This is completely true, but looking back at my feelings in those surrounding years and finally trying to put it into words. I did say to someone in the hospital (doctor, nurse, police…all a blur), “There are worse things than being dead.” I repeated it often. Wanted it to sound kind of like a heartbeat. I hope it’s not redundant. So here is what I have. And I’ll try to catch up with others. This one is VERY long…

Worse Things

I walked through the trees
And the honeysuckle bees
And believed that I was really living
We’d been trained to accept
What others might reject
And we took a vow of forgiving

The night wind cooled me
The starry skies fooled me
I was there just to do my calling
When the doorbell rang
That familiar sound
Down narrow steps I walked without falling

But I fell
Dear God,
to the depths of hell
That shiny silver blade
With precise and viscous cuts
Left bloody marks
And they will never fade
But they certainly weren’t
The only scars that were made

There are worse things
There are worse things
There are worse things
My God, can’t you see this dread
Can’t you read between the lines that you read
There are worse things
There are worse things
For the love of God
There are worse things
Than being dead

And I asked every night
Before I went to bed
Why?
Why didn’t he leave me dead?
Why’d he leave me
To walk in misery
instead?

Now years have gone by
Can’t remember how to cry
Except for others who’ve felt this pain
We didn’t have a choice
They still won’t hear our voice
Roll their eyes as they say it’s a shame

The night wind heals me
The starry skies feel me
They know that I’m still trying
And every single footstep
Reminds me of a misstep
A life I try to live without lying

But I lie
Dear God,
Cause I wished that you would die
That sharp silver blade
Yeah it cuts both ways
And maybe I’d remember how to cry
Your own ending might teach me how to try

There are worse things
There are worse things
There are worse things
My God, can’t you see the disgrace
There are worse things
There are worse things
There are worse things
Than staring into the devil’s face

Can’t you see it in my eyes that I’m gone
A role in a play that’s always on
There are worse things
There are worse things
For the love of God
There are worse things
Than faking being strong
And living far too long
And he left me
Bleeding freely
And to this day
I ask why instead
Did he let me live
And my answer
My only answer
was that he, too
Even he knew
There are worse things
There are worse things
There are worse things
Than being dead

Because so many times
I’ve wished that his crime
Would have left me dead
My veins were dripping
My life was slipping…. away
But he let me stay
Wish he’d left me dead
Instead

Cause there are worse things
There are worse things
There are worse things
Please, God, let them hear what I’ve said
There are worse things
There are worse things
There are worse things
Than being dead

I was given an alarmingly low chance of survival, so a part of me hoped they misdiagnosed. So yesterday I went to the Cherry Hill Cancer In NJ but related to U Penn Medicine in the city.I have goods news: Possibly a longer period of survival. There are medicines to consider, which I was told don’t exist and it appears that I qualify for a bone transplant!

The Last Time


If I had somehow known
That the last time
Would be the very last time
Would I have turned around
And given comfort
Would that have been such a crime

Everyone around me
Feels that it’s their choice
To ignore my voice
Question my judgement
And each step I take
While my heart aches

Somehow I thought you’d come back again
And I’d let you in
Reaching for heaven but dipping slowly into sin
Believing
That it wasn’t too late
While trying but failing to
Turn love to hate

If I had somehow known
That I’d need a heart
As hard as stone
To move mountains
All on my own
But I didn’t know
I didn’t know

It’s so easy for others to make the call
To risk it all
When all they can offer are words
But it’s too late
I’ve already used them all
Over and over again
As I tumbled into free fall

Somehow I thought you’d come back again
And I’d let you in
Reaching for heaven but dipping slowly into sin
Believing
That it wasn’t too late
While trying but failing to
Turn love into hate

If I had somehow known
That the last time
Would be the very last time
Would I have turned around
Pretended I was blind
Spoke aloud what was on my mind
Would I have turned around
And touched your face
For the very last time
Would I?

I was nominated for an International Poetry Challenge called #PeetMeNot. I don’t understand the hashtag (or what “peet” means. It started in India by an award winning poet. I was nominated by a man in Florida. It’s an 8 day challenge (8 poems). Just FYI, it’s through Facebook, which I tend to avoid, and you must also post a picture of yourself each day.
Today is my 6th day. On my 8th day, I’m supposed to nominate one or two new poets to carry the torch. If anyone is interested, please let me know and, if it’s not too much trouble, could you send a sample?
I’ve mostly been creative with my pictures, showing only part of my face, but yesterday I just took a selfie. Today I’m using my face but with a veil. I don’t think there are specific rules about the photo, which for some reason for me is the hardest part. If you are considering it, I’d be happy to send you a few of mine.
I know we have very talented writers here at DU, so fingers crossed! 🤞 💕

Preaching to the Choir
Death in daylight screamed to us
A message to the wise
Close your heart to evil now
And open up your eyes

On the narrow walk of fate
Balancing life’s high wire
You’re passing down divisive hate
Preaching to your choir

Yesterday’s mistakes repeating
Lessons learned in vain
History repeats itself
Bleeding from the pain

Your words come back to haunt you
Hiding behind guns for hire
Amplify insanity
To feed your rabid choir

The masses rise up now united
Left with little choice
A force of solidarity
The world now has one voice

You’re stumbling to the gates of hell
A blackened soul on fire
You’re not fooling anyone
Just preaching to your choir

Violence, lies, and bigotry
Are all that you inspire
False prophet for the worst of us
Preaching to your choir

This was written as lyrics, so it’s repetitive....

Burn It

There’s change in the air
There’s blood on the streets
We’re drawing the lines
We’re up on our feet
It comes down to now
It’s wrong or it’s right
We’re standing our ground
We’re ready to fight

Burn it, Brother
Burn it down
Turn it, Sister
Turn it around
The future’s here
It’s the past again
Burn it down
So we can rise again

We worship false gods
And choose money over souls
We count as worthless
The sick, the homeless and the old
We’ve shielded ours eyes
Away from decency and light
Now we’ve awakened
To find a terminal night

Burn it, Brother
Burn it down
Turn it, Sister
Turn it around
The future’s here
It’s the past again
Burn it down
So we can rise again

There’s change in the air
There’s blood on the streets
We lift our voices
We’re up on our feet
This is our moment
It’s wrong or it’s right
This is our future
We’re ready to fight

Burn it, Brother
Burn it down
Turn it, Sister
Turn it around
The future’s here
It’s the past again
Burn it down
So we can rise again

ENOUGH

The flames of fire from yesterday
Burns my face with shame
We’d pretended that things were different
Deep-down they were the same.

Black rock below our feet
Our marching footsteps like a roar
This time we cannot allow
Things to go on as before

So we rise up and stand together
We need to end this forever
It’s been said
We all bleed red
Enough

Hating people for no sin
But the color of their skin
Is a cancer on society
That will eat us from within

Destruction swirling all around
So dangerous I want to leave
But I can’t unsee what I’ve seen
We heard him saying, “I can’t breathe.”

So we rise up and stand together
We need to end this forever
It’s been said
We all bleed red
Enough

We wrap ourselves in Stars and Stripes
And hide behind God’s might
Proclaim false persecution and
Pretend we’ve lost our rights

Humanity and Justice
Are left bleeding in the street
Equality stands silently
While brotherhood just weeps

I’m on my knees
I’m begging please
Can you forgive us for our sin
I pray for you
To guide us through
This nightmare that we’re in.

Those who walked before us cry
The man who had a dream
We parrot back the words he said
But don’t know what they mean

Oh my Lord
Forgive us for
This ugly thing
That we’ve become
We turned our hearts
Toward the dark
Instead of toward the Son

I’m on my knees
I’m begging please
Can you forgive us for our sin
I pray for you
To guide us through
This nightmare that we’re in.

Preaching to the Choir

Death in daylight screamed to us
A message to the wise
Close your heart to evil now
And open up your eyes

On the narrow walk of fate
Balancing life’s high wire
You’re passing down divisive hate
Preaching to your choir

Yesterday’s mistakes repeating
Lessons learned in vain
History repeats itself
Bleeding from the pain

Your words come back to haunt you
Hiding behind guns for hire
Amplify insanity
To feed your rabid choir

The masses rise up now united
Left with little choice
A force of solidarity
The world now has one voice

You’re stumbling to the gates of hell
A blackened soul on fire
You’re not fooling anyone
Just preaching to your choir

Violence, lies, and bigotry
Are all that you inspire
False prophet for the worst of us
Preaching to your choir

? Maybe as a title?

Very personal and I think it’s pretty. I live on the coast, so I find I often use salt water imagery.


Lying in our bed alone
Your touch-
Your touch too far to reach
Memories of we
Wash over me
Like waves rolling on the beach

First they’re lapping at my edges
Then I’m crashing to the ground
The swirling tides of yesterday
Left me-
Left me almost drowned

And I was falling
Twisting and tumbling in the surf
Couldn’t find the place between heaven
Between heaven
And the earth

The darkness of pain was suffocating
Looking up and searching for the light
Almost didn’t care
If I ran out of air
I’d lost
I’d lost the will to fight

The tears, they left me breathless
Like the rolling crashing of the waves
Clinging to some picture perfect fantasy
Of more idyllic days

And I was falling
Twisting and crashing through the surf
Couldn’t find the place between heaven
Between heaven
And the earth

The tide, you know
It ebbs and flows
But never looks for fault
Washes away
The pain of yesterday
But leaves
Leaves the taste of salt

And the rippled sea of life
Even after all these years
Baptizes me
With seasoned memories
Tasting vaguely of my tears

And I was falling
Tumbling and crashing through the surf
Couldn’t find the place between heaven
Between heaven
And the earth