possibly imagined. She stared at him, smitten. With a smile that made her knees weak, he sauntered across the porch and whispered in her ear,

”Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”