3825-87867
3825-87867's JournalA MAGAt Joke
A little levity to escape for a few minutes.
My apologies if you heard it.
A MAGAt politician dies...
And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.
‟So, you’re a MAGAt politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a day in Hell. After that however, you’re free to choose where you want to spend eternity!”
‟Wait, I have to spend a day in Hell??” says the MAGAt politician.
‟Them’s the rules” Says St Peter, clicks his fingers, and WOOMPH, the guy disappears...
And awakes, curled up with his hands over his eyes, knowing he’s in Hell. Cautiously, he listens for the screams, sniffs the air for brimstone, and finds... Nothing. Just the smell of, is that fabric softener? And cut grass, this can’t eb right?
‟Open your eyes!” says a voice. ‟C’mon, wakey wakey, we have only got 24 hours!”. Nervously, he uncovers his eyes, looks around, and sees he’s in a hotel room. A nice one too. Wait, this is a penthouse suite... And there’s a smiling man in a suit, holding a martini.
‟Who are you??” The MAGAt politician asks. ‟Well, I’m Satan!” says the man, handing him the drink and helping him to his feet. ‟Welcome to Hell!”
‟Wait, this is Hell? But... Where’s all the pain and suffering?” he asks.
Satan throws him a wink. ‟Oh, we have been a bit mis-represented over the years, it’s a long story. Anyway, this is your room! The minibar is of course free, as is the room service, there’s extra towels next to the hot-tub, and if you need anything, just call reception. But enough of this! It’s a beautiful day, and if you’d care to look outside...”
Slightly stunned by the opulent surroundings, the man wanders over to the floor-to-ceiling windows through which the sun is glowing, looks far down, and sees a group of people cheering and waving at him from a golf course.
‟It’s one of 5 pro-level courses on site, and there’s another 6 just a few minutes drive out past the beach and harbor!” says Satan, answering his unasked question.
So they head down in the elevator, walk out through the glittering lobby where everyone waves and welcomes the man, as Satan signs autographs and cheerily talks shop with the laughing staff. And as he walks out, he sees the group on the golf course are made up of every one of his old friends, people he’s admired for years but never met or worked with, and people whose work he’s admired but died long before his career started. And out of the middle of this group walks his wife, with a massive smile and the body she had when she was 20, who throws her arms around him and plants a delicate kiss on his cheek. Everyone cheers and applauds, and as they slap him on the back and trade jokes, his worst enemy arrives, as a 2 foot tall goblin-esque caddy. He spends the day in the bright sunshine on the course, having the time of his life laughing at jokes and carrying important discussions, putting the world to rights with his friends while holding his delighted wife next to him as she gazes lovingly at him. Later, they return to the hotel for dinner and have an enormous meal, perfectly cooked, which descends into a food-fight when someone accidentally throws a bread roll at the next table (where Ghandi is having a game of truth-or-dare with Marylyn Monroe). As everyone is falling about laughing and flinging breadsticks at each other, his wife whispers in his ear... And they return to their penthouse suite, and spend the rest of the night making love like they did on their honeymoon. After 6 hours of intense passion, the man falls deep into the 100% Egyptian cotton pillows, and falls into a deep and happy sleep...
And is awakened by by St Peter. ‟So, that was Hell. Wasn’t what you were expecting, I bet?”
‟No sir!” says the MAGAt Politician.
‟So then” says St Peter ‟you can make your choice. It’s Hell, which you saw, or Heaven, which has choral singing, talking to God, white robes, and so on”.
‟Well... I know this sounds strange, but on balance, I think I would prefer Hell” says the politician.
‟Not a problem, we totally understand! Enjoy!” Says St Peter, and clicks his fingers again.
The MAGAt Politician wakes up in total darkness, the stench of ammonia filling the air and distant screams the only noise. As he adjusts, he can see the only light is from belches of flame far away, illuminating the ragged remains of people being tortured or burning in a sulphurous ocean. A sudden bolt of lightning reveals Satan next to him, wearing the same suit as before and grinning, holding a soldering iron in one hand and a coil of razor-wire in the other.
‟What’s this??” cries the MAGAt Politician. ‟Where’s the hotel?? Where’s my wife??? Where’s the minibar, the golf-courses, the pool, the restaurant, the free drinks and the sunshine???”
‟Ah”, says Satan. ‟You see, yesterday, we were campaigning. But today, you voted...”
Good News and...Bad News
The Bad News is that too many people are dying from Covid, the vast majority were unvaxxed and most of those possibly on their way are (were!) Republicans, Trump Tramps, or just plain stupid people.
The Good News is their progeny are mostly 4 to 12 years away from being able to vote Republican.
What was the #1 Song the DAY you were Born?
Relax and take a trip back with music.
This site will tell you the Number 1 song (or movie or book, etc) on the day you were born.
You can even play most of them in case you never heard the song.
Song on the Day you were born
(In case...)
[link: [link:https://playback.fm/birthday-song||
|You live in a house for 20, 30, 40 or more (sometimes less) years.
Maybe once or twice a year you get a statement in the mail from the state or local tax people reminding you to pay taxes you owe. (You already know the IRS has you listed).
When you pay your taxes, you don't have to show a driver's license, photo ID, green card, passport, birth certificate, naturalization paper, proof you're alive or wait in line for hours, or bring a friend to vouch for you or even a note from your parole officer - you don't have to show proof of age or whether you paid taxes from four or more years ago - you don't have to match your signature from a year ago or 10 or 20 years ago. If you do have to wait a short while paying in person, you can use the restroom, sit if you have to wait, get a drink of water even discuss, oh, I dunno, politics or whatever with others. And most places to pay taxes are open 8 to 5 Monday through Friday and many on Saturday. So there's ALWAYS time to pay your taxes...even at YOUR convenience!
And you know what? Nobody wants to arrest you for paying your taxes for almost any reason even without all those ID's! Imagine that. They just want your money and could care less whether you're black, white, yellow, red or probably even a Martian. You know, they don't even care if you're a citizen, just so long as you pay your tax. Just give them the money, go home and relax..
And while it's a law to pay income tax and various other local inconveniences, no one goes to jail if they don't have IDs when they pay those taxes - just hand over the money. Most times you just tell them your name and/or where you live.
And if you can't make it to the local or state tax office, you can even have a friend drop off the money. They don't care. They're funny that way - as long as they get their money. OH, and you can pay them by mail, electronically, by computer, sometimes even use an old pay phone or even those new-fangeled digital phone thingys, even early or late (with a fee if late, but still you don't need any IDs) and the collectors are happy to have you and will gladly take your money!
And even in states and cities and counties controlled by Republiqans, none of them questions you or race or life-style or nationality or asks for identification when you pay your tax, unless you write a check then they MAY want to see a Driver's License, but that's usually it. Funny, that!
You know, after you pay your tax, no one decides to go back right away or to another county or state office to pay them again or pay someone else's - not even dead people's!
You can even pay most taxes in advance, in some cases a year in advance and nobody will say a negative word to you for doing it (your sanity might be questioned, though).
Did I mention you don't have to register to pay your taxes? The IRS and local and state collectors will be more than happy to do most of the paper work for you and keep you on their computers until you die...and sometimes longer . You just need to send the money. You may not even have to sign anything - if you pay cash. You might even get a sticker to wear that say,"I Paid!"
I don't ever recall seeing a Black person, Asian-American, Latino, any other race or gender or life style choice person or even a Canadian who lives in America whether a citizen or not, turned away from a tax office because of their race or status in life so long as the tax on whatever document says they owe money is then paid.
Usually, just as long as you're 18 or older and on the tax roles forever, you can pay with no ID or trouble ever. Imagine that!
One person - many easy ways to pay your taxes and they know who you are.
One person - One Vote . They have your name. Voting should be as simple as paying your taxes in Ameriqa!
Wonder why it isn't?
Couple ideas for heat and lite in an emergency
Here in Western Pa power goes out in summer storms more often than winter.
Instead of recycling an old one, I keep an old car battery (actually 2 of them) charged as much as it can (doesn't have to be full or be able to start a car) with an electric charger BEFORE the emergency. Battery chargers can go for $25 to $100 depending on load capability. I've had a couple for years so they are always ready. I bought some bright LED Strips from Amazon. It's easy to connect them to the battery as they are 12 volt. Buy some clamps and/or use black electrical tape. They use virtually no power and a 4 foot or longer string can light a room almost daylight-like.
Even old car batteries can have 300 to 600 CCA Cold Cranking Amps (New 500 to 700 needed to start cars) that translates to 3000 to 7000 watts of continuous power depending on the condition of the battery.
I also have three power inverters (45 bucks each that can provide 110 vts @500 watts for using 60 to 100 watt electric light bulbs (NOT LED Bulbs). You can get inverters that will put out 100 to 1000 watts from car batteries. Put these in a (Mechanics) clamp light (has that aluminum reflector bowl around it) and you'd be surprised at the amount of heat a single bulb gives off. You can also use 12vt lights from an auto store that use less wattage and don't supply as much heat but will last longer.
Put the batteries on something safe (board, floor, counter top etc. NOT something metallic) when in use.
Almost ALL inverters will also charge phones and run radios or even smaller portable TVs. Get an app that lets you watch TV on your phone. There are also items that attach to the phone that allow you to watch "Over the Air" (OTA) Local TV Local Channels to keep informed in your area. They run around $35.
The car battery lasts well over 12 hours continuous with a lot of light bulbs on and with care (off and on times) can last a day. With decent inverters you can even use a microwave to heat water which can also give off heat somewhat longer. You can also get those small auto heaters to provide limited short-term warmth, BUT they use up a lot of watts!
Total investment over a summer was about $200. Have had to use this setup a number of times the last 10 years. Worth the trouble and investment.
After the emergency, make sure to recharge the car battery(s) as much as can be done. Then keep checking it every month or so to make sure it's charged in case you need it again.
There are lots of ways to help you keep warm and lit and even help provide warm food and water capabilities on the net. Check them out.
Good luck.
It's 2024 and Joe decides , maybe a lifetime presidency...
for Kamala? Or Hunter?
The Republican Reps and Senators aren't thinking very far ahead. Don't pass any legislation that allows trump to do what he wants and just maybe the Democrats in 2022 and 2024 or 2026 and 2028 or longer will decide they don't have to leave office...ever.
AND..they can do whatever they want in Congress and those who opposed convicting trump in 2020 -
can't.do.one.damn.thing.about.it!
SO, go ahead you assholes. Prop your feet up. Get out your crayons. Ignore the law. Stop paying attention. Acquit the POS. We need 50+ years of Democratic Rule.
To paraphrase Gold Hat from John Huston's 1948 film "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre":
"The Constitution, to god-damned hell with The Constitution! We have no laws. In fact, we don't need laws. I don't have to show you any stinking laws, you xxx-xxxxx.............!"
2016 and 2020 Trump Debates!
After watching trump in those debates, how he interrupted his own republicans and Hillary then Biden in 2020 and kept talking even after he was told to basically shut up, does anyone think him being a witness at the Impeachment Trial would be ANY different?
It would be a spectacle for the ages! Probably would get all the media off like crazy!
Probably end in the same kind of farce as before.
Maybe the sweetest irony of the upcoming year
Merrick Garland investigating then prosecuting Justices Kavanaugh and Barret for lying under oath.
01-21-2021 The First Dawn without Trump in office
will make even a cloudy, rainy, snowy or freezing day the best day that may have ever been...and wherever there's a sunny day, it'll seem almost Heavenly.
To paraphrase Anita Bryant's Quote (and ad): “Breakfast without orange juice is like a day without sunshine.”
A Day without Trump is like a day with sunshine.
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Member since: Fri Sep 11, 2020, 12:02 PMNumber of posts: 841
