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airmid

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Gender: Do not display
Hometown: Ohio
Current location: Ohio
Member since: Thu Apr 20, 2017, 04:50 AM
Number of posts: 333

About Me

Herbalist, heathen/pagan, healer, fiber artist. Proudly owned by a house of cats and a yard full of chickens.

Journal Archives

This broke me....I have been trying very hard to keep it together. I have my own

personal reasons for hating gun violence. But this did me in...



Earlier I shared a post from my friend, Mr. B.

Well now I have my own.

In 7th period, out of nowhere today, the fire alarms at my school went off. My students stood up as they always do when the alarm goes off for drills.

My brain immediately went into robot mode. I recalled the incident from yesterday like a mathematician calculating a problem on a whiteboard. Zero emotions. Zero fear.

“Wait,” I said, holding up my hand. The kids froze. “Let’s sit for now,” I said calmly. They sat, looking at me in terror.

“What if it’s like—!!!” One child cried out, but I turned, shook my head, and kept my hand held out.

“It’s not. Probably someone pulled the alarm. It’s okay. Let’s just wait.”

We waited. I kept eye contact with the teacher in the classroom across the hall from me. We both shook our heads.

Then I waited to hear gunshots.

Do you hear me?

I stood in front of your children and I waited to hear gunshots.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT????

I didn’t want to put them in lockdown just yet. Calmness and control is the only defense I have against a room of panicked teenagers. I turned and I looked every single one of them in the eyes and I nodded my head reassuringly. You are my babies. I have you. I have you.

I kept glancing across at the teacher across from me. He shook his head. We stayed still.

Suddenly, I saw our guidance counselor in the hallway. She beckoned for us to come out. I stuck my head out and said “it’s safe?” She said “Yes, let’s go out.”

“Come on, guys,” I said. “It’s all right. We can go outside.”

They behaved wonderfully. They followed me out calmly, we evacuated, and then we stood outside for 30 minutes while fire trucks and police cars checked out our building. It was a faulty alarm. Everyone was safe.

I took my children back inside. We had a successful drill. Everyone was safe. I even made a point to update parents and community that we were all safe.

School dismissed.

The kids left, chatting excitedly how they missed half a class period.

I sat at my desk.

My little sister came in to say goodbye for the day and I lost it. Sobbing, snot coming out, face burning, nauseated.

I was waiting to hear gunshots. I was waiting to hide my kids. I was waiting for the shots.

Keep your opinions off my post. I’m home and I’m angry.

I stood in front of your kids and waited to die for them.

I STOOD IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS AND WAITED TO DIE FOR THEM!
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