AZLD4Candidate
AZLD4Candidate's JournalDealing with mental illness: Two steps forward, one step back for a lifetime because we deserve it
Yes, I have been very open about myself on this website.
It started when my wife was denied entry into the country because of whatever reason CBP invented at SEATAC. It continued with my struggles to get my wife her green card and the fact I had to give up teaching in the US and my attempted run for AZ House because I couldn't bare dealing with being separated anymore because of the US Government.
It dictated how all of that broke me emotionally and psychologically and I suffered a suicidal nervous breakdown because of it. I am bipolar (severely). I am Asperger's. I have body dysmorphic disorder after being called fat, ugly, and disgusted by most EVERYONE I have come in contact with, including family. I suffer from extreme PTSD from childhood abuse, intensity bullying, anti-Jewish violence, and workplace bullying/abuse.
I have stated many times when there is a mass shooting that being an asshole isn't a mental illness. Mentally ill people normally direct their trauma inward and attack themselves. The most common:
2: Borderline - our personality was stolen from us before we developed it so we attach ourselves to whomever says they love us even if it destroys us, then we will push you away and hope you will stay but we know we deserve to be hurt and abandoned because we deserve it.
3: PTSD - we can't process the trauma we've encountered, so we abuse ourselves because we deserve it.
4: Eating disorders - we can't process the trauma we've encountered, so we take it out on our bodies because we deserve it.
5: OCD - we can't process the trauma we've encountered, so we isolate ourselves and push people away because we deserve it.
We are substance abusers because it's an escape. We end our lives because it's an escape for those we know we are destroying.
And we deserve it. After all, according to society, all we need to do is get over it, grow up, get help, and we'll be fine. It doesn't work that way. We are always fighting that monster in our heads that controls us. We hear it louder than anything else. We hear that monster's words and ideas louder because it's how we see ourselves when we look in a mirror.
Compliments are fake. They aren't real. The monster told us that and we listen. Praise is just a way to set you up for failure. The monster tells us that and we listen. The monster controls us. I know in our world of "free will" and "you decide for yourself" that society rejects this idea, but as someone who has bipolar run in his family, as someone who has attempted suicide a few times, as someone who has pushed almost everyone out of his life because he doesn't deserve happiness, I am here to tell you that free will doesn't exist in mental illness.
The monster says it, we believe it. The monster controls us, we do it. Medication, therapy. . .all wonderful, but to be honest, it doesn't do much. The monster is still there because mental illness is just that. . .mental. We don't know anything about it. Medication either stabilizes you, makes you a zombie, or deals with symptoms, not the cause or root. It's like cold medication. No cold medicine cures the cold, it just deals with the "cold symptoms."
As I write this, I feel myself sinking into another depressive episode. I feel it coming on. I feel the anger. I feel the hopelessness. I see the darkness growing. I am on medication, but it isn't stopping it. I am on cymbalta, paxil, trazodone, and ativain.
Mental illness isn't about "getting help." It's so much more. But thanks to how we treat mental illness in the world, we are looked at in the simplest, easiest ways possible:
2: you want to feel this way because you just want sympathy
3: you refuse to get over it because you're weak
4: you just want drama in your life because you feed off it
5: you are a man. act like one.
6: you don't have a problem. you are the problem
7: you're too much negativity. go away until you can put a smile on my face
8: you're an adult. deal with it like an adult will.
9: shut up and suck it up. everyone has problems.
So, next time someone claims mental illness when someone does something horrific, remember that those of us with mental illness destroy ourselves.
As I write this, the darkness is growing. I feel there is no escape. The monster has control now. And it's telling me how to think and feel. And it tells me I deserve it all.
too liberal v. too conservative in the media
Notice how candidates are non-starters when they are too liberal.
Yet, when you have Republicans trying to out-Nazi and out-fascist each other, they are electable.
We have no friends on the left.
If Trump committed 'a technical violation of the Constitution,' it's not a crime, his lawyer says
Source: NBC News via AOL
If former President Donald Trump committed a “technical violation of the Constitution,” it doesn’t mean he necessarily broke any criminal laws, John Lauro, Trump’s criminal defense attorney, argued Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press."
Lauro appeared to signal how he’d defend the former president in a trial that will stem from the four-count criminal indictment returned last week by a federal grand jury that had been examining Trump’s possible role in the Jan. 6, 2021, Capitol riot and his alleged attempts to overturn the 2020 election.
Pressed by NBC's Chuck Todd about Trump's alleged pressure campaign to get former Vice President Mike Pence to reverse the election, Lauro claimed that Trump and Pence had merely disagreed over whether a vice president could constitutionally take actions that could lead to a presidential election’s being overturned.
“A technical violation of the Constitution is not a violation of criminal law," Lauro contended, saying it was "just plain wrong" to suggest that Trump had pressed Pence to break the law.
Read more: https://www.aol.com/news/trump-may-committed-technical-violation-152653127.html
Is this Agent Orange's "what is the definition of "is" is" moment?
I just got banned from replying to news articles on AOL.com
I never say anything rude. I just show the RW tools how wrong they are and show their idiocy and hypocrisy.
I just tried to post a reply. It got automatically denied for "violating community standards."
RWers yap about cancel culture, then work to ban things and people that challenge them. Ugh, these people make me sick.
I've lived in five Asian countries. Christ do I hate the CCP with ever fiber of my being.
Placing bets: Even if convicted and not plea bargained out, Agent Orange doesn't serve one day.
Do not visit China. Do not go to China. You are UNWELCOME because you aren't Chinese.
It doesn't matter what your accomplishments are. It doesn't matter what type of personality you are.
Your are not Chinese. You are 洋垃圾 or 白皮猪 if you are white。 You are 日本鬼子 if you are Japanese。 You are 南方猴子 from SE Asia。You are 进度阿三 if you are Indian. You are 死棒子 if you are Korean.
COVID19 in China ushered in a brand new wave of jingoism and xenophobia here. Racism is open even on the streets. Just walking outside I hear it directed at me. My wife is 香蕉人 (means banana) because she married me.
Winnie the Flu has used COVID to destroy western owned business, drive out foreigners, and dry up investment because China doesn't need it anymore. He thinks following Jabba the Kim's idiotic idea of Juche will make China overtake, in their eyes, a fading and failing USA.
Do not come to China. Spend your tourist dollars in places where people are polite and welcome you. Avoid Hong Kong too.
Korea is a good place. Japan. Taiwan. Thailand. Cambodia. These are places I would go to visit in Asia.
Poll: Trump voters say racism against white Americans is a bigger problem than racism against Black
Source: Yahoo VIA AOL News
As public support for reparations for African Americans remains stubbornly low, a new Yahoo News/YouGov poll reveals one major roadblock: Donald Trump voters believe that racism against white Americans has become a bigger problem than racism against Black Americans.
The survey of 1,638 U.S. adults, which was conducted from July 13-17, shows that among 2020 Trump voters, 62% say that racism against Black Americans is a problem today — while 73% say that racism against white Americans is a problem.
Asked how much of a problem racism currently is, just 19% of Trump voters describe racism against Black Americans as a “big problem.” Twice as many (37%) say racism against white Americans is a big problem.
Trump voters and self-identified Republicans — overlapping but not identical cohorts — are the only demographic groups identified by Yahoo News and YouGov who are more likely to say racism against white Americans is a problem than to say the same about racism against Black Americans. A majority (51%) of white Americans, for instance, think racism against people who look like them is a problem — but overall, far more white Americans (72%) say racism against Black Americans is a problem.
Read more: https://www.aol.com/news/poll-trump-voters-racism-against-090038611.html
Full Title: Poll: Trump voters say racism against white Americans is a bigger problem than racism against Black Americans
Ummm. . .posted without comment, but I am thinking what I want to say really loud.
Understand too. . .according to these people, I'm not white. Being Jewish doesn't qualify me. I'm "bad white."
Coco Lee is a Chinese American singer who just committed suicide. Female Celebrity's lives suck
Coco Lee committed suicide. She isn't the first, she won't be the last.
Knowing what I know about the business, since I've been in it since 2015, it amazes me that more actresses and female talent don't do that.
I mean, each one has a target on their back to be used as trampolines by every narcissistic pervert that they come in contact with. Yes, they do bring it on themselves at times by putting their career and their lust for power, money, and fame above their self respect and then lying to themselves (it was just sex. . .i survived. . .it didn't kill me). But, it's the reason a lot of them also run into drugs, alcohol, and nervous breakdowns.
The ones that you read in the news are the ones with the biggest bull's eyes on their chests. Britney's meltdown was all about being used and abused behind the scenes. Lindsay Lohan, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, even Beyonce is in therapy over it (again, I am in the business).
Chinese female stars get it worse. So do Korean. Because of the traditions of patriarchy, women aren't equals and men control everything. So people like Zhang Zi Yi, Fan Bing Bing, Lee Hyori, Blackpink. . .they all get run through by men. It's almost expected. Lee Chae Rin (CL of 2NE1) told me of the things she needed to do once to get where she is. In fact, as a music producer once told me: "In the business, there is no underage," which explains why 15 year old Aaliyah was a 65 year old man's "toy" when this producer was telling me about his exploits and showing them to me because each one of these perverts tape and record their "sessions" and "romps."
So, it's no surprise that Coco Lee killed herself. Sometimes, it's the only way out of misery. I should know. I've attempted suicide a couple of times.
2: I almost hanged myself in 2006.
3: 2021, I go my Camaro up to 110 MPH, took my hands off the wheel, closed my eyes, and let the car drift. For some reason, a split second later, I grabbed the wheel and opened my eyes. I stopped on the side of the road and just started bawling my eyes out for a good hour.
People wonder why female celebrities fall apart like Coco Lee did. Now you know. Men do it because they give into their excesses most of the time. Women see it as an escape from a life I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Profile Information
Name: Aram KatzGender: Male
Hometown: Sullivan County, NY
Home country: USA
Current location: Phuket, Thailand
Member since: Tue Mar 23, 2021, 11:44 AM
Number of posts: 6,094