But we absolutely NEED Michelle Obama to run! She would crush Spanky. I know you don't wanna go back there, especially for 8 more years, Michelle - but your Country needs you, badly. You are public servants and good and moral people, and you need to answer the call. While the other candidates will do well in the election, YOU would win by such a large margin that the needle of the Electoral College cant be threaded again.

I just don't see another way, Michelle. Your country needs you and democracy needs you.

Besides - wouldn't it be FUN to beat a racist misogynistic asshole like Spanky?!?!?! C'mon, you can imagine how much fun that would be.

YOU are the magic bullet, Michelle Obama. Please raise your hand and step to the front of the class.

And you would have a mighty fine Cabinet if you just hire most of the current candidates (Delaney & Gabbard, go home); they are an quality bunch.

Please Michelle, please ! Please? Help.